I suppose you think it's pretty weird, don't you Mike? Well, you'd be right. 'Cause THAT'S the kind of guy I am, right? WEIRD. Which is why I go over people's heads. A bit like an aeroplane! You think I'm an aeroplane, don't you, Mike? Well, I'm not.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Neil, are these lentils South African?!
Well, ummm...
You bastard! You complete and utter bastard! Why don't you just go out and become a policeman?! Become a pig?! There's no difference, you know! [burns hand on lentils] There's no difference, you know! You think there is, but there isn't! I suppose you hate gay people too! Hippie!
Neil... what are you doing, Neil? To make a meal, Neil? Huh. Surreal! From totalitarian vegetables, how much does it cost, Neil?
... well actually, it's about £4.50 each.
RMRick & Mike
£4.50?!
I'm not paying you money to eat black men! I could become a pig and do that for free!
None of you ever give the slightest consideration to a word I say!
That's because you're very boring!
OH! Oh, and I suppose you think ideas like peace and freedom and equality are boring too.
Yes, they are.
Ha! Fallen into my trap. In that case, why isn't Cliff Richard boring, clever trousers? Tell me that!
[Vyvyan stands up and hits Rick's head on the table.]
I've got a leg!
Hey Vyvyan, that's not unusual.
No look! I'm supposed to write an essay on it, but I think I'm just gonna stick it on the bonnet of my car!
I think Special Patrol Group is a stupid name for a hamster!
OK, I'll change it, then! Hello, Cliff Richard!
Bastard!
SPSpecial Patrol Group
I could murder a curry! [farts and flies across the basement]
Poor Special Patrol Group.
What's poor about him?
It'll take ten weeks to starve another one.
[To Vyvyan] Shut up! I'm trying to stir my coffee!
I thought you were dead!
That's no reason to hassle me on the toilet!
I'll handle this.
I'll handle this!
I'll handle this!
I can't handle this.
What are you doing with my crucifix, Rick?
Protesting!
I don't wanna bring you down or anything, but I think that is a really negative way to try and kill yourself, I mean I tried it hundreds of times, there's no way you can hammer in the last nail.
Bloody heck! Is this the new house?
I think it's beautiful, Rick!
Well I think it looks like a gigantic lavatory!
It hasn't been razed to the ground.
Well, at least we have a front door.
We had a front door at the last house!
Yes, Vyvyan, but it was nailed to the ceiling in the living room!
Rick, it had to be done.
Yeah! I had to! I was drunk!
SStatue
More bloody students...
SSunflower
Oh, put some clothes on.
[Rick demands an explanation as to why Vyvyan removed the toilet from the bathroom and threw it out the living room window]
Well now we can go to the rent tribunal. You don't have to pay as much for a house with an outside lavy!
Really? Well you know what I think? I think you did it on purpose because you know I've got a runny bottom!
TSTV Set
And don't forget to unplug your set.
Why?
TSTV Set
'Cause it'll blow up you silly boy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Young Ones pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.