Mr. Sheffield quotes from The Nanny

Maggie

Dad, Fran's picture is in Gloss magazine!

Well, what's so bad about that? She'll be thrilled. What, eyes closed, bad angle?

Maggie

[shows the magazine] She's a fashion "don't".

What's that to do with me?

Maggie

Read the caption.

"Who let her out of the house with that purse?" [gives a yell of horror]

Oh, I just remembered the charity: asthma.

Niles, get this piece of trash out of here!

Niles

[To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!

Have I let my judgement be impaired by my feelings for Ms. Fine?

Niles

What feelings are those, sir?

Well, you know—

Niles

No, I don't, sir.

Oh, c'mon, Niles—

Niles

But you'd feel so much better if you just said it.

Perhaps you're right! Maybe I should just admit that—

Fran

[Enters] Knock-knock!

Niles

Oh, WAIT!!

Oh, look at the time. Where did the day go?

Niles

Time flies when you're being unreasonable... sir.

Yetta, what happened?

[Motioning the crazy sign] We found her wandering around on Queen's Boulevard. She says she lives here.

Yetta

[Aside to Maxwell] Play along. It's cheaper than a cab.

Officer, thank goodness you're here. Look, our nanny is missing. She stormed out of the house this morning and we haven't seen her since.

Yetta

She got upset when he called her a gorgeous, sexy vixen he couldn't live without.

I never said that!

Yetta

Don't you wish you had?

Can you imagine Ms. Fine thinking I'm predictable! Me! Mr.—

Niles

[In unison] —Spontaneity.

Niles, you don't think I'm predictable, do you? [Niles shows his sign: "Of course not, sir"] Well, predictable is good, predictable is solid... Oh, God, even I knew I was going to say that.

Niles

If I were you, sir, I'd do something before she wakes up in the bedroom of another man... sion.

Niles, I want her to be happy here. How do you suppose I go about satisfying Ms. Fine?

Niles

[Awkward silence] Well, the second way, sir—

Niles!

Niles

Just shake it up, sir! Do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, I don't know. Give me a bonus!

Niles

I think Ms. Fine made it up that your hair is thinning because you weren't sympathetic to her problem.

That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem! Look, Niles, she's a young beautiful woman. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?!

Niles

Oh, sir, I'm sure you'll think of something. [Sprays cologne on him] After all, you're a man, she's a woman, fill in the blanks. The children are at the school, she's lying on the sofa and if all else fails, what would Pierce Brosnan do?

[to Fran] You're my nanny. You take care of my children.

Fran

But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?

Margaret, if you were Ms. Fine, what car would you like to drive?

Maggie

Uh... my husband's.

C.C., life is short. You should go back to doing what you were doing when you were young.

Niles

Sir, there's so little call nowadays for Civil War nurses.

You can't trust him. He won't make you happy.

Fran

I don't want to be happy. I want to be married.

I told mother no one should get a hold of their trust fund until they're at least 30 years old.

Brighton

30?! I'm not gonna have a date 'til I'm 30!

Fran

Honey, at least when you turn 30, you'll be rich. When I turn 30, I'll be... 40.

Who told you to call the doctor?

Niles

Ms. Fine.

Well, excuse me but when did she become master of the house?

Niles

Three years ago September.

Ms. Fine, what are you doing here?

Fran

I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured I should be a part of it.

Fran

[insinuating herself under the guise of talking about Frieda] I hope he knows he doesn't have forever because she's not gonna wait around like some schlub since she can't even spit in this town without hitting some eligible classy guy.

Good bloody luck to her catching one because men seldom date women who say the word "schlub" and rarely marry those who spit!

Fran

Why don't you give your father a chance to make up for last time? I'm sure you'll find you've got a lot in common.

No. Unlike my father, I'm not about to abandon my responsibilities for sexual gratification with some cheap floozy who works for me.

Fran

WHY?!!