Fox Mulder quotes from The X-Files

You don't look too happy. Don't tell me I'm going to have to put two kids through school.

Scully

(hesitantly) That is you in there, Mulder, isn't it? (Mulder nods; Scully folds her arms, hugging herself) I, uh... I just got off the phone with Frohike. They were able to download and analyze the crash data and, yes, there was an anomalous event that night.

And how do I get back?

Scully

(not easy for her to say) Well, that's just it. It's all about random moments in time... About a series of variables approaching an event horizon. And even if we... could recreate that moment if we could sabotage another craft... Mulder, if we were... If we were off... If the event were off by even one millisecond...

I might wind up with my head in a rock.

Scully

Something like that, yeah. (long pause)

(depressed) What about him? I mean, me. Whatever. Whoever he is.

Scully

Agent Mulder has become AD Kersh's new golden boy. He's been tasked with returning the flight data recorder that he and I stole. The son of a bitch confesses to Kersh even more than I do to my priest. I'm just tagging along for the ride.

What do you mean, "just tagging along?"

Scully

I'm out of the Bureau. I've been censured and relieved of my position.

No. You can explain it to them like you explained it to me. You have the data. You can make them understand. You can get your job back.

Scully

(can't help but smile; looks up at him fondly) I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly. (Mulder smiles back)

(honking the horn; yelling out the window) Take a picture - it'll last longer!

(through clenched teeth) If I... shoot him, is that murder or suicide?

Scully

Neither, if I do it first. (Squeezes his arm, then walks toward the car. He stops her.)

Hey, Scully...

Mulder

(on phone) Mulder.

Scully

(on phone; in her office) Mulder, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that we slipped under Kersh's radar. Our little field trip to Nevada went unnoticed.

Mulder

Oh, yeah?

Scully

Mulder, I'm sorry that your confidential source didn't pan out.

Mulder

Well, I guess you were right, Scully. Just another crackpot who watches too much Star Trek.

Scully

Good night.

Mulder

Hey, Scully? I, uh, know it's not your normal life, but... Thanks for coming out there with me.

Scully

(surprised, pleased) You're welcome.

Scully

Let's hear it. Give me the details.

Mulder

Look, if you've got Christmas stuff to do I don't want to... you know...

Scully

Mulder, I drove all the way out here. I might as well know why. Right?

Mulder

I just thought you'd be more... curious.

Scully

Who lives in the house?

Mulder

No one.

Scully

Then who are we staking out?

Mulder

The former occupants.

Scully

They've come back?

Mulder

That's the story.

Scully

I see. (dryly) The dark, gothic manor... the, uh, omnipresent low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth... Wait- is that a hound I hear baying out on the moors?

Mulder

No. Actually that was a left cheek sneak.

Mulder

(mysteriously) Christmas, 1917. It was a time of dark, dark despair. American soldiers were dying at an ungodly rate in a war-torn Europe while at home, a deadly strain of the flu virus attacked young and old alike. Tragedy was a visitor on every doorstep while a creeping hopelessness set in with every man, woman and child. It was a time of dark, dark despair.

Scully

(unimpressed) You said that.

Mulder

But here at 1501 Larkspur Lane for a pair of star-crossed lovers tragedy came not from war or pestilence - not by the boot heel or the bombardier - but by their own innocent hand.

Scully

Go on.

Mulder

His name was Maurice. He was a... a brooding but heroic young man beloved of Lyda, a sublime beauty with a light that seemed to follow her wherever she went. They were likened to two angels descended from heaven whom the gods could not protect from the horrors being visited upon this cold, grey earth.

Scully

And what happened to them?

Mulder

Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together and not spend one precious Christmas apart.

Scully

They killed themselves?

Mulder

And their ghosts haunt this house every Christmas Eve. (Scully laughs) I just gave myself chills.

Scully

It's a good story, Mulder, and very well told, but I don't believe it.

Scully

These are tricks that the mind plays. They are ingrained cliches from a thousand different horror films. When we hear a sound, we get a chill. We-we see a shadow and we allow ourselves to imagine something that an otherwise rational person would discount out of hand. The whole... the whole idea of a benevolent entity fits perfectly with what I'm saying. That a spirit would materialize or return for no other purpose than to show itself is silly and ridiculous. I mean, what it really shows is how silly and ridiculous we have become in believing such things. I mean, that... that we can ignore all natural laws about the corporeal body... that-that we witness these spirits clad in-in their own shabby outfits with the same old haircuts and hairstyles never aging, never... never in search of more comfortable surroundings-- it actually ends up saying more about the living than it does about the dead.

Mulder

Mm-hmm.

Scully

I mean, Mulder, it doesn't take an advanced degree in psychology to understand the... the unconscious yearnings that these imaginings satisfy. You know, the-the longing for immortality the hope that there is something beyond this mortal coil... that-that we might never be long without our loved ones. I mean, these are powerful, powerful desires. I mean, they're the very essence of what make us human. The very essence of Christmas, actually.

Mulder

Tell me you're not afraid.

Scully

All right. I'm afraid... but it's an irrational fear.

Scully

You know what's weird?

Mulder

What?

Scully

Mulder, she's wearing my outfit.

Mulder

How embarrassing.

You drink? Take drugs?

Mulder

No.

Get high?

Mulder

No.

Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you? (Mulder looks surprised) I'm in the field of mental health. I specialize in disorders and manias related to pathological behavior as it pertains to the paranormal.

Mulder

Wow. I didn't know such a thing existed.

My specialty is in what I call soul prospectors - a crossaxial classification I've codified by extensive interaction with visitors like yourself. I've found you all tend to fall into pretty much the same category.

Mulder

And what category is that?

Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.

Mulder

That's a category?

You kindly think of yourself as single-minded but you're prone to obsessive compulsiveness, workaholism, antisocialism... Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.

Mulder

I don't think that pegs me exactly.

Oh, really? Waving a gun around my house? Huh? Raving like a lunatic about some imaginary brick wall? (Mulder looks over at the brick wall in the doorway) You've probably convinced yourself you've seen aliens. You know why you think you see the things you do?

Mulder

(like it's obvious) Because I have seen them?

'Cause you're a lonely man. A lonely man chasing paramasturbatory illusions that you believe will give your life meaning and significance and which your pathetic social maladjustment makes impossible for you to find elsewhere. You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?

Mulder

"Paramasturbatory"?

Most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.

Mulder

All right, now just, uh... Just back off for a second.

Spend every Christmas this way? Alone?

Mulder

(confident) I'm not alone.

More self-delusion.

Mulder

No, I came here with my partner. She's somewhere in the house.

Behind a brick wall? (Mulder smiles and nods) How'd you get her to come with you? Steal her car keys? (Mulder's smile fades) You know why you do it - listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations. 'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness. Am I right?

Mulder

I'd just like to find my partner.

I hope you're not expecting any great advantages to all this.

Mulder

To all what?

I'm assuming you came here with similar misconceptions.

Mulder

We came here looking for you.

Oh, yeah? You didn't come here to be together for eternity?

Mulder

(chuckling) No.

Because you're filled with despair and woeful Christmas melancholy?

Mulder

Why?

(sighing) Maybe it was your partner then.

Mulder

(folding his arms) What about her?

You knew this house was haunted.

Mulder

Yeah.

Maybe you two should have discussed your real feelings before you came out here. I'm speaking from experience.

I don't show my hole to just anyone.

Mulder

(grimaces, looks away) Why are you showing it to me?

The bodies under the floor - maybe that was just some kind of Jungian symbolism. Or maybe... there's a secret lovers' pact.

Mulder

(sighs; smiles) We're not lovers.

And this isn't a pure science. But you're both so attractive and there'll be a lot of time to work that out.

Scully

I, uh... I couldn't sleep. I was, um... (sighs)

Mulder

(puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in to the apartment) Come in. Aren't you supposed to be opening Christmas gifts with your family?

Scully

Mulder... None of that really happened out there tonight... That was all in our heads, right?

Mulder

(unsure) I-it must have been.

Scully

Mmm. Not that, uh, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.

Mulder

When have you proved me wrong?

Scully

Well... Why else would you want me out there with you?

Mulder

You didn't want to be there?

Mulder

(self-analyzing) Oh, that's, um... That's self-righteous and... narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?

Scully

No, I mean... Maybe I did want to be out there with you.

Mulder

(they look at each other for a moment) Now, um... I know we said that we weren't going to exchange gifts but, uh... I got you a little something. (holds out a present to her - the only wrapped gift shown in the apartment the whole episode)

Scully

Mulder...

Mulder

Merry Christmas.

Scully

Well, I got you a little something, too.

Scully

(on phone) Mulder, we are supposed to be doing background checks, not chasing X-Files.

Mulder

(on phone) Scully, Spender just round filed this case - it's unconscionable.

Scully

And what do you call rooting through his trash?

Mulder

Like that's any different from the assignment we're stuck with.

Scully

"We," Mulder? I'm stuck with it. You're not here.

(annoyed) I want those kids out of my car.

Mulder

(cheerfully) Okay, speed racers. That's enough driver's education for today.

Agent Mulder, welcome to Kroner. I'm Jim Gilmore, the mayor. We spoke on the phone.

Mulder

Nice to meet you, sir.

If I'd have known you was bringing the missus, I would've arranged for fancier accommodations.

Scully

(professional) I'm Agent Scully, Agent Mulder's partner. I'm... sure the accommodations will be just fine.

Oh! We were beginning to worry that you wouldn't make it. Is this your first time in a TV studio? How exciting. I couldn't be happier for the two of you.

Scully

I'm not su-

(runs over to get Holman, then brings him back to them) Holman, I'd like to introduce you to the Gundersons.

Holman

(shaking their hands) Congratulations! I hope you have a truly romantic getaway.

Aren't you glad you watch Channel Five weather?

Scully

(showing badge) We're Agents Mulder and Scully. We're with the FBI.

FBI? Oh, my goodness! I thought you were the "Watch the Weather and Win" contest winners.

Holman

See, we haven't had any rain in months and... well, people tend to blame the messenger.

Oh, there's the Gundersons. Over here!

Mulder

(smiling at Scully) It's like looking in a mirror.