You have to treat the chickens pretty well, because they've got a very tough union.
S2 E7Edgar Bergen
S2 E8Steve Martin
Listen, it's very healthy to see what other people in the field are doing. And it is an enriching experience.
Yeah.
Hey, Scooter, what's next?
Oh, it's a guy named Lenny the Lizard. And he's an emcee.
What the hey?
[depressing] Thank you. And welcome to a very moment here on The Muppet Show. I am sorry but I got some bad news to tell you.
Maybe we came at last.
Maybe the show has been cancelled.
Tonight's show has been cancelled.
[Both Statler and Waldorf were shocked]
Have I died and gone to Heaven?
Well, you see, I just misread my calendar. The show has been cancelled tonight, because we are opening auditions for new acts. You are welcome to see it, but I don't think there will any excitements.
[to Kermit, off-screen] Should we stay or Should we go?
[to Statler and Waldorf] Why don't you two take the night off? [to the entire audience] Well, we might as well bring up the house lights and say good night to everybody.
[The audiences leaves in disappointment]
S2 E9Madeline Kahn
Well, she's nothing like you at all. She is beautiful, and she's got this cute little nose... [sniffs] and she's intelligent... [sniffs] and talented...
S2 E10George Burns
I'm sorry, but we don't allow any reporters backstage during the show.
FFleet
What a headline! Muppets' Bad Press: Reporter Thrown Out By A Frog!
Now, wait! On the other hand, can I offer you a cup of coffee?
FFleet
What a headline! Frog Bribes Reporter: Muppets Desperate For Publicity!
S2 E11Dom DeLuise
I mean, you know, if you can afford to pay off the audience, and buy all those flowers, and the fur, and the mail, and all that stuff...
S2 E12Bernadette Peters
[after Miss Mousey's number] Boo! Hiss! Terrible! I hated it!
Really? I kind of liked it.
Well, the pig doesn't have you in a hammerlock! Boo!
S2 E13Rudolf Nureyev
TDr. Teeth
Hey, hey, what's this bummer called again?
Minuet in G Major.
TDr. Teeth
Uh, we'll send it back in to the minors.
S2 E14Elton John
At least we could have brought a TV set. I'm missing all of my favorite bowling shows.
You and your bowling shows! He cries at the sad parts.
We're look like members of the rock age!
We're look more like members of the Stone Age! (Both laughed)
So, what did you think?
(Chef and chicken chase continues)
I hate running gags!
At least we could have brought a TV set. I'm missing all of my favorite bowling shows.
You and your bowling shows! He cries at the sad parts.
[Alarm went off on the control deck]
What does that red light mean?
JSDr. Julius Strangepork
Well, The red light means stop, The green light means go, and the yellow light means....
No! No! No! Not traffic light, That light on the control panel.
JSDr. Julius Strangepork
Oh, That light. Well, That means we are invaded by alien beings.
S2 E15Lou Rawls
Oh, no, you couldn't take Animal on any long road trips, Lou.
LLou
Why not, man? The cat is good.
No, you couldn't get a long enough chain!
[Fozzie has fallen off the stage]
He was doing okay until he fell off the stage.
Wrong. He was doing okay until he came on the stage.
S2 E16Cleo Laine
First Mate Miss Piggy.
Er, yes, sir!
LLink
Did you shave this morning?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppet Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.