Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Well of course, what we have proved there is that the Bugatti Veyron, which we know to be the fastest car in the world, is faster than another kind of car.

Jeremy

Tonight. We shout at the government. A man drives a Subaru through a building. And a dog goes in a car.

Jeremy

[While Richard is pretending to retch] You're breathing my chest.

Jeremy

2, 4, 6, 8, Jacqui Smith's husband likes to mast...I can't do that one...

Jeremy

[over radio] This may only have a three-cylinder diesel engine, but it's so quiet in here I can hear my hair growing!

Jeremy

Got James!

Jeremy

[with the same tone as before] Lost James!

Jeremy

Tonight. The fastest man in the world on our track. The slowest man in the world falls asleep. And we literally set fire to Dorset with a machine gun.

Jeremy

Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling, let's say, more than 170 brake horsepower is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman, while on fire, on stage, in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.

Jeremy

Eventually, you will slide wide. But only after your face has come off.

Jeremy

Some say that he is absolutely baffled by urinals. And that on reflection this was a bad week to launch his debut single. It's a tribute, to Farah Fawcett. All we know is he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

You don't need a driving license to be a Lamborghini test driver. You just turn up for the interview, go, "I'm sorry, I'm drunk and mad but I'm called Velociraptor Clint Thrust." "Right, you start on Monday."

Jeremy

You set a world record with your shoelace undone.

Jeremy

It said, "I didn't have breakfast, woke up at 11:00, sat around watching TV, then had some chicken nuggets..." [Laughter] Oh, no, it gets better! "Slept for two hours, then went back and got some more nuggets." [Laughter]

Jeremy

Tonight. We save the entire world. We test a fat spaniel from Jaguar. And we annoy France's second best racing driver.

Jeremy

Some say, he has twelve GCSEs, all in Domestic Science. And that he has been producing artificial sperm for years. Even though we have repeatedly asked him not to. All we know is, he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

[panicking] I CAN'T SEE A BLOODY THING!! [accidentally pulls off glove while steering] AAGH, pulled my own glove off!