Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

C. C.

Don't you see, Bobbi Flekman is an amalgamation of the two of us. She is everything he is searching for in a woman. (Points to herself) Beauty, brains, and (Points to Fran) a slut.

Fran

Hey! You know, you may be onto something.

Fran

Ms. Babcock, I have something to tell you that is going to be very hard for you to take.

C. C.

[To Mr. Sheffield] YOU ASKED HER TO MARRY YOU, YOU SCUM?!! TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE I HAVE—

C.C.!! C.C.!! Ms. Fine lost Chester in Central Park.

Phew! You scared the hell out of me.

[On the phone, as an ice-cream truck drives by] Arianna, shut that damn window! I'm trying to demand a ransom here! Please! I can't take that horrible sound!

Fran

[Overhearing] I'm sorry, sir, but this happens to be my natural voice!

Niles

I've come back! Hide me please!

Fran

What happened?

Niles

I can handle the jacuzzis and giving the oil massages. I can even suck on a big toe the size of a Louisville Slugger but I do NOT... do windows.

NILESY!!

Niles

Oh, God, Sasquatch!

[To Mr. Sheffield] Can I have your last name, sir?

Fran

Good luck. I've been waiting five years for it.

You have a beautiful face. Ever thought about acting?

Fran

Are you deaf?

Maggie

How lucky is your grandmother getting married at her age. Do you know the odds of a woman over 35 finding a husband?

Sylvia

1 in 1245.6

Fran

Uh-huh. How much do you weigh, Ma?

Sylvia

Who can remember numbers?

Fran

Dr. Miller, I had the weirdest dream last night. Grandma Yetta was running down a football field carrying a bridal bouquet and Count Basie was waiting for her at the end zone when Miss Piggy comes walking by carrying a very lean corn beef sandwich and says: "You are not getting any younger."

Clearly the dream indicates that you are bitter and upset over the fact that your 85-year-old grandmother is getting married for the second time when you haven't been married once.

Fran

Really?! Now you see I just thought I had a thing for jazz and the Muppets. Duh!... I'm gonna stop obsessing on wanting to be married and follow my dream. From here on end, I'm gonna be a more interesting mature independent woman. Maybe then he'll propose.

Niles

I'll bring you back Cuban cigars.

Fran

I'll send my mother to Cuba.

Niles

I'll make you Baked Alaska.

Fran

I'll send my mother to Alaska.

In all fairness, Niles did ask me first.

Fran

He's wearing your suit!

Niles

She's wearing Ms. Gracie's skirt.

Fran

And that's how I just won.

Niles

I don't know what I was doing in that unholy alliance with Babcock.

Fran

I know. It's like Yogi dumping Boo Boo for the Ranger.

Sylvia

Since I started my diet, I went down an entire cup size.

Fran

What cup size did you go down to, Ma? Stanley?

Fran

You know I just can't wait to get out of this dress

Then I'll go get us a room

Fran

( not paying attention) Okay [realizes as he lets go of her and walks away]

Fran

Are you implying that I cannot keep this thing a secret?

C'mon, Ms. Fine, the only secret safe with you is your age. Barry Scheck and a whole barrel of sodium penthatol couldn't drag that out!

Do you remember our conversation about trust?

Fine

Yea Why?

Well you realize you and I can not have a relationship If I can't trust you and It's obvious I can't

Well Wait you telling me you don't trust me? I thought we had a relationship?

Fran

Oh now wait a minute. Let me get this straight we have a relationship but only when It's convenient for you?