Fox Mulder quotes from The X-Files

Mulder

How do you explain your unique ability?

I don't. It's complicated.

Mulder

Try me. I watch the Weather Channel.

If you're wondering did I ask for this gift no, sir, I did not, no more than I asked to lose this here limb. But I should've expected it and I'll tell you why. Because I come from a long line of healing people. I'm a spiritual man, in touch... with the really real. The... the unseen real.

Mulder

Scully, I don't think it's a coincidence that a cow gets hurled at me just as we're down here investigating the weather.

Scully

(checking his scalp and forehead) Mulder, did they check you for head trauma?

Mulder

I'm telling you, that cow had my name on it.

Scully

(on phone) Mulder, it's me.

Mulder

(on phone) I'm on my way.

Scully

I'm not so sure. Have you looked outside lately? It's pea soup. Our plane can't take off until after this fog lifts.

Mulder

Fog? (looks accusingly at Holman) Holman!

Scully

Holman?

Mulder

Yeah... he wants advice. Dating advice.

Scully

Dating advice? From whom?

Mulder

Yours truly. (VERY long pause) Hello? Hey, Scully. Scully, you there?

Scully

I heard you. Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?

Mulder

(pauses; in a controlled way, one word at a time) I will talk to you later.

Scully

(to herself, after hanging up) The blind leading the blind.

Holman

I've been envious of men like you my whole life. Based on your physical bearing, I'd assumed you were... More experienced. I mean... You spend every day with agent Scully a beautiful, enchanting woman. And you two never, uh...? (no response from Mulder) I... confess I find that shocking. I... I've seen how you two gaze at one another.

Mulder

This is about you, Holman. I'm here to help you. I'm perfectly happy with my friendship with Agent Scully.

Holman

So according to your theory I walk in there, tell her I love her and the drought will end?

Mulder

Just tell her how you feel. (Holman starts walking inside) And Holman. I do not gaze at Scully.

Mulder

I didn't know reunions could be so...

Scully

Wet?

Mulder

Well, how'd it go?

Holman

You should try it sometime.

Mulder

What happened today? Anything out of the ordinary?

Skinner

I'm not going to play this game.

Scully

Look, it could've been anything. It could have been the slightest touch, or a handshake.

Mulder

This morning, you woke up...

Skinner

I woke up.

Mulder

Alone?

Skinner

(defensive) Yes. Alone.

(something Arabic and angry)

Mulder

Yeah, so's your mom.

(hearing someone going through Skinner's things in his office, opens the door) Sir? Is that you? (sees that it's actually Mulder) Agent Mulder!

Mulder

Hey, do you have the key to this drawer?

Mulder

So they're splitting us up, huh?

Scully

(firmly) No.

Mulder

No?

Scully

This is a one-time thing.

Mulder

Who told you that? Obviously, if you do a good job they're not going to stick you back here. (Scully sees Ritter coming in) Right?

Agent Scully, we're all set.

Scully

Peyton Ritter, this is Fox Mulder.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Fox.

Mulder

(stays seated; polite, but unenthusiastic) A pleasure to meet you... Peyton.

Scully

We should get going.

Off to New York.

Scully

(on phone) Scully.

Mulder

(on phone, disguising his voice jokingly) Hi. My name is Fox Mulder. We used to sit next to each other at the FBI. (both smile)

Scully

(on phone) I don't know what to think. (looks up as Fellig passes her) He's, uh... unusual.

Mulder

(on phone) As in he, uh, plugs up like a cork when you stab him? (looking at an image of Fellig's stab wounds on his computer)

Scully

Mulder, where are you getting this stuff?

Mulder

Well, young man Ritter has been sending progress reports to Kersh. My computer may have inadvertently intercepted a few of those. He's got nice things to say about you, though... mostly. Why don't you let me do a little background check on Fellig for you.

Scully

Mulder...

Mulder

Come on. It's, you know... it's what I do now. I'm getting good at it.

Mulder

(on phone) Hey, Scully, uh, how's that X-File coming? And before you tell me that it's not an X-File...

Scully

(on phone) It is.

Mulder

What happened?

Scully

Alfred Fellig seems to know an awful lot about death.

Mulder

Oh, yeah? Well, that's not surprising, given that he's reached the ripe old age of 149.

(to Mulder) Hey, Milk, let's play ball. (Mulder waits for Scully to walk closer; player is irritated) Yo, Homestyle, cough up the rock.

Mulder

Game.

(shaking his hand) Oh, no, no. Aw, it don't work like that.

Mulder

(joining Scully, ignoring the game) Hey, Homegirl, word up.

Scully

Mulder it's my distinct impression that you just cheated. And that you're not coming in again today.

Mulder

Oh, Scully, I got game.

Scully

Yeah, you got so much game I'm wondering if you have any work left in you.

Mulder

No, I'm ready to J-O-B just not on some jagoff shoeshine tip.

Scully

(VERY small smile) No "jagoff shoeshine tip"?

Mulder

(smile) No background checkin' jagoff shoeshine tip.

Scully

Well, about your J-O-B, Mulder somebody's been trying very hard to reach you by phone. Somebody who wants you back at the FBI ASAP.

Mulder

(more serious) About what?

Scully

About an X-File.

Mulder

You looking for work, Agent Spender? 'Cause if you are, I got a whole pile in that middle drawer that I'd love to shove down someone's throat.

Spender

I was just writing you a note. I think you know why I'm here.

Mulder

They found your mother.

Spender

She wants to talk to you.

Mulder

I didn't hear the magic word.

Spender

Look, Agent Mulder, I'm not going to get down on my knees here.

Mulder

Are you asking me, Agent Spender?

Spender

My mother's been gone for almost a year. She turns up in a train car where she's been operated on by a group of doctors who were burned alive. I just want the truth.

Mulder

The truth is out there, Agent Spender. Maybe you should find it for yourself.

Agent Mulder?

Mulder

Shh. Shhh. Shhhh.

Oh, my god. (laughing) Oh, my god, I think I'm going to pee the floor.

Mulder

(nervous chuckle) Don't... don't do that.