Sandy Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Seth

Just need to talk to you. Girl stuff.

Sandy

Well, you've come to the master. [Kirsten snickers] Hey, I got you.

Kirsten

I was young, impressionable and drunk.

Seth

Only child... Right here.

Sandy

What are we fighting about?

Kirsten

I am not sure but it's serious!

Kirsten

He's a consultant.

Sandy

Could you be please be a little more vague?

Kirsten

He knows people.

Sandy

You did it. That was a little more vague.

Sandy

You did musicals? I did a musical or two myself in college.

Kirsten

Oh, someone please stop him before he starts singing "Greased Lightning."

Seth

Do it, Dad! Travolta's your bitch!

Sandy

Do you want to know what I think?

Ryan

You're going to tell me either way, right?

Sandy

Like my own son.

Caleb

Look, I know when I'm not wanted.

Sandy

And yet you're always at our house!

Sandy

Oh, c'mon, Ma. It's Ryan's first Seder.

Seth

How do you know that? Don't assume that. They have Jews in Chino. Why do you think they want a P.F. Chang's?

Caleb

You know what they say, one man's misfortune is another man's fortune.

Jimmy

Who says that?

Caleb

[smiling] I do.

Jimmy

I've never seen him smile before.

Sandy

I didn't know he had teeth.

Kirsten

I am never throwing another party again.

Sandy

Oh, honey, don't tease.

Sandy

Are you going somewhere?

Caleb

Like, say, San Quentin?

Sandy

Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space.

Kirsten

The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space?

Sandy

I gotta be at the OC airport in half an hour. I'm heading up to Portland.

Caleb

To see Seth.

Sandy

Yeah.

Caleb

I don't get it. His best friend leaves, so he runs off with another boy and his gay dad. You gotta admit, sounds kinda strange.

Sandy

And this coming from a guy who is one click away from wearing a wig and a fake moustache.

Kirsten

You quit?

Sandy

Or got fired. Quit/got fired.

Sandy

She's agreed to supervised visitation. 20 minutes, max.

Caleb

She's my daughter. I don't need to be supervised.

Sandy

No, I'm supervising her. I'm afraid she might kill you.

Seth

It's a story as old as time, really. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out that girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.

Sandy

I'm guessing it's too soon to joke, Seth. Even for a Cohen.