I'm in the bathroom and you gotta get in here! It smells like... like gun powdered-throw up-poo poo eggs!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You should see a doctor! It smells like you pounded garbage into your butt!
Knock it off. We have a mystery in our bathroom. Query: Can flames come out of a toilet?
Hank, if you did this...
I didn't! Dude, if I did this, I would tell you! I would be, like, almost proud of this!
Ooohhh, Hank! What is wrong with you?
Right? It smells like a bible story in here.
Did my grandpa teach you to crap?
2#21
We're -totally- going to fly into some hot chick's bedroom!.
2#24
Oh totally! And she'll be like, dating the good guy. And I'll come in and be all; "I'll spare his life, but only for you s-sugarpants"
2#21
(Grabbing #24's shoulders, shaking him roughly) Dude! And then you will have sex! You will be having sex! Sex!
Oh, but which door to choose? That one can have fun, surprises, and a year's supply of Turtle Wax behind it.... (the prostitute opens the door, and a polar bear pounces on her) ... or the polar bear from Lost!
(to the prostitute) I don't blame you for desiring me...the Monarch is DELICIOUS!!!
WWard
So you share a lair with Dr. Orpheus?
Hardly. He rents an apartment from me.
I can't believe that we are standing in the same conference room the Treaty of Tolerance was signed in!
WWard
Yes. So cool. Your father is a legend at the Guild.
Yeah, legend! He's responsible for stealing my father's leg!
WWard
Don't start me! The REAL Dr. Venture was the reason I got into this business!
Hey, just keep the nuts away from my lab. Because I have some pretty impressive things going on in there.
WWard
(to Ward, still snickering) No, shut up. Oh yeah, we'll do our best to keep them away from your...
(still snickering) Impressive...
WWard
Yeah, impressive stuff.
You better! Where's Mr. Magic? How come the prom queen isn't here to crown his king?
WWard
He's astral projecting, I think.
Showoff...
To assemble his team.
A team? You mean he was approved as a team? What a wuss! (starts chuckling, then stops)
WWard
(fakes clearing his throat) Jealous!
PProstitute
Think you can give me directions back to Liberty Street?
Listen and listen well. The road before you is beset with many perils! Every turn you make will bring you closer to the cold awaiting hands of Sister Fate!
PProstitute
Or just the center of town? Do you have a pen? Maybe I should...
Fear me, Theseus, for I AM THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR! [Disrobes, revealing a large minotaur tattoo on his back) This Cocoon has witnessed your sins, and she seeks vengeance! The Cocoon will punish the wicked, the Cocoon will reward the righteous! You must escape from her grasp, you must earn your freedom!
PProstitute
Dude, I don't have time for... (A trap door beneath the bed opens, sending the Prostitute down)
How much do you want to live?!
(trying to explain the birds and the bees to Dean) I'm going to explain to you what most boys your age (pauses) have known for like five years already.
(watching the guild candidates attack the walking robotic eye) Well, I'm gonna go out there and get some of that action.
Uhh... Don't you wanna change?
No way. I love wearing a tux when I kill guys. Makes you feel kinda like James Bond.
OTOrder of the Triad
(Dr. Orpheus, Jefferson Twilight, and the Alchemist do their "thing") Order of the Triad... Go!
Get out of my kitchen.
2#24
I can't believe that whore stole my Stanza.
2#21
I can't believe that whore made it through the lake of acid.
VDr. Venture
Alright Dean,I,er...need to talk about a few things with you.
Hank did it.
Do not drink the chocolate milk!
When the Gargantua-1 Space Station breaks orbit and crashes into a wanted terrorist, Colonel Bud Manstrong becomes a national hero. But did it really happen or is Bud's mother, the indomitable Mrs. Manstrong, behind an insidious plot to assassinate the President? The mysterious blinking band aid on Bud's head might be the key to a mystery only the ghost of Abraham Lincoln and Team Venture can solve.
[Doctor Venture is jealous that Bud Manstrong is getting so much attention]
They might as well give a medal to the seats while they're pinning one on "Luck Rogers" over there.
(with disbelief) "Luck Rogers"?
(chuckles) You like that? I almost said "Flash in the pan Gordon".
Glad you didn't.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.