Vyvyan quotes from The Young Ones

Vyvyan

[to audience] By the way, it was a complete lie about the oil.

Vyvyan

QUICK! GET THE STIRRUPS! I'M GONNA HAVE MY BABY NOW!

Vyvyan

(Shouting backstage to Kate Bush) Back in a tickle, Katy baby! HA HA! I've just gotta do this number one song with Shaky Stevens. Right, good evening, bastards!

Rick

None of you ever give the slightest consideration to a word I say!

Vyvyan

That's because you're very boring!

Rick

OH! Oh, and I suppose you think ideas like peace and freedom and equality are boring too.

Vyvyan

Yes, they are.

Rick

Ha! Fallen into my trap. In that case, why isn't Cliff Richard boring, clever trousers? Tell me that!

Vyvyan

I've got a leg!

Mike

Hey Vyvyan, that's not unusual.

Vyvyan

No look! I'm supposed to write an essay on it, but I think I'm just gonna stick it on the bonnet of my car!

Rick

I think Special Patrol Group is a stupid name for a hamster!

Vyvyan

OK, I'll change it, then! Hello, Cliff Richard!

Rick

Bastard!

I could murder a curry! [farts and flies across the basement]

Vyvyan

Poor Special Patrol Group.

Rick

What's poor about him?

Vyvyan

It'll take ten weeks to starve another one.

Vyvyan

I thought you were dead!

Neil

That's no reason to hassle me on the toilet!

Mike

I'll handle this.

Rick

I'll handle this!

Vyvyan

I'll handle this!

Neil

I can't handle this.

Rick

Bloody heck! Is this the new house?

Neil

I think it's beautiful, Rick!

Rick

Well I think it looks like a gigantic lavatory!

Mike

It hasn't been razed to the ground.

Rick

Well, at least we have a front door.

Vyvyan

We had a front door at the last house!

Rick

Yes, Vyvyan, but it was nailed to the ceiling in the living room!

Mike

Rick, it had to be done.

Vyvyan

Yeah! I had to! I was drunk!

Vyvyan

Well now we can go to the rent tribunal. You don't have to pay as much for a house with an outside lavy!

Rick

Really? Well you know what I think? I think you did it on purpose because you know I've got a runny bottom!

And don't forget to unplug your set.

Vyvyan

Why?

'Cause it'll blow up you silly boy.

Vyvyan

Got you, traitor! [Hits Rick in the crotch with the bat]

Rick

Ha! Ha! Missed both my legs! [grimaces]

Vyvyan

[smacks Rick in the head with the bat] Oh, shut up.

Neil

Oh, sorry, Vyv.

Vyvyan

[calmly] That's ok, Neil. It was bound to happen... sooner or later [faints].

Rick

What are you doing, Vyvyan?

Vyvyan

I'm entering a contest to win a Ford Tippex. You have to say what Cornflakes mean to you in 10 words. So I said: Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes.

Rick

Pathetic! You'll never win, Vyvyan.

Vyvyan

Why not?

Rick

It's only nine words.

Vyvyan

[writing] Corn...flakes!