“Sideshow Bob Roberts” · Season 6
In this episode: Sideshow Bob (3), Bart Simpson (2), Abe (2), Homer Simpson (1), Lisa Simpson (1), Jasper Beardsley (1), Joe Quimby (1)
You see, Birch, I'm presently incarcerated.
[...]
Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Ha! "Attempted murder." Now, honestly, what is that? Do they give out a Nobel Prize for "attempted chemistry"? Do they? [someone throws a toilet that nearly hits Bob] Oh, really now, this is a personal call!
And this proposed expressway will bring increased commerce to our local merchants.
[murmur]
WHAT'S IN IT FOR US!?!
Yeah, give us something we like or we'll ride you out of town on a rail!
Well, what do you people like?
Sleep.
Sexy dames and plenty of 'em!
MATLOCK!!
[...]
Well, I suppose I could name it the... "Matlock Expressway"!
Bart, we can't let Bob steal the spotlight like this. We're gonna have to sink to the lowest common denominator.
I can do that.
I know what you're up to, Mayor Terwigiger, and no-one in my family's gonna stand for it. [foghorn sound]
[on Matlock Ex. with Jasper] Move your goldarn house, son!
[Bart and Lisa have just tricked Sideshow Bob into revealing that he stole the election]
There. Is that what you want, you smarmy little bastards?
We want the truth!
You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you! Bah, I deride your truth-handling abilities!
But why?
Because you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down, you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals and rule you like a king. That's why I did it- to save you from yourselves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run.
Bailiffs, place the mayor under arrest!
What...? Oh, right, all that stuff I did.
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