“The Midterms” · Season 2
In this episode: Josiah Bartlet (4), Toby Ziegler (2), Josh Lyman (1), Leo McGarry (1), Sam Seaborn (1), Charlie Young (1)
Tell me democracy doesn't have a sense of humor. We sit here, we drink this beer out here on the stoop, in violation of about 47 city ordinances. I don't know, Toby, it's election night. What do you say about a government that goes out of its way to protect even citizens that try to destroy it?
God bless America.
Good morning, everybody. Anybody know what the word 'acalculia' means?
It's the inability to perform arithmetic functions...I'm sorry, Mr. President. You wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?
Yeah, but I'll get over it.
Good for you, sir. That's very mature.
Shut up.
You're not over it yet, are you?
Toby, I'm drinking the most fantastic thing I've ever tasted in my life: chocolate syrup, cold milk, and seltzer. I know it sounds terrible, but trust me, I don't know where this has been all my life.
It's called an egg cream, Mr. President. We invented them in Brooklyn.
In Brooklyn? Not New England?
There are many good things in this world not from New England, sir.
Toby, don't ever let me hear you say that again.
Charlie Okay. Zoey and I are going out. I'll be on my pager.
You're going out?
Yeah.
Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?
Hey, Leo...
Secret Service protection, Charlie. But thanks for loading me up with that image.
I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
Yes it does. Leviticus.
18:22.
Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs. Are you an M.D.?
Ph.D.
A Ph.D.?
Yes, sir.
In Psychology?
No sir.
Theology?
No.
Social work?
I have a Ph.D. in English Literature.
I'm asking, 'cause on your show, people call in for advice and you go by the name of Dr. Jacobs on your show. And I didn't know if maybe your listeners were confused by that, and assumed you had advanced training in Psychology, Theology, or health care.
I don't believe they are confused, no sir.
Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
Yes it does. Leviticus.
18:22.
Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
[long pause; Dr. Jenna Jacobs stands]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
