The Ren & Stimpy Show Season 1 quotes

Look at you, man! You're a full-grown cat still watching cartoons! Why, you're three years old! Do you know what that is in human years? [Stimpy bows his head in shame. Ren looks guilty, then raises Stimpy's face up] Oh, listen to me, man. I'm your friend. [He pulls the top of Stimpy's head off, exposing Stimpy's tiny brain on a silver pedestal] Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? [He picks up Stimpy's brain] Look what it's done to your brain!

[Squealing, he looks at Ren and puts a finger to his lips] Shh!

[chasing Stimpy] Get yer hand outta dat pic-a-nic basket, you dusty old cat! Psst, hey kid, say yer line!

Oh yeah! Jane, stop this crazy thing! Well, blow me down! I'm hunting for a rabbit! I hate meeces to pieces!

Hey kid, you did all right! [He gives Stimpy an OK hand gesture] You lousy bum. [Stimpy sits on a stool looking depressed] Well, what's the matter? [Stimpy whimpers] Hey kid, I don't get it. You got it made! You got forty-seven million dollars. You got my TV contract. What more could you possibly want?

I WANT REN! [cries]

My, you're looking chipper this morning! [He sets the tray down on Ren's lap] Look, I brought you your breakfast in bed!

[touched] I don't deserve you. [He picks up the coffee cup] Mmm, my coffee.

[taking the cup] Ah ah ah! [He takes the thermometer out of Ren's mouth and uses it to stir the coffee before handing the cup back to him] I brought you your paper too! I know how you like to read your paper at breakfast. [He holds up the newspaper and gives it to Ren]

God bless you, Stimpy. I'm sorry I'm all the time mean to you. [takes a sip of his coffee. Upon seeing what's on the newspaper, he screams in horror] "Ren Höek takes bubbly sponge bath"? [faints]

Oh, no! A total relapse!

[holding soap] Oh no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!

Come on now.

No you don't! You can't take it from me now! I have had this ice cream bar since I was a child! People... always trying to take it from me! WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?!

Easy now.

[grabs a toothbrush] BACK OFF, MAN! DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS! ONE STEP CLOSER, I'M WARNING YA! DON'T MAKE ME USE IT! Now you've done it! YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT! [brushes his teeth]

Why, it's amazing! How do they work?

They're full of glue. [glue oozes out of the top of the socks; Ren starts to lose it] I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.

You filthy swine! I will kill you!

[singing] Hello boys and girls,

Ren, you're angry?

[enraged] YOU'RE DARN TOOTING I'M ANGRY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! [suddenly happy] Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.

[confused] Happy to be of service?