A character in Top Gear
Played by Jeremy Clarkson
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 1,331 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Hammond (406), James May (323), Stephen Ladyman (5)
[On The Stig]
JeremySome say that he doesn't like to get his helmet wet. A point that was proved last week when he was caught in the back of shot by an eagle-eyed viewer.
[The Stig is shown in the background under a yellow umbrella during one of Boris Johnson's practice laps]
JeremyAll we know is, he's called The Stig!
[Reading the first part of the challenge]
JeremySince you can buy Rolexes here for a fiver and lunch for 50p, you're standing in the world's biggest Pound shop. You should therefore have no trouble at all buying some wheels for fifteen million ??ng.
[Jeremy is having lunch while his scooter is being repaired]
Jeremy[picks up a piece of meat with his chopsticks] You look at this and you think "what noise did this make when it was alive"? Did it go moooo, or did it go tweet tweet tweet, or did it go neigh! [eats it] I think it went ruff! rrrrr-ruf! But it's delicious.
[Jeremy is broken down by the side of a road]
JeremyAnd here we are again. It's a lovely evening in south-east Asia, as you can see. And I'd be enjoying it in any means of transport apart from the motorbike. If somebody said to me "would you like to hop to Hanoi?" Yes I would. [hops off on one foot down the road]
JeremyI've always said that if my children buy a bike, I'll burn it. If they replace it with another one, I'll burn that one too. Now when they buy a bike, I will completely understand. And then I'll burn it.
JeremyWhat a journey! 700 miles on my bike, 250 miles on a train, and about 50 miles on my face.
[During the opening sequence]
JeremyTonight. Richard tries to start a motorbike. James fill his car with petrol. And I get a British Rail sun tan.
[During the coming-in-this-series preview of the Val Thorens race from 13.5]
JeremyGet out of my way, Frenchists!
[on the Stig]
JeremySome say he invented the curtain, and that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel...for his moat. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
[Michael Schumacher as the Stig is driving the Reasonably Priced Car very badly]
JeremyHere he is, final corner... [the car doesn't turn up] ...Michael Schumacher is lost, everybody!!!
[During the opening sequence]
JeremyTonight. We throw a chair over a hedge. A Quite Interesting man drives our reasonably priced car. And for the first time ever the Bugatti Veyron races a McLaren F1.
[Also talking to insurance sales people]
JeremyBut that's 15 times the price of the car! What you're saying is, I'm going to completely write-off the car 15 times a year.
[Jeremy is slipping badly on the slope while trying to escape the clutches of the Glastonbury car park.]
Jeremy[as if in a crisis] OH, P-L-E-A-S-E!! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!!
[Jeremy has just remembered about the Ferrari FXX lap, and has bad news.]
JeremyLast week, a man came here, claiming to be the Stig. Maybe he is, we don't know. Okay? Maybe he is, but what we do know is he set a time of one minute, ten seconds in a Ferrari FXX round our track, top of our leaderboard. We subsequently discovered he was doing that on slick tyres. Now we have rules on this powerboard here, okay--you can't use slicks, so this time is coming off.
[Crowd boos as the time comes off.]
Jeremy[indignantly] Oh, boo?!! [Crowd laughs] This is a dictatorship! You want to live in a democracy, go to Iran!
[Richard has parked his car noiselessly and safely, and now it is Jeremy's turn. All is rather quiet until...]
Jeremy[in a frustrated yell] OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
