“Itchy & Scratchy Land” · Season 6
In this episode: Homer Simpson (3), Marge Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (2), Bart Simpson (1), Hans Moleman (1)
Dad! Remember when we asked you if we could go to Itchy & Scratchy Land and you said it'd be too damned expensive?
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Look at this Bible I just bought. Fifteen bucks! And talk about a preachy book, everyone's a sinner. Except for this guy.
[Ordering at a restaurant]
I'll have a brain burger with extra pus, please.
Bart!
Eyeball stew.
Homer! We just got here and already I'm mortified beyond belief by your embarrassing behavior.
I was just ordering a cheeseburger, Mom. They have violent names for everything here.
[relieved] Oh, I see. [looks at the menu] Alright...hmm... I'll have the baby guts.
Psh. Lady, you disgust me. [walks away]
Mom, that's veal.
Oh...
Attention, Marge Simpson. Your son has been arrested.
[Marge overhears two women nearby]
I'd be terribly embarrassed if I was that boy's mother.
[Marge groans, embarrassed]
Attention, Marge Simpson. We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.
[Marge groans again]
[in the Itchy and Scratchy Land jail]
Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.
[German accent] Ok, throw her in the hole.
[Guards go to grab Marge]
Oh, please, it was just a figure of speech!
I have nothing to say to you.
But Marge, I was a political prisoner!
How were you a political prisoner?
I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?
[Hans Moleman is inside a phone booth at the bird sanctuary with birds attacking him.]
[Into phone] Hello, I need the largest seed bell you have. [Pause] No, that's too big...
Hello? Itchy & Scratchy Land, open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
