Pollution, all around. Sometimes up, sometimes down. But always around. Pollution are you coming to my town? Or am I coming to yours? Ha! We're on different buses, pollution, but we're both using petrol... bombs.
[While in the bathroom, Rick shouts through the wall to Vyvyan who is still in bed in his room.]
Vyvyan! Have you been using my roll-on deodorant? There's a revolting hair on it and it's not one of mine!
How d'you know?
Because I know what mine looks like, Vyvyan! I can see them now! [raises arm and points to armpit.]
Not the ones on your bum you can't. Could be off your bum.
Oh, and I suppose you think being rude first thing in the morning is a terribly trendy thing to do, do you, Vyvyan? Well, it's not!
Look, it's probably a hamster hair. He was getting a bit whiffy so I gave him a good going over.
SPS.P.G.
And was I consulted, pally? How d'you think I feel stinking like a student's armpit?
It's stealing, Vyvyan! It's common stealing, and if you ever touch it again, EVER, I'm going to the police. I will, you know. I will go to the police!
[Vyvyan punches his fist through the wall to flip Rick a two fingered a salute.]
Gotcha Vyvyan! Using my ketchup on your cornflakes!
Well, I couldn't get any milk out of the fridge.
Why, what are you, a spazzy?
No, there just happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door.
That's the most pathetic excuse I've ev- *spots the bomb* GORDON WALTERS!
That's an atom bomb.
Oh no, it's the holocaust.
[A test card is on every television channel]
Absolutely pathetic! There's nothing on at all! Humph! Don't know why we bother to pay our license!
We don't.
But, haven't we got a license?
No.
But that makes me a criminal! [thinks about it] Right on! Yeah, this will shake them up at the Anarchists Society! Occupying the refectories! So what? This is the real stuff! I'm a fugitive! A desperado! I'm going to form a new union society, right? With me as president! "People Who Don't Pay Their TV Licenses Against the Nazis!" [takes out pad and pen and starts writing] This is only the beginning!
What are you going to do, Rick? Burn your bra?
[look at Vyvyan flatly] Well, someone's got to do it, Vyvyan! It's very easy to sit on your backside, isn't it?
Not if you haven't got a bottom.
Vyv! Eat the telly!
That's a completely brilliant idea, Mike. I've been waiting for this for a long time!
(Right Bleedin' Bastard sees the television cable hanging out of Vyv's mouth)
BMr Bastard
Ah ha! So you do have a... you little runt!
[waving] Hello.
BMr Bastard
The old trick, eh? Eat the telly before I get a chance to nick ya.
[pointing at the cable] It's a toaster.
BMr Bastard
It's a telly, you yobbo. Give it back, I wanna nick ya!
Mr Bastard! Mr Bastard! Toaster or telly, the contents of my colleague's stomach are private property and if they get damaged in any way we sue.
I'm waiting for that phone to start ringing and the world to start bidding any second now.
Well, they better hurry up... coz Vyvyan's escaped...
[Right on cue, Vyvyan crashes through the kitchen wall on a wrecking ball trying to set off the bomb. He then enters the kitchen a moment later.]
Missed!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Young Ones pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.