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S2

The Simpsons · Season 2

“Bart Gets Hit by a Car” quotes from The Simpsons

3 quotes

“Bart Gets Hit by a Car” · Season 2

In this episode: Homer Simpson (3), Marge Simpson (2), Mr. Burns (1), Waylon Smithers (1), Lenny Leonard (1), Lionel Hutz (1), Blue-Haired Lawyer (1)

Hey, Simpson. I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy.

If I wasn't so spineless, I'd march into Mr. Burns' office right now and...

Simpson!

Aah!

Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now!

Uh-oh.

[While spying on Homer and Marge in the next room, Burns almost feels like he's having a panic attack when he hears Homer abrasively refusing his settlement]

I'll tell you what I think. I think he thinks that I'm an idiot! The only reason he's offering us this is because he knows he's going to lose the trial and will have to pay us the cool million! $500,000, I spit at his $500,000! [attempts to spit at the offered check, but misses and hits a chair. He tries to clean off the chair]

[losing her patience with Homer's behavior] Homer, what's happened to you?! All this greediness, lying, the shifty lawyers and the phony doctors!

[realizes Homer's been using a quack] Phony doctors, hello!

Do you know what I'd settle for if it were up to me? Bart's medical bills and an apology!

[reappearing on the scene with Smithers, and gets the check to tear it up] And you won't even get that from me either! Sorry, offer's expired! I guess we'll just have to let the jury decide, twelve good men and true. Good day. Smithers, release the hounds!

[The hounds chased Homer and Marge out of the mansion]

[At the trial the next day, everyone is shocked when Mr. Burns' lawyer calls Marge to the witness stand]

BBailiff

Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Mmm...Yes, I do.

She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.

[cringes] D'oh, the truth.

[walks up to her] Mrs. Simpson, does the name Julius Hibbert mean anything to you?

Yes, he's been our family physician and trusted friend ever since the day I became a mother. He's seen us through everything from colds to impetigo all with competence, love and care.

But, wait a minute, I'm confused. We just heard expert testimony from one Dr. Nick Riviera. What is your opinion on him? [Marge becomes nervous and hesitant] Mrs. Simpson!

[trying to plead the fifth] I'm sorry, but my mother always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Will that hold up in court?

[glumly admitting] No, I tried that before.

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