Mr. Sheffield quotes from The Nanny

I want to take care of you for the rest of your life.... It would give me great pleasure if you would...

Fran

[Excited] Yeah? Yeah?!!

...let me buy you a condominium.

Fran

Huh?

For your retirement.

Fran

A condo?! That's what you want to give me for my future?!! I have never been so— Would it include carpet and plantation shutters?

Yes, of course.

Fran

Pets okay? 'Cause I probably want a cat.

Whatever you want. So... happy?

Fran

[Strangely satisfied] Yeah.

Niles

[Overhearing, shaking his head] Oy! This is gonna take forever.

C.C., tell me, did you have one of these "Sweet 16's"?

Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to outdo each other! I didn't want one.

Fran

No friends?

Niles

None.

C. C.

(pushing Brighton past Mr. Sheffield's office) Ask yourself punk, do you feel lucky?

What's all that about?

Niles

Oh, the expert is teaching Brighton how to repel a man.

Fran

You wouldn't believe I'm the fastest woman on Earth?

In that outfit, I would.

Where is Ms. Fine anyway?

Niles

She's upstairs getting all farpitzed.

What does that mean?

Niles

You know, dressed.

I thought that was farblondzshet.

Niles

No, sir, that means confused.

No, man, that's farkakteh.

Niles

Well then, what's farshimlt?

I think that's her uncle.

It's President Clinton's Renaissance Weekend. I was hoping I'd be invited.

Fran

Oh, a Renaissance Weekend. Boy, Clinton goes to those things? 'Cause I'm thinking tights and a pointy hat is not his best look.

Where is this brother of yours, C.C.?

Fran

Brother? There's a brother coming? Is he short, ugly and married?

C. C.

No, why?

Fran

Then I gotta change.

Fran

Ma, Jules is gonna be here in two minutes. Would you stop futzing with my skirt? Can you believe her? Stop it!

Ms. Fine, she's your mother. She's just pulling it down.

Fran

She's my mother. She's hiking it up.

Just spare me the details.

Niles

Alright, but it's about Danny and Heather Biblow.

Maxwell

Alright, come on, dish!

Niles

Well, you didn't hear it from me, but Heather wants Val out of the bridal shop so Danny fired her.

Maxwell

He didn't!

Niles

He did.

Fran

Oh my god.

What? Another rat?

Fran

Worse. There's an echo in here. I just heard my own voice.

Maxwell, I can not tell you how exited I am about our little weekend...[sprays perfume on her] getaway...[sprays more perfume] to Boston. [sprays more perfume]

Its a business trip C.C

Of course I know that. Work work work. In fact, I'm on my way to get a wax-I mean fax.

Niles

Don't worry sir you'll be near Salem, they know how to take care of her kind there.

Niles you don't think C.C wants to go to Boston to um...you know.

Niles

Shout the British are coming?

Hang up man I'm not going through with it

Niles

Oh you stupid fool

What a rotten thing to do dragging Miss Fine in the middle of all this, Poor thing has a crush on me as it is.

Niles

Oh she does, does she?

Oh come on man, wouldn't you?

Niles

Yes well you've always been the sunshine of my life.

Oh I don't know Niles, Maybe I'm making too much of all this, I mean surely she must realize I just blurted it out in the heat of the moment, Yea she couldn't have possibly have taken me seriously.

I just can't understand why we're not as productive as we were last year. Profits are down, ticket sales are down...

Niles

[Looking at C.C.] But some figures are increasing.

C. C.

Listen, Hazel (laughs) Don't you have anything to dust off?

Niles

How about the left side of your bed?

Fran

Oh, Niles, it's so hard planning a vacation when you're single.

Niles

Yes, it's so much nicer when you have a family so you can lug their ski equipment around Vale, sit around the fire listening to "Niles, get me a brandy!" "Niles, get me a comforter!" "Niles, go out in that blizzard for a PIZZA!"

Niles!

Niles

WHAT... is that on your shoe, sir? Let me get that for you.

Every time I ask you to do something, you always manage to screw it all up.

Fran

And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, mister.

Why do I ever listen to you?

Fran

Well, my voice is kinda hard to tune out.