...What're you doing?
ODr. Orpheus
I like digging. Can't a man leave his home with a shovel without an inquisition?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Things return to normal in the lives of the Ventures. The Monarch confronts Dr. Girlfriend in a mall food court while his new henchmen stumble upon the Venture family shopping.
2#21
Are you the bully of your school? Or the even the victim of bullying? Do you watch movies about costumed heroes and think, "Wow, that guy's a pussy. I sure hope a much cooler bad guy kicks his ass."?
2#24
(unconvincingly) Wow, it's like you were reading my mind.
2#21
I am not a mind reader, stranger. You, like so many others, are drawn to this sexy, action-packed lifestyle of the professional henchman.
2#24
But I could never be a henchman. I am just a normal guy who is between the age of 18 and 30. A loner and lacks ties to friends and family.
2#21
You, stranger, are the perfect candidate for costumed aggression.
GMGang Member 1
Yo, fat boy. You get to carry a piece?
2#21
But of course. Your standard Grade One henchman in service of the mighty Monarch is issued a dart gun and a grappling cannon to name only a few of the exciting accoutrements that will aid the henchman in his wonderous world of career henching.
GMGang Member 2
Hey, what kind of ride we get?
2#21
How does an enormous flying cocoon sound to you?
2#24
Wow, a flying cocoon. I can already feel my life getting better!
I look like Santa's magic janitor.
Don't say it.
You look like the Mayor of Candy Land.
SHIT! Mall cops! Henchmen, retreat!
I am sitting in the charred remains of my once mighty, flying cocoon. Anyone... wanna explain to me why my cocoon is charred...
2#24
Because you told us to destroy the cocoon.
And why it is sideways?
2#21
We were following orders! You can't yell at us for following orders.
2#24
Or kill us for following orders.
2#21
Awesome! We are BACK, dude!
2#24
You heard him. I'll pick you up in five. Be outside. I don't want to have to talk to your mom.
2#21
Oh, I will BE there!
2#21
Henchman 28! Front and center!
2#28
You want me, you roll your big ass over here. And I done told you, my name is Number One!
There's just so many buttons... so... so many buttons!
Phantom Limb(Speaking to Brock Sampson): I have removed the bullet. And three others, a blowgun dart, two shark's teeth, a tip of a bayonet, a twisted paperclip, and a meager handful of buckshot. You may want to learn how to duck.
Not even a scar? Did you look around the nipple, or belly button? Sometimes they- they put 'em in through there.
Look, she is all woman. I have explored every supple inch of her and I have found nothing but nectar.
All right, fine. Maybe the Monarch's just better equipped.
[Referring to their Firearms] You are strapping on an ultra-light gyropack. They are only issued to top ranking Guild officials.
No, I mean better... equipped.
She was kidnapped, alright?! Kid. Napped.
Ehh, I'm just sayin'.
Let's go!
I thought for sure you were gonna hit me with "lock and load."
The night is still young!
Hey, that killer hand thing is pretty cool. Can you get me one of those?
That's all me! The outcome of a botched experiment that made me evil.
I so called that!
Well met! You did that with his own finger?
Eh, it's just one guy.
You showoff!
2#21
Gentlemen, choose your weapons.
2#24
Is this them?
2#21
Are these they?
2#24
Who talks like that?
Out of the way! I'm the leader here, I'll distribute the... wha. (uneasy pause) Are these they?
[The Arsenal turns out to be simply a crude collection of fan memorabilia]
2#21
(proudly) Yeah, and you have to admit, it is a pretty formidable collection.
You fucking idiot! What the hell are we supposed to do with this crap? Make them laugh so hard they blow malt liquor out of their noses?
No, I think you'll have that covered when you storm the room in butterfly costumes.
Oh, ha ha ha. Nice onesie, dick. Does it have snaps in the back so you can make poopie?
2#24
Whoa!! Snap! No he didn't!
This is a speed-suit, mister, not a onesie!
Fine. Maybe they’ll think you’re a three-year old with progeria and take pity on us!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.