Kirsten Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Sandy

You know, we've been trying to get him [Caleb] to come to Thanksgiving for years.

Kirsten

[bitterly] The only reason why he is here is because his food didn't show up and the game is on.

Sandy

And you're going to yogalates.

Kirsten

You just like saying that.

Sandy

Yogalates? Yeah, I kinda do. Yogalates?

Ryan

Yogalates.

Julie

[about Caleb] Can I ask you a question? Do you like that he calls you Kiki?

Kirsten

Hate it.

Julie

'Cause he kept calling me "Juju", like that candy that gets stuck in your teeth.

You guys are, like... married.

Kirsten

Yeah, that was the idea. When we had our wedding.

No, I mean... deeply, deeply married.

Kirsten

[offering Hailey a muffin] Pumpkin muffin?

Sandy

Yes, darling?

Kirsten

She looks good. Her spirits are high.

Caleb

She's high?

Kirsten

No, her spirit. Her mood. She's up.

Caleb

So, she's on uppers?

Sandy

I can't go to the Valentines Singles Dance Gala Dance Singles thingy....

Kirsten

No. I forbid it.

Sandy

You what?

Kirsten

With whatever wifely authority I have vested in me on this most holy and romantic of days, no.

Sandy

It's only a holiday. It's not even a real holiday.

Kirsten

Not this again. Not on an empty stomach.

Sandy

How about Arbor Day? Trees? That's a good cause. Or Secretary's Day? Or how about our anniversary?

Kirsten

Which we might not make it to.

Kirsten

You're going. Sandy, this is important to me.

Sandy

You know, there are a lot of things that are important to me that you don't do.

Kirsten

Like what?

Sandy

Like golfing. Lots of couples golf together.

Kirsten

Shortly before dying of old age.

Sandy

Surfing. How many times have I tried to get you in the ocean?

Kirsten

With the fish? Uh!

Sandy

And still I'm patient. I'm forgiving.

Kirsten

You're joking?

Sandy

I patiently put up with your father.

Kirsten

You're eligible for sainthood any day now.

Seth

Just need to talk to you. Girl stuff.

Sandy

Well, you've come to the master. [Kirsten snickers] Hey, I got you.

Kirsten

I was young, impressionable and drunk.

Seth

Only child... Right here.

Sandy

What are we fighting about?

Kirsten

I am not sure but it's serious!

Kirsten

He's a consultant.

Sandy

Could you be please be a little more vague?

Kirsten

He knows people.

Sandy

You did it. That was a little more vague.

Sandy

You did musicals? I did a musical or two myself in college.

Kirsten

Oh, someone please stop him before he starts singing "Greased Lightning."

Seth

Do it, Dad! Travolta's your bitch!

Kirsten

I am never throwing another party again.

Sandy

Oh, honey, don't tease.

Julie

I don't want Chippendales. I want strippers, full-on, full-frontal male strippers. Preferably at a place that serves bottomless margaritas.

Kirsten

Or, I could invite the girls over and I could throw you a lovely catered bachelorette cocktail party.

Julie

With strippers.

Julie

[pleads] Just one little stripper... who never hurt anyone... Who's just trying to make his way in the world... naked.

Kirsten

One little stripper.

Julie

Yes! You're the best! [Kirsten walks away] But no Chippendales. And not little!

Kirsten

Is everything okay?

Ryan

Yeah, it's fine.

Theresa

I'm pregnant.

Seth

Well, except for that.