Stimpy quotes from The Ren & Stimpy Show

Hello? Shady Brain Farm? REN NEEDS HELP!!!

Oh, joy!!!

Look at you, man! You're a full-grown cat still watching cartoons! Why, you're three years old! Do you know what that is in human years? [Stimpy bows his head in shame. Ren looks guilty, then raises Stimpy's face up] Oh, listen to me, man. I'm your friend. [He pulls the top of Stimpy's head off, exposing Stimpy's tiny brain on a silver pedestal] Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind? [He picks up Stimpy's brain] Look what it's done to your brain!

[Squealing, he looks at Ren and puts a finger to his lips] Shh!

[chasing Stimpy] Get yer hand outta dat pic-a-nic basket, you dusty old cat! Psst, hey kid, say yer line!

Oh yeah! Jane, stop this crazy thing! Well, blow me down! I'm hunting for a rabbit! I hate meeces to pieces!

Hey kid, you did all right! [He gives Stimpy an OK hand gesture] You lousy bum. [Stimpy sits on a stool looking depressed] Well, what's the matter? [Stimpy whimpers] Hey kid, I don't get it. You got it made! You got forty-seven million dollars. You got my TV contract. What more could you possibly want?

I WANT REN! [cries]

My, you're looking chipper this morning! [He sets the tray down on Ren's lap] Look, I brought you your breakfast in bed!

[touched] I don't deserve you. [He picks up the coffee cup] Mmm, my coffee.

[taking the cup] Ah ah ah! [He takes the thermometer out of Ren's mouth and uses it to stir the coffee before handing the cup back to him] I brought you your paper too! I know how you like to read your paper at breakfast. [He holds up the newspaper and gives it to Ren]

God bless you, Stimpy. I'm sorry I'm all the time mean to you. [takes a sip of his coffee. Upon seeing what's on the newspaper, he screams in horror] "Ren Höek takes bubbly sponge bath"? [faints]

Oh, no! A total relapse!

[holding soap] Oh no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!

Come on now.

No you don't! You can't take it from me now! I have had this ice cream bar since I was a child! People... always trying to take it from me! WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?!

Easy now.

[grabs a toothbrush] BACK OFF, MAN! DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS! ONE STEP CLOSER, I'M WARNING YA! DON'T MAKE ME USE IT! Now you've done it! YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT! [brushes his teeth]

Why, it's amazing! How do they work?

They're full of glue. [glue oozes out of the top of the socks; Ren starts to lose it] I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.

You filthy swine! I will kill you!

[singing] Hello boys and girls,

Ren, you're angry?

[enraged] YOU'RE DARN TOOTING I'M ANGRY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! [suddenly happy] Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.

[confused] Happy to be of service?

You know Stimpy, with your invention and my savvy, we'll corner the rubber nipple market. We'll be millionaires! We'll rule the world!

Tsk Ren. I am not in this for financial gain. I have a dream. I believe one day that everyone everywhere... [cries as touching music plays] will know the wonders of my nipples!

[slams an iron onto Stimpy's face] Fine! You keep your dream and I'll keep the money! [pulls the iron out] Now shut up and drive!

What's the big sleep, Ren?

He's... [suddenly shouting] DEAD! DEAD, YOU IDIOT! YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD IS?! JUST LIKE WE'LL BE IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE!

Hey Ren, he reminds me of your uncle Eddie.

Why's that?

'Cause he's big and stinky!

[slaps him] Hey! You shouldn't say mean things like that. Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings? Now let's steal that horse!

Alright boys, this is it. A real dog's gotta learn how to protect its master. Now in order to protect, you must learn how to ATTACK! Come on, boys! ATTACK! Let's go, Rex! ATTACK ME!

But you are my kind and beloved master! [sobs] I CA-A-A-A-AN'T!

BUT I CAN! [Sarcastically] DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!

NO!

[slow motion] Whoa.

[Sarcastically] IT'S THE DISCIPLINE THAT BEGETS LOVE! [Ren slaps his oar at George Liquor twice]

NO! [tear his ears off and grabs onto the oar, trying to prevent Ren from delivering another swing] YOU MUSTN'T, he's our master!

Eh, SHUT UP! You're next, Mr. Doggie Treat! HI-YA! [Ren then sadistically beats George with the oar while he is on the ground]

I'm looking for you now. I'm finding you.

I'm hiding in the closet like an idiot.

[returns home from work on a rainy day. He is shocked when he see's the house is a mess. He angrily growls] I knew it! Cat dirt everywhere! [starts to get more angry, but suddenly calms down] Well, at least I'm home. I can continue my intellectual pursuits! [He walks away, but then stops and is appalled at the sight of his opera records stuck to the wall] My opera records COVERED IN BUBBLE GUM!!! AAAAAAH!!! [sniffles a little, then turns around and notices several germs exiting open jars and squirming down the drain] MY COLLECTION OF RARE, INCURABLE DISEASES VIOLATED!!! NOOOOO!!! [Sees his dinosaur droppings colored like Easter eggs] My dinosaur droppings painted like EASTER EGGS! [Stimpy and Svën cease playing when they hear Ren's outburst] AAAAAH!!! You IDIOTS! [Ren angrily stomps toward Stimpy and Svën, who back away several times until they hit a wall] YOU... BOTH OF YOU! [He starts shaking angrily, but then transitions to a kind of sadistic calmness] Oh, what I'm gonna do to you. [He starts shaking his fists, thinking of ways to hurt Stimpy and Svën, who are cowering together; slowly] I'm so angry! First, I'm gonna tear your lips out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. And then, I'm gonna gouge your eyes out! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

We don't like this, Ren!

Ja, you're scaring us!

Good. You're scared, huh? Next, I'm gonna TEAR your arms out of the sockets! [mimes ripping their arms out and the dislocated arm dangling. Stimpy and Svën whimper while rubbing their arms] And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall... and I'm gonna look down... and I'm gonna laugh. [Stimpy and Sven both cry] But first... [Stimpy and Svën gasp] FIRST... [suddenly calm] I gotta take a whiz! Don't you go anywhere. [Points to the ground they're standing on] You stay right here... Right on this spot... I'll be back! [Ren stomps away, and over the Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence game before turning around and noticing it] What's this stupid thing?!

[cheerfully] It's a game, Ren!

Ja, it's really fun!

[takes a look at the game, then turns to Stimpy and Svën, then smiles evilly, coming up with an idea] Oh, you like this game?

Oh yeah, Ren!

We love it!

Oh, you like the game, huh? Do you really like it?

It's our favorite game in the whole world!

Oh, you like the game, huh? Then how do you like this?! [produces a fly on his crotch and unzips it. Stimpy and Svën only look in horror as Ren whizzes all over the game. Ren looks at Stimpy and Svën giggling maniacally. Then the whole house explodes, sending the trio to Hell. The Devil appears]

So, you whizzed on the electric fence, did ya?

Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!