If you are like me, and you certainly must be, you are appalled and shocked at the weird, unnatural things going on tonight.
S1 E19Vincent Price
This go-fer's about to become a gone-fer.
S1 E20Valerie Harper
That was great! And, you are just wonderful, Valerie! I tell you, you are going out on that stage a star, but you are gonna be coming back a chorus girl, right?
S1 E21Twiggy
I – I was just in my star's dressing room, and I saw the most ghoulish, fiendish-looking face in the closet!
HHilda
That was me, clown! And I was hanging up the wardrobe.
DUncle Deadly
I swore I would never perform here again, nor would anyone else. I will drive you all from this theatre. LEAVE OR BE DOOOOOOOOOMED! [switches to a normal voice] Which way do I exit?
S1 E22Ethel Merman
[giving Ethel roses] Miss Merman, from all of us, to you.
EEthel
Oh, how kind of you, Miss Piggy...they won't explode, will they?
S1 E23Kaye Ballard
Me and the gang have decided not to end our gig here.
Oh, good!
If...
Uh-huh? If what?
If I can write the new theme song.
Oh! Oh, that'll be fine with me.
No, it won't, man.
Uh, why not?
You'll hate my music! You won't understand it!
Well, now listen here. I-I'm pretty hip too, you know.
Not hip enough. Nobody understands my music. I mean, I don't even understand it.
You don't?
If I didn't know I was a genius, I wouldn't listen to the trash I write.
S1 E24Mummenschanz
Oh, hold my hand, pig-of-my-dreams! Just touch me, oh, hog-of-my-heart!
Here's a touch for you, wimp-buzzard, HAI-YA!
[singing while following Miss Piggy] She kissed me! She put her arms around me and she kissed me!
[humiliated] It was that case of the mistaken identity!
Hug me, Miss Piggy! Hold me!
I will not hug you, you...twit turkey!
Oh, hold my hand, pig-of-my-dreams!
Will you beat it, twerp?!
Just touch me, oh, hog-of-my-heart!
Here's a touch for you, wimp-buzzard!
I'm ready!
HAI-YA! [karate-chops Gonzo, and leaves]
[singing dazed] She touched me...She swung her porky pinkies and she touched me! [faints]
Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, I hope you will understand when I tell you, as usual, that I do not want you.
Oh, then can I have her?
HAI-YA! [standing between Kermit and Gonzo, she karate-chops both of them, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppet Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.