The Venture Bros. Season 1 quotes

What, is this some kind of revenge hit? I'm retired from archvillainy!

No-one retires from Phantom Limb's shit-list!

Your powers are useless on me, you silly billy.

(somberly) Brock... am I a bad person?

Brock

Doc, what the hell just hap...

Am I, Brock?

Brock

(pauses, then rocks his hand in a "kind of" gesture) Ehhhh......

The Alchemist

I swear, this has NEVER happened before...

[reading] "Notice of hostile takeover"? Venture— what a dick! Wait, we're not even a publicly traded company.

Oh, FYI, I issued some shares back when we needed cash for the Nintendo Wii.

You will never be able to reach your full potential until you first confront your deep-seated fear of success. Now get into the bag.

What's in it?

Only what you take with you.

Dr. Orpheus

Have you not the eyes to see what he is doing? I've touched his mind! His is the way of the serpent and the apple. He seduced your employer with the poisoned promises of a Faustian covenant, giving with one hand as he macerates your souls with the other! We must stop him at once!

What the hell am I signing, a zeppelin?

A most sacred pact: membership in the most elite brotherhood, mit exclusive arching rights.

Didn't have to go through all this hooey to get my first archenemy, but what the hey? Did you pick me a good one?

No, you did.

[Looking at the video-screen] What...my brother?

Bingo! Isn't it perfect? It's a classic Cain-und-Abel story.

But...but he can't arch me, he's not even a super... [The reality dawns on him] Oh, my God, this is...but I'm not a...

Aren't you? Is this not what your heart was trying to tell you in your visions? Sign it. Make your blood feud official! Act now! Venchmen are standing by for your order!

All the vorld's a stage, und all the men und women mearly players. They have their entrances und exits, und one man in his time plays many parts. His acts being seven ages...

Heheh, you said it, Killer! And you can read more about it in The Bible!

White, I just remembered something...

What?

Everything...

Hello, Goldilocks? This is Casper. Little Nemo has fallen out of bed.

Barkeep! Another 'Suffering Bastard', if you please. [He falls down, receiving a call on his watch] ...Hello?

Myra

How could you just leave like that without telling me where you're going?

You're not my mother, you're my bodyguard.

Myra

How can I guard your body if I can't be close to your body?!

Oh, God. Barkeep, where's that Suffering Bastard?

I'm looking at him!

Oh Ha, Ha...

Please do not be alarmed. We are about to engage... The Nozzle. Please do not move while The Nozzle is engaging. Moving will disrupt calibration of... The Nozzle. Please wait while we calibrate... The Nozzle. Please do not look away from... The Nozzle. The Nozzle is now calibrating... The Nozzle is still calibrating... The Nozzle has completed calibration. Thank you.

...You saw what he said, he’s not in the Guild of Calamitous Intent. It’s like a businessman’s club or something.

That’s what they said about the Bilderberg Group, son… and then whammo! Berlin Wall comes tumbling down.

No it hasn’t.

Oh, it will, kiddo. It was decided at the last meeting.

Oh, and Hunter, Wayland Flowers called, and he wants his Madam back. BOOM!

Yeah? Well, the Village People called, AND THEY WANT YOU TO GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF, YOU PRANCING BASTARD!