Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

It's your hips, Ms. Fine.

Fran

Well, I've never had any complaints before.

It's the way they move from side to side.

Fran

Well, I've never had any complaints before.

Fran

Niles, are you okay?

Niles

I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit queer.

Fran

Don't ask, don't tell. But for God's sake, come out of the closet.

Niles

Ill, Ms. Fine. I'm beginning to feel a bit ill.

Fran

Oh, you British. You look like us, you act like us, but bottomline: you're foreigners.

Fran

I don't know about these straps, Ma. You look like a ham.

Sylvia

The salesgirl said I look like a dream.

Fran

Maybe Oscar Mayer's.

Sylvia

She should choke on her commission!

Fran

Look, I can understand you feeling threatened by me.....yes, even in THIS dress! But there is no reason that we can't get along under the same roof. Oh, wait, you don't live with us!

Your point?!

Fran

Look, you're a lovely woman, and I wish you well. But if you ever hurt one of my kids again, they'll be wiping your blue blood off the walls! And I mean that in the nicest possible way!

Fran

Look, Ma, she's standing on his shoes. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Sylvia

Adorable. Go cut in!

Fran

What we need here is compromise.

Meaning I do what you want and compromise my integrity.

Fran

That's democracy in action.

Fran

Question: When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment? At all?

C. C.

I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Fran

I remember when Goldie died, may she rest in peace.

Your grandmother?

Fran

My goldfish.

Goldie the goldfish. Clever. You should write.

Fran

I loved her so. And then there she was one day belly-up in her bowl, her little body just covered in ick. We gave her a 21 flush salute.

Lovely tribute.

Fran

No. She just wouldn't go down.

Fran

Look, Gracie! Santa took a bite out of the cookies we left him.

Grace

I didn't know Santa wore red lipstick.

Fran

The man gets out of the house once a year. Live and let live.

C. C.

Synthetic fur. How P.C. of you.

Fran

P.C.?

As in politically correct.

Fran

Oh, well, it's actually J.C. as in Penney. Your outfit's nice too.

Of course dear, it's an Adolfo.

Niles

As in Hitler?

Fran

Oh Mr. Sheffield, I hope I didn't screw up your play.

Well frankly after how Brock treated you this evening I'm not sure I'd care to work with him anyway.

Fran

Oh, that's too bad too, cause now he could really hit those high notes. [claps her hand together] [Mr Sheffield looking shocked]

Brighton

Does that mean she kicked him in the–?

Goodnight Brighton.

Ms. Fine, is it? Which agency exactly was it that arranged for your position here?

Fran

Oh, I didn't come through an agency. Mr. Sheffield hired me right off the street.

It's not like it sounds. I tried her out for the weekend first.

Ms. Fine, what I am trying to say is if you are intent on having a fling then there are certain rules regarding proper places for a fling to be flung.

Fran

Mm-hmm. So I take it the previous nannies never, er... flang?

No, they were not flingers.

Fran

Oh, a professional man! Doctor?

No.

Fran

Lawyer?

No.

Fran

Indian chief?

I'll give you a hint. [Dons a red rubber nose]

Fran

You're studying to be Karl Malden?

It is just a P.T.A. Meeting.

Fran

Meanwhile, some of those Ps and Ts could be lonely hes.

Niles

You've certainly got the A for it.