It's a story as old as time, really. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out that girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.
I'm guessing it's too soon to joke, Seth. Even for a Cohen.
“The Family Ties” · Season 2, Episode 7
In this episode: Seth Cohen (9), Ryan Atwood (4), Sandy Cohen (4), Summer Roberts (2), Kirsten Cohen (2), Marissa Cooper (1)
Holy '80s teen comedy plot!
I'm so screwed. Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. I get mad, I turn into, like, a 75-year-old yenta... named Sylvia.
Your breath smells like Marissa. You are so drunk!
Talked to Alex?
She won't answer my calls.
Hm. Might have something to do with all the vomit.
All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Well, you wanted to be a bad boy. You did bad.
I brought bagels.
Well, that's the secret password into the Cohen house.
She's [Lindsay] so young, she's more like your sister.
A sister! I always wanted one of those. Ryan? How about you?
[Sandy and the boys are preparing sandwiches for dinner]
Nice. She kept saying the word "nice". You know what that means, don't you?
Aww, she think's you're nice.
Yeah, exactly. Nice. As in lacking any edge and/or danger.
Yeah, well, you do have to fix your sandwich.
[sigh] No. It's like the more edgy and danger she became, the more I became a good Jewish grandmother.
Not your grandmother. [looks at the untouched corn] Keep shucking, Seth! I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
Hey! Maybe, I don't feel like shucking these! Ok, maybe you should go and shuck 'em yourself, old man!!
[Sandy and Ryan both stare at Seth before breaking into laughter]
[snickers] That's good.
[chuckles, sarcastically] You had me shaking in my boots.
[in disappointment] I'm so screwed. Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. I get mad, I turn into, like, a 75-year-old yenta... named Sylvia.
You do realize we're both screwed.
Dude. I'm wearing a wife-beater.
[Ryan has driven a very drunk Seth home]
Ohhhh I know this here. This is the Cohen residence.
[whispers] Ok ok now we have to be really stealthy.
Hey, I was all camp, capture the flag, Camp Tuckahoe. I invented the stealth.
All right. You did.
I sure did.
[whispers] But you're yelling, you need to be quiet.
[...]
[Seth falls into the bushes after getting out of the car. Sandy comes out of the house to check out the noise.]
What's going on? You guys ok? [sees Ryan] Seth?
Shhhhhh....we're being stealth. [attempts to "leap" over the hood of Ryan's car]
[notices a hungover Seth walking into the kitchen] Oh! Well, if it isn't my son the wino.
You guys found out?
You weren't exactly stealth. [Seth mutters to himself] Your dad's been waiting for you to leave the room so he can send you back to it.
Hooking up with your tutor, Zach? Not even that cool in the 80's. I mean, she could've at least been a hooker and helped you get into Princeton.
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