Josh[while jogging] There was a reckless deregulation of the S&L industry by a Democratic Congress, it was flooded with S&L donations. A disaster which nearly collapsed the banking industry and cost the taxpayers 500 billion dollars.
Josh
We're no better with the money than they are.
Josh
Three-quarters of all soft money coming to the Democratic party isn't coming from labor unions, it's coming from corporations.
Josh
Over a hundred businesses gave both parties in excess of $125,000 in the last election.
Josh
They gave it to both parties! This isn't free speech or political values, Mr. Vice President. I don't know how we've done it, but we've legalized bribery.
Josh
So, now what we've got is two corporate parties - one pro-life, one pro-choice.
Josh, like I said, what's your point? I mean, what's your point?
Josh
We've noticed the sudden increase in racquetball and late-night poker games with democratic opponents of campaign finance reform.
Come on, Josh, this is Washington, DC. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Democratic opponent of campaign finance reform.
Josh
Can we stop running for a second? [They stop running] You're backing the wrong horse. You read the same polls I do. President's gone up nine points in three weeks. 51% job approval - big deal. But he's going on national television tonight, that's going to be another 5 that's 56%, a 14-point bump in a month.
Josh
Hang on. If we bring this pilot back home alive, that's another 10 points. And then we're off to the races with a job approval rating in the high 60s. Now every Democratic congressman in a tight race is looking to get his picture taken with the president, and you're looking around the racquetball court, saying, "Where did everybody go?" You've had some experience battling Jed Bartlet when he's right, and you've had some experience battling him when he's popular. Why in the world would you want to try it when he's both at the same time?
You know something, Josh, sometimes I wonder if I'd listened to you two years ago, would I be President right now? Do you ever wonder that?
Josh
No sir, I know it for sure.
Josh You're not taking the job?
No. But thank you for talking to me, instead of about me.
Josh
Hey, I'm still back on he offered you the job... but you're not taking the job?
No, man, why participate in the process when you can get a job commenting on it?
You think because I don't want to work here it's because I can get a better gig on Geraldo? Gosh, let's see if there could possibly be any other reason why I wouldn't want to work in this White House? This White House that feels that government is better for children than parents are. That looks at forty years of degrading and humiliating free lunches handed out in a spectacularly failed effort to level the playing field and says, 'Let's try forty more.' This White House that says of anyone that points that out to them, that they are cold and mean and racist, and then accuses Republicans of using the politics of fear. This White House that loves the Bill of Rights, all of them - except the second one.
This is the wrong place to talk about guns right now. I thought your column was idiotic.
But for a brilliant surgical team and two centimeters of a miracle, this guy's [Josh] dead right now. From bullets fired from a gun bought legally. They bought guns, they loaded 'em, they drove from Wheeling to Rosslyn, and until they pulled the trigger they had yet to commit a crime. I am so off the charts tired of the gun lobby tossing around words like personal freedom and nobody calling 'em on it. It's not about personal freedom. And it certainly has nothing to do with public safety. It's just that some people like guns.
Yes, they do. But do you know what's even more insidious than that? Your gun control position doesn't have anything to do with public safety, and it's certainly not about personal freedom. It's about that you don't like the people who do like guns. You don't like the people. Think about that the next time you make a joke about the South.
I have an excellent sense about these things.
Josh
Actually, you have no sense about these things. You have no vibe, you have terrible taste in men, and your desire to be coupled up will always and forever drown out any sense of self or self-worth that you may have.
You're a downer, you know that? I'm calling you Deputy Downer from now on.
Every time we come up on a holiday, you guys check out like seniors who are done with finals.
We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
And possibly a new action-adventure series.
Nobody here has checked out...
[Josh enters]
Josh
Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails.
SStanley
What happened three weeks ago?
Josh
I don't know what you're referring to.
SStanley
I don't know what I'm referring to either, but some of the people you work with became concerned with your behavior three weeks ago.
Josh
Well, I've been concerned with their behavior since long before that.
Josh
Yeah.
That's the American Trauma Victims Association.
Josh
Yeah.
We're commonly called in by the government to work with trauma victims. I'll give you some examples. The pipe bomb at Lancaster Middle School. We worked with the parents and the kids...
Josh
[interrupts] Tulsa, Hurricane Beth, the Chatham fires, the Iowa tornadoes, the FBI raid in Rock Creek.
So, you are familiar with us?
Josh
Dr. Keyworth, I'm the Deputy White House Chief of Staff. I oversee 1100 White House employees. I answer directly to Leo McGarry and the President of the United States. Do you think you're talking to the paperboy?
Josh
In your wildest dreams did you imagine that I'd walk in this room without knowing exactly who you are and what you do?
Josh
Then why did you lie to me right off the bat?
Josh
[indicating Kaytha] She's not here training!
As a matter of fact, she is.
Josh
I read briefing books every day on subjects considerably more complicated than ATVA.
She is here training in trauma therapy.
Josh
Yeah, but that's not why there are two of you.
Josh
That's not the reason why there are two of you.
Josh
I get up, go to the bathroom, go to my office, answer the phone -- one of you watches me.
Josh
Stanley, you got off to a bad start.
Josh
Yes, you did.
Josh
You gonna lie to me this time?
Josh
Haven't yet.
Josh
Yeah.
[Dr. Keyworth nods and waits a moment.]
How did you cut your hand? [pause] You're not talking to the paperboy, either, Josh.
Josh
Stanley, you can ask the questions and you can answer them, but you can't do both at the same time.
Josh
Why?
Because I know the answers, and I don't work for you.
Josh
Is there gonna be a...
Josh
Stanley...
[We see a flashback of Josh in his apartment, sitting on a couch with a glass.]
Josh
I put a glass down.
[Josh breaks the glass in his hand.]
Yeah, I don't think you did.
Josh
Stanley, I got home from the thing, I made a drink, I sat down, I pushed the magazine aside to use as a coaster, and I missed the coaster.
You missed the coaster with quite a bit of force.
Josh
I work out when I can.
I swear, I am completely unimpressed with clever answers.
Josh
And I was so hoping we'd have a second date.
[pause] You're in nine kinds of pain. You don't even know what's going on inside of you. And you are so locked into damage control that you can't...
Josh
You diagnosed me in eight hours?
Josh, I diagnosed you in five minutes.
Josh
Why would the music have started it?
Well, I know it's going to sound like I'm telling you that two plus two equals a bushel of potatoes, but at this moment, in your head, music is the same thing as...
Josh
...as sirens. So that's going to be my reaction every time I hear music?
Josh
Why not?
Because... we get better.
Josh
All the same, I need some more therapy.
Oh, you're gonna get some.
Josh
I mean now.
Josh
We can order a pizza!
[laughs] Have a good night.
Josh
Stanley, I haven't told you my dreams yet!
Josh
Merry Christmas.
It's a private poll. The press doesn't have access to it... The only way they'd know what questions were being asked is if they were actually called by one of the pollsters and... Oh my god!
A reporter got called by one of the pollsters?
Josh
Wow. What are the chances of that?
The chances of that are astronomical.
Josh
We can calculate it. They sample 800 respondents...
Would the two of you stop being amazed by the mathematics!
The West Wing · 913 quotes
