Seth Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Seth

I have a mop, Ryan!

Ryan

You got a mop, Bro!

Alex

That's sweet. It's pathetic but sweet.

Seth

Yeah, that's my niche. Pathetic and sweet.

Seth

My friend Ryan, he's really cool, okay? He's very anti-establishment. He enjoys sunset walks on the beach, punching people, and not smiling.

Alex

And that's how you see me?

Seth

Yeah. Only with less smiling.

Alex

You're out of your mind.

Seth

Maybe I am, Alex. Maybe I'm like, so far out of my mind that I'm in yours.

Summer

You've gotta go, like, Ice-Man on her ass, see how she likes it.

Seth

Wow, was that your first X-Men reference?

Summer

Top Gun.

Seth

Top Gun. Hey, that's one of the greatest love stories of our time.

Zach

I get it. You guys are just one of those couples. Even when you're not being a couple, you'll always be a couple. You're Joanie and Chachi, Luke and Leia.

Seth

Luke and Leia were brother and sister.

Zach

Yeah, well, may the Force be with you.

Seth

Congratulations. You're a Cohen. Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.

It's a little soon to joke.

Seth

Not for us Cohens. It's what we do. Laugh through our tears. Make jokes inappropriately soon after a traumatic event. Sometimes we'll just make the joke during the traumatic event.

Seth

It's a story as old as time, really. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out that girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.

Sandy

I'm guessing it's too soon to joke, Seth. Even for a Cohen.

Ryan

Talked to Alex?

Seth

She won't answer my calls.

Ryan

Hm. Might have something to do with all the vomit.

Seth

All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?

Ryan

Well, you wanted to be a bad boy. You did bad.

Kirsten

She's [Lindsay] so young, she's more like your sister.

Seth

A sister! I always wanted one of those. Ryan? How about you?

Seth

Nice. She kept saying the word "nice". You know what that means, don't you?

Sandy

Aww, she think's you're nice.

Seth

Yeah, exactly. Nice. As in lacking any edge and/or danger.

Ryan

Yeah, well, you do have to fix your sandwich.

Seth

[sigh] No. It's like the more edgy and danger she became, the more I became a good Jewish grandmother.

Sandy

Not your grandmother. [looks at the untouched corn] Keep shucking, Seth! I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.

Seth

Hey! Maybe, I don't feel like shucking these! Ok, maybe you should go and shuck 'em yourself, old man!!

Ryan

[snickers] That's good.

Sandy

[chuckles, sarcastically] You had me shaking in my boots.

Seth

[in disappointment] I'm so screwed. Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. I get mad, I turn into, like, a 75-year-old yenta... named Sylvia.

Ryan

You do realize we're both screwed.

Seth

Dude. I'm wearing a wife-beater.

Seth

Ohhhh I know this here. This is the Cohen residence.

Ryan

[whispers] Ok ok now we have to be really stealthy.

Seth

Hey, I was all camp, capture the flag, Camp Tuckahoe. I invented the stealth.

Ryan

All right. You did.

Seth

I sure did.

Ryan

[whispers] But you're yelling, you need to be quiet.

Sandy

What's going on? You guys ok? [sees Ryan] Seth?

Seth

Shhhhhh....we're being stealth. [attempts to "leap" over the hood of Ryan's car]

Kirsten

[notices a hungover Seth walking into the kitchen] Oh! Well, if it isn't my son the wino.

Seth

You guys found out?

Kirsten

You weren't exactly stealth. [Seth mutters to himself] Your dad's been waiting for you to leave the room so he can send you back to it.

Seth

If you're alone, cough twice.

Ryan

I'm alone.