Check out lines were worse than rush hour on the 95. If I heard "Silent Night" one more time, I was going to start taking hostages.
“How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” · Season 6, Episode 6
In this episode: Fox Mulder (9), Dana Scully (7), Lyda (4)
Let's hear it. Give me the details.
Look, if you've got Christmas stuff to do I don't want to... you know...
Mulder, I drove all the way out here. I might as well know why. Right?
I just thought you'd be more... curious.
Who lives in the house?
No one.
Then who are we staking out?
The former occupants.
They've come back?
That's the story.
I see. (dryly) The dark, gothic manor... the, uh, omnipresent low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth... Wait- is that a hound I hear baying out on the moors?
No. Actually that was a left cheek sneak.
(mysteriously) Christmas, 1917. It was a time of dark, dark despair. American soldiers were dying at an ungodly rate in a war-torn Europe while at home, a deadly strain of the flu virus attacked young and old alike. Tragedy was a visitor on every doorstep while a creeping hopelessness set in with every man, woman and child. It was a time of dark, dark despair.
(unimpressed) You said that.
But here at 1501 Larkspur Lane for a pair of star-crossed lovers tragedy came not from war or pestilence - not by the boot heel or the bombardier - but by their own innocent hand.
Go on.
His name was Maurice. He was a... a brooding but heroic young man beloved of Lyda, a sublime beauty with a light that seemed to follow her wherever she went. They were likened to two angels descended from heaven whom the gods could not protect from the horrors being visited upon this cold, grey earth.
And what happened to them?
Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together and not spend one precious Christmas apart.
They killed themselves?
And their ghosts haunt this house every Christmas Eve. (Scully laughs) I just gave myself chills.
It's a good story, Mulder, and very well told, but I don't believe it.
[Mulder and Scully are searching a haunted house]
These are tricks that the mind plays. They are ingrained cliches from a thousand different horror films. When we hear a sound, we get a chill. We-we see a shadow and we allow ourselves to imagine something that an otherwise rational person would discount out of hand. The whole... the whole idea of a benevolent entity fits perfectly with what I'm saying. That a spirit would materialize or return for no other purpose than to show itself is silly and ridiculous. I mean, what it really shows is how silly and ridiculous we have become in believing such things. I mean, that... that we can ignore all natural laws about the corporeal body... that-that we witness these spirits clad in-in their own shabby outfits with the same old haircuts and hairstyles never aging, never... never in search of more comfortable surroundings-- it actually ends up saying more about the living than it does about the dead.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, Mulder, it doesn't take an advanced degree in psychology to understand the... the unconscious yearnings that these imaginings satisfy. You know, the-the longing for immortality the hope that there is something beyond this mortal coil... that-that we might never be long without our loved ones. I mean, these are powerful, powerful desires. I mean, they're the very essence of what make us human. The very essence of Christmas, actually.
[A door slightly opens by itself]
Tell me you're not afraid.
All right. I'm afraid... but it's an irrational fear.
[Mulder and Scully have just found a corpse.]
You know what's weird?
What?
Mulder, she's wearing my outfit.
How embarrassing.
MMaurice
You drink? Take drugs?
No.
MMaurice
Get high?
No.
MMaurice
Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you? (Mulder looks surprised) I'm in the field of mental health. I specialize in disorders and manias related to pathological behavior as it pertains to the paranormal.
Wow. I didn't know such a thing existed.
MMaurice
My specialty is in what I call soul prospectors - a crossaxial classification I've codified by extensive interaction with visitors like yourself. I've found you all tend to fall into pretty much the same category.
And what category is that?
MMaurice
Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.
That's a category?
MMaurice
You kindly think of yourself as single-minded but you're prone to obsessive compulsiveness, workaholism, antisocialism... Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.
I don't think that pegs me exactly.
MMaurice
Oh, really? Waving a gun around my house? Huh? Raving like a lunatic about some imaginary brick wall? (Mulder looks over at the brick wall in the doorway) You've probably convinced yourself you've seen aliens. You know why you think you see the things you do?
(like it's obvious) Because I have seen them?
MMaurice
'Cause you're a lonely man. A lonely man chasing paramasturbatory illusions that you believe will give your life meaning and significance and which your pathetic social maladjustment makes impossible for you to find elsewhere. You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?
"Paramasturbatory"?
MMaurice
Most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.
All right, now just, uh... Just back off for a second.
MMaurice
Spend every Christmas this way? Alone?
(confident) I'm not alone.
MMaurice
More self-delusion.
No, I came here with my partner. She's somewhere in the house.
MMaurice
Behind a brick wall? (Mulder smiles and nods) How'd you get her to come with you? Steal her car keys? (Mulder's smile fades) You know why you do it - listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations. 'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness. Am I right?
I'd just like to find my partner.
LLyda
I think maybe the ghosts have been playing tricks on you.
I don't believe in ghosts.
LLyda
Then what are you doing here?
It's my partner.
LLyda
He believes in ghosts?
Yeah.
LLyda
Oh, you poor child. You must have an awful small life. Spending your Christmas Eve with him... Running around chasing things you don't even believe in.
Don't come any closer.
LLyda
(coming closer) I can see it in your face... The fear... The conflicted yearnings... A subconscious desire to find fulfillment through another. Intimacy through co-dependency.
What?
LLyda
Maybe you repress the truth about why you're really here pretending it's out of duty or loyalty-- unable to admit your dirty little secret. Your only joy in life is proving him wrong.
You don't know me.
LLyda
I hope you're not expecting any great advantages to all this.
To all what?
LLyda
I'm assuming you came here with similar misconceptions.
We came here looking for you.
LLyda
Oh, yeah? You didn't come here to be together for eternity?
(chuckling) No.
LLyda
Because you're filled with despair and woeful Christmas melancholy?
Why?
LLyda
(sighing) Maybe it was your partner then.
(folding his arms) What about her?
LLyda
You knew this house was haunted.
Yeah.
LLyda
Maybe you two should have discussed your real feelings before you came out here. I'm speaking from experience.
LLyda
I don't show my hole to just anyone.
(grimaces, looks away) Why are you showing it to me?
LLyda
The bodies under the floor - maybe that was just some kind of Jungian symbolism. Or maybe... there's a secret lovers' pact.
(sighs; smiles) We're not lovers.
LLyda
And this isn't a pure science. But you're both so attractive and there'll be a lot of time to work that out.
[Mulder is still dressed, watching TV through the night; there's a knock at the door; he opens it to show Scully, also still dressed.]
I, uh... I couldn't sleep. I was, um... (sighs)
(puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in to the apartment) Come in. Aren't you supposed to be opening Christmas gifts with your family?
Mulder... None of that really happened out there tonight... That was all in our heads, right?
(unsure) I-it must have been.
Mmm. Not that, uh, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.
When have you proved me wrong?
Well... Why else would you want me out there with you?
You didn't want to be there?
[She doesn't respond; they both look thoughtful for a moment.]
(self-analyzing) Oh, that's, um... That's self-righteous and... narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?
No, I mean... Maybe I did want to be out there with you.
(they look at each other for a moment) Now, um... I know we said that we weren't going to exchange gifts but, uh... I got you a little something. (holds out a present to her - the only wrapped gift shown in the apartment the whole episode)
Mulder...
Merry Christmas.
Well, I got you a little something, too.
[She hands him his gift, and he chuckles and shakes it. She grins and they run over to the couch to open their presents happily.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X-Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.