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S6 E6

The X-Files · Season 6, Episode 6

Maurice and Mulder in “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas”

MMaurice

You drink? Take drugs?

No.

MMaurice

Get high?

No.

MMaurice

Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you? (Mulder looks surprised) I'm in the field of mental health. I specialize in disorders and manias related to pathological behavior as it pertains to the paranormal.

Wow. I didn't know such a thing existed.

MMaurice

My specialty is in what I call soul prospectors - a crossaxial classification I've codified by extensive interaction with visitors like yourself. I've found you all tend to fall into pretty much the same category.

And what category is that?

MMaurice

Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.

That's a category?

MMaurice

You kindly think of yourself as single-minded but you're prone to obsessive compulsiveness, workaholism, antisocialism... Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.

I don't think that pegs me exactly.

MMaurice

Oh, really? Waving a gun around my house? Huh? Raving like a lunatic about some imaginary brick wall? (Mulder looks over at the brick wall in the doorway) You've probably convinced yourself you've seen aliens. You know why you think you see the things you do?

(like it's obvious) Because I have seen them?

MMaurice

'Cause you're a lonely man. A lonely man chasing paramasturbatory illusions that you believe will give your life meaning and significance and which your pathetic social maladjustment makes impossible for you to find elsewhere. You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?

"Paramasturbatory"?

MMaurice

Most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.

All right, now just, uh... Just back off for a second.

MMaurice

Spend every Christmas this way? Alone?

(confident) I'm not alone.

MMaurice

More self-delusion.

No, I came here with my partner. She's somewhere in the house.

MMaurice

Behind a brick wall? (Mulder smiles and nods) How'd you get her to come with you? Steal her car keys? (Mulder's smile fades) You know why you do it - listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations. 'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness. Am I right?

I'd just like to find my partner.

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