(to Cody about his gift to Maddie) I'll buy it off you! Name your price.
Ten thousand dollars!
Name a lower price!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What did you get her?
A tea set, including a China cup with her name painted on it, her favorite tea imported from India, and a box of cinnamon sticks.
Well, how did you know she wanted all that?
Because last week, she said to us, "For my birthday, I'd really like a China cup with my name painted on it, my favorite tea imported from India, and a box of cinnamon sticks."
What was I doing when she said that?
Staring at her, thinking about that talk we had with Dad.
I wanna make fun of Cody before his date, and it's always nice to have backup.
Actually, I'm here because there is no date... Irma postponed it.
When?
When I say postponed, I mean dumped!
She dumped him? That'll crush him! We'll have to break it to him gently. [Cody walks in.] Hey, Cody! Welcome to the club!
What club?
The-Guys-Who-Aren't-Dating-Irma Club.
That's your idea of gentle?
Hey, I didn't kick him.
You're lying.
I got it directly from the source. Irma told Kim who told Phill who told Ashley who told Brenda who told Dylan who told Cole who told me... [breathes in for air] It's over.
But why? What happened?
She got back together with her camp boyfriend.
No! Not Joaquin! The one with the 12-speed bike and the puka shell necklace! This is horrible.
Ok, buddy, this was a tough break, but there are lots of fish in the sea.
[crying] I don't want a fish... I want I-i-irma!
Come on, with whiskers like those, she looks like a catfish!
KKirk
I'd like a chocolate bar, please.
[See's Kirk and gets exited] You can have anything you want!
KKirk
[blank look on his face] I'd like a chocolate bar, please.
You're a man with a purpose. I like that. So, are you twin?
KKirk
Yeah, are you?
No, my parents are old-fashioned. They like to make 'em one at a time.
Ooh! look at that cute girl over there. Ooh! and there she is again! One for each of us!
I already have a girl, my beautiful Irma.
Your beautiful Irma happens to have more hair on her upper lip than you do.
How about I show you one of Boston's most elegant restaurants? Ever had a 7-meat pizza?
That sounds intriguing! ...Or disgusting...
It's both! So, how about it?
Thanks! But... I don't go anywhere without my sister Janice.
No problem. I'll take my vitamins.
I meant - could you bring your brother?
That's another way to go...
Dude! Look at you! The suite is clean but you're a mess! You need to get back out there. But you might wanna take off the apron first.
I told you I'm not ready.
I understand. Only time can mend a broken heart.
Thank you.
You've got five minutes. Because that's when Jessica and Janice are gonna be here for our date.
What part of "not going" don't you understand?
The "not" part. Dude, they're twins! Gorgeous twins! On vacation! What they do in Boston stays in Boston!
And then I get back and they're all crying into their pizza!
Well, honey, I'm sorry your date was ruined, but you got what you deserved.
Is there no shoulder for me to cry on?
You pushed you brother to go out before he was ready just so you could have fun. Honey, it's gonna be a long time before he's comfortable around girls.
[entering the suite with Jessica and Janice, all laughing] I had a wonderful time, ladies.
Don't forget, see you tomorrow for breakfast.
Tea and scones! [they both kiss Cody's cheeks]
Pip, pip! Cheerio! Ta-ta! Peace out! [girls leave] Yes! Zack, I can't thank you enough. If you hadn't told me to get back out there, I'd be sitting here alone and so depressed! ♪Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the wave...♪
DDirk
We're fraternal twins.
No you're not. You don't look anything alike.
DDirk
You can have my baked potato.
Don't you want any?
DDirk
Nah. I feel like I can still taste the fertilizer.
It's my motto: "Aim low and avoid disappointment."
I thought your motto was "Sleep and eat."
It's my other motto, and it's not as easy as it seems. Sometimes you eat too much and you can't sleep. Sometimes you sleep too much and miss a meal.
Boy, your life is a real delicate balance.
You have no idea!
What have I told you, Zack? "Neither a borrower nor a lender be."
Well, I'm halfway there. I never lend.
I spelled it p-o-l-i-t-i-c-k-s.
So you got it right.
You locked him in the hallway with no clothes.
But two weeks of no TV is cruel and unusual punishment.
Don't push it. And if you do it again, I'll ground you so long they'll write country music songs about it.
What is it with you? I tell you not to do something, you promise not to do it, and you do it anyways!
Life, it's all a learning experience.
[chiming in] And you learned nothing. [to Carey] I'd go with "no allowance".
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Suite Life of Zack & Cody pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.