Mr. Sheffield quotes from The Nanny

Fran

Are you implying that I cannot keep this thing a secret?

C'mon, Ms. Fine, the only secret safe with you is your age. Barry Scheck and a whole barrel of sodium penthatol couldn't drag that out!

Do you remember our conversation about trust?

Fine

Yea Why?

Well you realize you and I can not have a relationship If I can't trust you and It's obvious I can't

Well Wait you telling me you don't trust me? I thought we had a relationship?

Fran

Oh now wait a minute. Let me get this straight we have a relationship but only when It's convenient for you?

[About Fran] Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore! What am I supposed to do?

Niles

May I speak freely, sir?

Yes, of course, old boy.

Niles

[menacingly] I am so bloody sick of this, year after year, "Niles, what am I to do? I told her I loved her, I took it back, I'm afraid of commitment, I'm worried about the children!" [yelling, grabs Mr. Sheffield's shirt and shakes him] For God's sake, make a move! Do something! You passed on Cats, do you want to regret this for the rest of your life too?!

Ah, good afternoon, Ms. Fine.

Fran

Good afternoon, Mr. Sheffield. You know, the kids are at school, Niles is shopping. We could... do it.

[Tentatively] All right. Hi... Fran.

Fran

[Playfully] Hi, Max.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?!

Niles

[Enter C.C.] Well, there's your prototype.

Niles, can you keep a secret?

Niles

Well, I'm good until I meet another person.

This concerns Miss Fine.

Niles

[exasperated] Oh sir, you're not going to disappoint her again?

Not unless you'll think she'll be disappointed by this. [shows Niles a ring]

Niles

[tears up] Oh sir, sir it's beautiful...this is the happiest day of my life...it's funny how you picture it, but you're never really prepared for it.

Fran

You know, sweetie, last night you didn't give me that little something that I'm used to getting from you every week.

Well, Fran, since we got engaged, I didn't think I had to give It to you anymore.

Fran

Wait a minute. I know what I'm talking about. What are you talking about?

Your paycheck.

Fran

Thank God. That's what I'm talking about too.

Ah oh all right hands up anyone who doesn't belong In here

Sylvia

I bet you weren't expecting three gorgeous gals in your bed, now don't go getting any idea's

Yes well I think this has sufficiently put that fantasy to rest sylvia.

Fran wants to have a baby with me.

Niles

What, you've forgotten how to do it?

This is serious, Niles. I'm not sure I really want to go through that again. All the crying and the diapers and the waking up at 4am.

Niles

Oh, sir, It's not so bad when you consider I DID ALL THAT! You know, come to think of it, you are too old to have a baby.

I'm not that old.

Niles

You have three children already. Why can't Ms. Fine be happy with that?

Because they're not... ours. Having a baby is one of those things that bonds a couple together.

Niles

Mmm. That's why we're so close.

You know you're awfully cute when you compromise.

Fran

You're awfully cute when you tell me I'm awfully cute.

What proof do we have this woman and I are related?

Fran

Let's get to know her a little bit. Hi, honey, are you married?

I was living with a man for 5 years but I couldn't make a commitment.

Fran

There's your DNA test!

I'm going to ask Fran to sign a pre-nuptial agreement.

Niles

Why don't you just walk around downtown Iraq dressed as Uncle Sam? It'd be quicker.

I can't believe it in just 24 hours from now I'll be holding Mrs. Sheffield in my arms. are you as happy I am?

Niles

This is the happiest day of my life. Congratulations, sir.

Maxwell Sheffield

Thank you, Niles.

Fran

Hey, what about me I'm the woman who's making you the happiest man in the world.

Niles

Ms. Fine, Congratulations.

Wait what's the suitcase for? Wait a minute I know, if we elope now, the sooner we get to our wedding night.

Fran

Excuse me, you made me wait 5 years, and now all of a sudden because you're in the mood, you think that I'm gonna come to you just like that (snaps fingers)? Come to mama!

So what you're so excited you're packed for our honeymoon already

Fran

Oh sweetie I'm a Jewish woman going on a two-month cruise do you really think this is all the clothes I'm going to need?

Yes

Fran

Oh, Oh Honey. oh I wish I could stay but I gotta go to ma's

What?!

Fran

Yea you know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride 24 hours before the Ceremony

But sweetheart we have the house all to ourselves

Fran

oh i know but no no sweetie oh. (Her watch beeps) Gotta go.

What?

Fran

Yep that was a warning we only have 2 minutes left.

I can do it in 2 minutes

Fran

you can?

well darling it has been 5 years