The Ren & Stimpy Show Season 4 quotes

I, Ren Höek, learned nature can be cruel. But I can be crueler! [laughs maniacally] Kill the tree! Kill the tree! Kill, kill! [laughs maniacally again] I love being a lumberjack.

Hey! Where the heck's my-?! [sees that Stimpy has been kissing his chicken] My chicken! [growls] MY CHICKEN AND MY BEST FRIEND! Skulkers in the DARK! Did you think I wouldn't notice!? The stuffing on your collar at night?! The drippings on the carpet?! The gravy on the couch?! I want my chicken dinner, AND I WANT IT NOW!

[comes to Ren] Ren, what are you eating?

[gulps] I was eating some delicious chicken sausages. [uses a toothpick]

[opens the door] Stimpy? I'm sorry I ate your chicken, it wasn't that good, I wasn't so glad to ask. [smiles]

Hammering my eggs just doesn’t thrill me like it used to. [bird squawk] I put off the eggs off the crumb-heads to their Asia, and yet I’m not thrilled… [cries] Oh, father. Why not I will blast within air… That’s when you came in my pet project! [pulls off the fabric] Oh my beautiful account of yolk, [hugs a bunch of scrambled eggs] I will mole you and make me do my old dreamy image! [The eggs fall and the scene fades to black. Ren makes a son out of eggs] Come, my child. I will help you… so that you’ll have sight and snitch to see, I give you a splendid press eyes. So to keep your head warm so it’s not to catch a chill, I give you a lock of my- [pulls off his hair] Chum! And so you’ll have wisdom and witch to think: Lock off my- brain! [scoops out his brain] But you are incomplete... Wait! of course I forgot: My assistant Stimpy will complete the final edition. Stimpleton! [Stimpy runs all the way to the Egg Smithee, while carrying a man, back at the Egg Smithee as Ren looks at Stimpy] Finally, do you have that man?

Yes, friend... [lifts up the fabric and yanks out the man's clothes] Ah, here are those cleaning tips that you wanted, Renwaldo!

[wakes up] Uh-oh. [sniffs] That smells like- Bacon! [runs to the fridge] Egg Yölkeo! Oh... No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...

[after waking up in the hospital after their second accident] What about Ren?

Here, you idiot! [Ren is stitched together on Stimpy's behind] My face is killing me!

The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.

My favorite! Barbecued Boston baked beans! [Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, and a farting noise is heard]

What are you doing in bed, Höek? We've got to tee off in ten minutes!

I'm sorry, fellas. I haven't had too much sleep lately. [laughs]

Ya lousy bum! Who's gonna drive?

Let's get outta here.

Wait. [pulls money out] I'll give five whole bucks to anyone who could just knock me out.

[excited] FIVE BUCKS?!

FIVE BUCKS?! [pulls out golf clubs]

[laughs, then Insanely] Nighty-night!

Fore!

Gotta work on that slice.

[at front of the screen quietly] Shhh, Ren's taking a coma. [sticks out tongue and walks away tip-toeing]

Hey, Muddy, what are you going to do with that mallet? Muddy, I'm your friend!

AH-HA! [hits Stimpy with the mallet, hard, resulting in a cranial eruption, with Stimpy groaning in pain] Give the bum a big hand! [audience laughs]

[tossing and turning] What are you?

You're a bum!

But Muddy, I love you!

A lousy, stinking BUM! [Stimpy tossing and turning again. He turns into a TV set] You're a BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM!

[falls helplessly into Muddy's mouth, followed by Muddy chomping his mouth shut. He wakes up from his nightmare] MUDDY! [runs up a winding staircase to the attic, which has a barred window] Lord, help me. [begins to cry] I WANT MY TV! [Ren doesn't hear him and he's fallen asleep]

Excuse me. I have to go end it all.

Hello? Shady Brain Farm? REN NEEDS HELP!!!

[laughs] That's very funny. Creamed corn... AND MORE CREAMED CORN... I can't eat this SLOP! There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...

Cheese?

Look at you! You're freaks! You guys aren't crazy! You're just stupid! I got it all figured out! You're all prawns on the chess board!

Gee!

[to Fire Chief] And you! You're not mad! You're just suffering from a post-dramatic schizoholic brain blister!

Wow!

[to Muddy Mudskipper] And you! Just a mere victim of an undissolved childhood hemorrhoidic offense mechanism!

Say!

Gentlemen, start your embolisms!

[trembles with fear during the taping of an episode] Who left this wildebeest carcass on my good sofa...? [gulps] This really makes me mad... Baboon...? [Baboon runs up to him] You've really made me angry this time... [Baboon growls] I'm gonna have to hit ya... You... stupid... [covers his eyes and smacks Baboon's nose. Baboon roars and starts mauling him]

Is that my beef carcass?

Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, once we immerse it in common house o-bile!

WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!

[stammers] But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17!

NO! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!

I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!

[horrified] No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!

[evilly] Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT! [gets struck by lightning] Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to-

GET IN THE HOUSE!

[scared] Yes, sir! [runs back into the house]

Hey! You're trying to cheat!

Yeah? Your whole life's a cheat!

He's the cheat!

Did somebody say cheese?! [belches]

STOP! [flips the table] Who are you? You're not my friends. You're just here to trick me, so you can steal all my stuff. Well, I'm onto ya. [grabs the mummy] Stand back! One false move, and the mummy gets it! I know all about your plot. Yeah, yeah. You're all in it together. Each and every one of you... Sleepin' in my gravel bed! Eatin' all my SAND...! Well, here's somethin' you can REALLY have! HI-YAH! [starts smashing the mummy apart]