The Ren & Stimpy Show quotes

Look at you, man! You're a full-grown cat still watching cartoons! Why, you're three years old! Do you know what that is in human years? [Stimpy bows his head in shame. Ren looks guilty, then raises Stimpy's face up] Oh, listen to me, man. I'm your friend. [He pulls the top of Stimpy's head off, exposing Stimpy's tiny brain on a silver pedestal] Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? [He picks up Stimpy's brain] Look what it's done to your brain!

[Squealing, he looks at Ren and puts a finger to his lips] Shh!

[chasing Stimpy] Get yer hand outta dat pic-a-nic basket, you dusty old cat! Psst, hey kid, say yer line!

Oh yeah! Jane, stop this crazy thing! Well, blow me down! I'm hunting for a rabbit! I hate meeces to pieces!

Hey kid, you did all right! [He gives Stimpy an OK hand gesture] You lousy bum. [Stimpy sits on a stool looking depressed] Well, what's the matter? [Stimpy whimpers] Hey kid, I don't get it. You got it made! You got forty-seven million dollars. You got my TV contract. What more could you possibly want?

I WANT REN! [cries]

My, you're looking chipper this morning! [He sets the tray down on Ren's lap] Look, I brought you your breakfast in bed!

[touched] I don't deserve you. [He picks up the coffee cup] Mmm, my coffee.

[taking the cup] Ah ah ah! [He takes the thermometer out of Ren's mouth and uses it to stir the coffee before handing the cup back to him] I brought you your paper too! I know how you like to read your paper at breakfast. [He holds up the newspaper and gives it to Ren]

God bless you, Stimpy. I'm sorry I'm all the time mean to you. [takes a sip of his coffee. Upon seeing what's on the newspaper, he screams in horror] "Ren Höek takes bubbly sponge bath"? [faints]

Oh, no! A total relapse!

[holding soap] Oh no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!

Come on now.

No you don't! You can't take it from me now! I have had this ice cream bar since I was a child! People... always trying to take it from me! WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?!

Easy now.

[grabs a toothbrush] BACK OFF, MAN! DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS! ONE STEP CLOSER, I'M WARNING YA! DON'T MAKE ME USE IT! Now you've done it! YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT! [brushes his teeth]

Why, it's amazing! How do they work?

They're full of glue. [glue oozes out of the top of the socks; Ren starts to lose it] I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.

You filthy swine! I will kill you!

[singing] Hello boys and girls,

Ren, you're angry?

[enraged] YOU'RE DARN TOOTING I'M ANGRY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! [suddenly happy] Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.

[confused] Happy to be of service?

We're trying to eat here! And you stand here, airing out your stinky old gum holes! What are you trying to do, make us puke?

You know Stimpy, with your invention and my savvy, we'll corner the rubber nipple market. We'll be millionaires! We'll rule the world!

Tsk Ren. I am not in this for financial gain. I have a dream. I believe one day that everyone everywhere... [cries as touching music plays] will know the wonders of my nipples!

[slams an iron onto Stimpy's face] Fine! You keep your dream and I'll keep the money! [pulls the iron out] Now shut up and drive!

Hey Guido. It's all so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the cheese, and you're the lemon merchant. You get it? And he knows it! That's why he's gonna kill us! So we gotta beat it. Yeah. Before he lets loose the marmosets on us! Don't worry little missy, I'll save you!

What's the big sleep, Ren?

He's... [suddenly shouting] DEAD! DEAD, YOU IDIOT! YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD IS?! JUST LIKE WE'LL BE IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE!

Next!

HERE! Take a look at this!

[looks at Ren's eyes] Hmm... [the close-up of Ren's eyes is shown] Asthma Chihuahua, huh? Look at that. [Mr. Horse looks at Ren's ears, full of bugs] Well, this is representative of this sickness brain. Alright, he's in. [Mr. Horse puts Ren to the Final Contestants]

Stimpy.

Hmm... [Mr. Horse looks at Stimpy's mouth] Never seen this breed before. [Mr. Horse looks at Stimpy's butt] Hmm... [Mr. Horse covers Stimpy] No sir, this butt's too smooth. Never heard of that. [Bulldog tries to open his mouth]

TAKE A CLOSER LOOK, YOU MORON! DON'T YOU KNOW A CORNISH REX HOUND WHEN YOU SEE ONE?!

Maybe I won't!

Hey Ren, he reminds me of your uncle Eddie.

Why's that?

'Cause he's big and stinky!

[slaps him] Hey! You shouldn't say mean things like that. Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings? Now let's steal that horse!

Alright boys, this is it. A real dog's gotta learn how to protect its master. Now in order to protect, you must learn how to ATTACK! Come on, boys! ATTACK! Let's go, Rex! ATTACK ME!

But you are my kind and beloved master! [sobs] I CA-A-A-A-AN'T!

BUT I CAN! [Sarcastically] DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!

NO!

[slow motion] Whoa.

[Sarcastically] IT'S THE DISCIPLINE THAT BEGETS LOVE! [Ren slaps his oar at George Liquor twice]

NO! [tear his ears off and grabs onto the oar, trying to prevent Ren from delivering another swing] YOU MUSTN'T, he's our master!

Eh, SHUT UP! You're next, Mr. Doggie Treat! HI-YA! [Ren then sadistically beats George with the oar while he is on the ground]

I'm looking for you now. I'm finding you.

I'm hiding in the closet like an idiot.