Fox Mulder quotes from The X-Files

Scully

(on phone) Mulder, are you okay?

Mulder

(on phone) Yeah, aside from terminal cell phone withdrawal... That, and I got to pee.

"Justice department jet: 2.6 turbine hours round trip at $1,400 an hour. Car rental - over-mileage, out-of-state use penalties: $346. Compensation to one Walter R. Duncan for unauthorized use of his 1968 Caprice station wagon: $500."

Mulder

Why don't you bill me?

I'll bill your partner instead. You too obviously relish the role of martyr.

Mulder

Okay. So are we done here? Back to the bozo work investigating huge piles of manure?

You can always quit.

Scully

Sir, Agent Mulder has been through a lot.

And you apologize for him a lot. I've noticed that about you.

Scully

I'm not apologizing for this. Because of his work, the DOD is shutting down their antenna array in northeastern Nevada. Our participation in this case has saved lives.

I don't see you proving that. The Department of Defense admits no culpability whatsoever. Furthermore, they say the closing of the facility was coincidental.

Scully

("yeah, right" tone) Right.

Don't misunderstand me, Agent. I don't care if you and your partner saved a school bus full of doe-eyed urchins on their way to Sunday Bible camp. You no longer investigate X-Files. You are done and the sooner you and Mulder come to recognize that, the better for both of you.

Scully

(mutters angrily as she leaves) Big piles of manure.

Mulder

My name's Mulder. Fox Mulder.

That a name? Mulder?

Mulder

I got ID in my pocket.

(pulling out and reading Mulder's badge) "Fox Mulder, Federal Bureau of Investigation." Sorry, mate, never heard of it! [They begin dragging Mulder below decks.]

Mulder

(surprised) Never heard of it?

Tell you what we do with foxes. (laugh) Care to know?

Mulder

You never heard of the FBI?

Sir, the Germans, sir. They've taken control of the bridge. Steering a course for their homeland.

Not on the watch of captain Yip Harburg, they're not. Lock the prisoner up in here.

Mulder

It's okay. The war's over. Let them take you to Germany. They make nice cars.

Mulder

(to himself, grinning, thrilled) This is unbelievable.

(accusingly) Excuse me.

Mulder

Scully?

(boldly) I suggest you get your Nazi paws off me before you get one in the kisser.

Mulder

(lifting his hat so she can see him) Scully, it's me, Mulder.

Oh, you speak English, do you? Well, how'd you like to see the stars on the American flag? (holds her fist in front of his face)

Mulder

(hurt, confused) I'm not a Nazi.

Oh, sure. You just look like one, right? (returns to dancing)

Mulder

I had to steal this uniform! (putting his hands on her back) Scully?

(stops singing, points at Mulder) Hier ist der Mann, den sie wollen! (Here is the man you want!)

(fires gun into air) Halt! Hände hoch! Hände hoch! (Stop! Hands up! Hands up!)

(translating) He said, "Put your hands up."

Mulder

(to 1939 Scully) You see, I told you.

Oi... American, right? Saved your life, mate. Krauts don't want no reason to bring you Yanks into the war.

Mulder

I got two words for you, buddy-- Pearl Harbor.

What?

Mulder

After Poland, Hitler's on his way to Denmark, Holland and France with a few stops in between. The French all but roll over on us, the Italians seize their opportunity and the Japanese come through the back door. It's a long, bloody story. It fortunately has a happy ending.

We win?

Mulder

Yeah, you come out on the side of history with no small amount of help from us. Not much to apologize over the next 50 years except for maybe the Spice Girls.

Mulder

(taking her hand) Come on.

Stehen bleiben! Stehen bleiben... Oder ich erschiesse Sie. Hände hoch... Hinter Ihren Kopf. Machen Sies! (Stand still! Stand still. Or I will shoot you. Hands up... behind your heads. Do it!)

Now what, Einstein?

Machen Sies! (Do it!)

God bless America. Now get your asses out of here.

So, if I don't turn this ship around...?

Mulder

In all likelihood, I won't exist.

(disbelieving) Oh...

Mulder

And neither will you.

Okay...

Mulder

So, in case we never meet again...

Mulder

I was expecting a left.

Scully

Mulder? Mulder, it's me. Hmm?

Mulder

(waking) Where am I? (tries to sit up)

Scully

You're in a hospital.

Mulder

Ooooo.

Scully

Lie still.

Mulder

I feel... Like hell.

Scully

I don't blame you. You've been through the wringer, I'd say.

Mulder

What happened to me?

Scully

You did something incredibly stupid.

Mulder

What did I do?

Scully

You went looking for a ship, Mulder. In the Bermuda Triangle.

Mulder

Say that again?

Frohike

Gilligan awakes.

Mulder

You were there.

Scully

Hmm?

Mulder

You were there, Scully.

Langly

(to the others) He's delirious.

Mulder

(referring to Skinner) And he was there, too.

Skinner

(dropping a bouquet of flowers on the nightstand) Right - Me and my dog Toto.

Mulder

No, you were there with the Nazis.

Scully

Mulder, will you settle down? It's an order.

Skinner

Not that he takes orders...

Mulder

You saved the world, Scully.

Scully

Yeah... You're right. I did.

Frohike

What kind of drugs is he on?

Langly

I want some.

Mulder

No, no, no... The Queen Anne- I found it. You were there with Thor's Hammer. I told you you had to turn the ship around and then I jumped overboard.

Scully

Yeah, I bet you did. The boat that you were on was busted into a million pieces. And as for the Queen Anne... it was nothing more than a ghost ship.

Mulder

No, no, no. You and I were on that ship, Scully. In 1939.

Skinner

Get some rest, Mulder, 'cause when you get out of here I'm going to kick your butt but good.

Mulder

I would've never seen you again. But you believed me.

Scully

In your dreams. (as if talking to a child) Mulder, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to think to yourself "there's no place like home."

Mulder

Mmm. (chuckles) [Scully starts to leave; he calls her back.] Hey, Scully. (leans up on his elbow)

Scully

[Comes back and leans close to his face.] Yes?

Mulder

I love you.

Scully

Oh, brother... (turns away and leaves the room)

Mulder

(pointing at a sign) Milepost 134. Two miles to go.

Scully

(dryly) I'm all a-tingle. (they share a look) So, Mulder, this supposed clandestine source who's contacted you how do we know that he's not just another crackpot whose encyclopedic knowledge of extraterrestrial life isn't derived exclusively from reruns of Star Trek?

Scully

Mulder, it's the dim hope of finding that proof that's kept us in this car, or one very much like it for more nights than I care to remember. (Mulder looks at her fondly) Driving hundreds if not thousands of miles through neighborhoods and cities and towns where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and their dogs, and... in short, living their lives. While we - we - we just keep driving.

Mulder

What is your point?

Scully

Don't you ever just want to stop? Get out of the damn car? Settle down and live something approaching a normal life?

Mulder

(defensive) This is a normal life. [Scully smiles to herself.]

Okay, well, uh... Everybody have a, uh... a good day at your various, uh... (realizes no one is paying attention) All right. (Turns to leave.)

Mom!

Morris! What about Chris?

Chris?

You said you'd give me an answer today.

Her nose. You said you'd give her an answer about her nose.

Um... I think... [Chris gives him a little girl look.] I think she's a little young for plastic surgery don't you think? [Chris cries again.]

Oh, for God's sake, Morris - a nose ring! She said she wants a nose ring!

(to Mulder) I hate you! I wish you were dead.

Well, my work here is done. Have a nice day.

This is not a marriage. It's a farce.

What?

You're not attracted to me anymore. I disgust you, don't i?

No. No. It's not... It's not that you're disgusting. I-i-it's just that...

It's just that you don't want to ever make love to me ever again, that's all. That and you mumble something about Scully in your sleep. Who is Scully, Morris? Is it another woman?

Does Scully sound like a woman's name to you?

Who is Scully? Tell me.

Oh, Joanne, I'm sure I've told you many times in the past that there are things about my work that unfortunately, I have to keep a secret.

Oh, no, buster. That's not going to fly this time.

My point is that there are a lot of things you don't know about me. And... I've just... I've been under a lot of pressure lately. I mean, up is down and black is white. I don't know where I stand anymore. I don't even know... who I am really anymore. I just... I know for sure that I am not the man you married. I'm just not. And I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry.

Oh, god, Morris. I didn't know. They have that pill now. (understanding laughter) We can work this out. There's other ways to be intimate.

Scully

I'm sorry. Uh, Morris Fletcher?

(quietly) Scully, it's me. It's Mulder. [Mulder closes the door and pulls Scully into the driveway.]

Scully

(nervous) You're, uh... You're the man from the other night? From Area 51?

(yelling from inside the house) Liar!

Scully

You phoned me. Would you mind telling me what this is about?

I'm Mulder. I'm really Mulder. I switched bodies, places, identities with this man Morris Fletcher the man that you think is Mulder, but he's not. (sees his reflection in the car window - of Morris) Of course you don't believe me. Why was I expecting anything different? Your full name is Dana Katherine Scully. Your badge number is... Hell! I don't know your badge number. Your mother's name is Margaret. Your brother's name is Bill Jr. He's in the Navy and he hates me. (no response from Scully) Lately, for lunch, you've been having this six-ounce cup of yogurt, plain yogurt, into which you stir bee pollen because you're on a bee pollen kick even though I tell you you're a scientist and you should know better.

(opens the door and dumps all of Morris' black suits onto the front steps) Cheater!

Scully

Look... Any of that information could have been gathered by anyone.

Even that yogurt thing? That is so you. That is so Scully. Well, it's good to know you haven't changed. That's somewhat comforting.

Joanne, listen to me. There's something I got to tell you.

I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris. Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, whatshername.

Dana Scully. Special Agent Dana Scully.

Special Tramp Dana Scully.

She's my partner, Joanne.

I'm supposed to be your partner.

My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder. Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner. I am not your husband we are not married, we are complete strangers and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.

You know, Morris, most men, when they have a mid-life crisis - they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't run around calling themselves Fox.