C. C. Babcock quotes from The Nanny

Fran

[Seeing C.C. on the floor] Cheers! Must be 5 o'clock somewhere.

C. C.

I haven't been drinking, Nanny Fine. I just slid off the couch.

Fran

And Ted Kennedy's nose is just sun-damaged.

C. C.

Niles, pour me some more tea. [Niles ignores her and continues chopping vegetables] I want some more tea, Niles. [Niles continues to ignore her.] You are a butler, now buttle!

Niles

Would you like some tea, Miss Babcock?

You know damn well I want some more tea, you imbecile, now pour!!

C.C.!

Maxwell!

Don't speak to Niles like that; poor man isn't a mind-reader!

But... But, Maxwell—!

Niles

Oh, it's alright, sir. Perhaps my hearing isn't what it once was. Forgive me.

C. C.

What did I do?

Fran

Ms. Babcock, your coat. New Zealand Lamb?

So?

Fran

Maybe she had people there?!

Take. It. Off.

Niles

Three words she doesn't hear often. [Niles & Lamb Chop fist-pump together]

Niles, isn't that sweet? You're bonding with the sheep. Not the first one, I'm sure.

Niles

Bravo. You win. Every dog has her day.

C. C.

[Sees Maxwell and Fran in bed] AHHHHHHH!!!!

[jolted awake] C.C.? What the devil are you doing in here?

What am I doing in here?? Wh-what is...SHE doing in here?!

[Sees he's in bed with a woman] Oh...[Looks to see who it is] Ahh! Ms. Fine!

Fran

[Stirs awake, looks at Maxwell sleepily] Oh, I'm having that dream again...[Reaches out and touches Maxwell's cheek, realizes it's actually him] AHH! MR. SHEFFIELD! [Gathers the bedsheets around herself while scrambling out of the bed] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN–[Looks around] your room?

Niles

[To a wide-eyed, shocked C.C.] Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you.

WOULD YOU ALL KINDLY GET OUT OF MY ROOM?!

Niles

[Follows a still shocked C.C. out] Happy Birthday, Ms. Babcock...

C. C.

Niles. My eggs are all dried up.

Niles

The gene pool is safe.

C. C.

(pushing Brighton past Mr. Sheffield's office) Ask yourself punk, do you feel lucky?

What's all that about?

Niles

Oh, the expert is teaching Brighton how to repel a man.

Where is this brother of yours, C.C.?

Fran

Brother? There's a brother coming? Is he short, ugly and married?

C. C.

No, why?

Fran

Then I gotta change.

I just can't understand why we're not as productive as we were last year. Profits are down, ticket sales are down...

Niles

[Looking at C.C.] But some figures are increasing.

C. C.

Listen, Hazel (laughs) Don't you have anything to dust off?

Niles

How about the left side of your bed?

C. C.

[to Niles] Listen, Flavio...I wanna be alone with Maxwell tonight. What's it gonna cost me to make you disappear?

Niles

Try fifty bucks.

Done!

Niles

[After C.C. gives him $50 dollars] ...No, didn't work, I'm still here.

C. C.

Nanny Fine, don't be hurt just because I'm closer to little Gretel than you are.

Fran

Gretel never said that!

Aren't we defensive? There's nothing wrong with being just a pretty face. In fact, it's a plus if you have no skills.

Fran

I've got skills!

Nanny Fine, identifying what's in the Godivas without a guide is not a skill. C'mon! You must know the only reason you got this job is because of your looks.

Fran

Hey! Hey! That is not true! I got this job because I lied on my resume.

C. C.

[to Maxwell] I have a friend at CBS who wants to buy our show and turn it into a TV series.

Niles

Whoa, back up. You have a friend?

C. C.

What's [Mr. Sheffield] doing in London?

Niles

One would hope Ms. Fine.

C. C.

I just don't understand why Maxwell would ask Nanny Fine on a date! I should be going to Elton John's dinner, not her. I am the one with sophistication! I am the one with savvy! Why would he pick her over me?

Niles

HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!

[In tears] Why?!!... What am I doing wrong?

Niles

Well, for one thing, you've known him for 25 years or half your life and you don't even know the names of his children.

C. C.

Don't you see, Bobbi Flekman is an amalgamation of the two of us. She is everything he is searching for in a woman. (Points to herself) Beauty, brains, and (Points to Fran) a slut.

Fran

Hey! You know, you may be onto something.

Fran

Ms. Babcock, I have something to tell you that is going to be very hard for you to take.

C. C.

[To Mr. Sheffield] YOU ASKED HER TO MARRY YOU, YOU SCUM?!! TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE I HAVE—

C.C.!! C.C.!! Ms. Fine lost Chester in Central Park.

Phew! You scared the hell out of me.