Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

I'm happy to help... It's the performance aspect that concerns me.

Jane

What performance aspect? You go into a room. If someone says anything to you, you say, "Ha ha ha", or "Perhaps..."

Ha ha ha. Perhaps.

Jane

Good enough.

Would an accent help?

Jane

Eh... Keep it simple.

Jane

Don't you think it's odd Homeland Security's fascination with a California serial killer?

Lisbon

Everything about Bob Kirkland is odd.

Cho

So you think he lied about the trip?

Jane

[over the phone] Well, I'm almost certain.

Cho

So if he's not white-water rafting, where is he?

Jane

Well, I don't know, but I'm sure you two will figure it out. And, Rigsby? Put the cupcake back.

Lisbon

Jane, I need you.

Jane

It's nice to be needed. Anything for you, Lisbon.

Lisbon

He has a talk radio show— "Prescription For Love with Buddy Hennings".

Lisbon

What? I've listened to it in my car a few times.

Jane

All right. I'll go talk to Buddy Hennings, the Love Doctor, and you check out the shady bakery.

Lisbon

Van Pelt and Rigsby can handle that. I'll go to the radio station with you.

Jane

Ahh... that's 'cause you're a fan!

Lisbon

I am not! Look, I just think he's a viable lead.

Jane

It's all right, Lisbon. We all have our guilty pleasures.

Lisbon

Hi, we need to speak with Buddy Hennings.

If you want to be on the show, you have to fill out this form and take it to couple's intake.

Lisbon

Oh, we're not a couple. Please.

Jane

What she means is ours is more of a platonic love.

Jane

I have a very exciting assignment for you, Grace.

Van Pelt

You do? Cool, what is it?

Jane

These are for you. Try them on.

Lisbon

Nothing for me?

Jane

Trust me, you wouldn't like them.

Jane

Your brow is furrowed and you have that squinty look in your eye. You want to talk to me about the whole foot fetish thing, but the Catholic schoolgirl in you tells you that it's not necessarily appropriate.

Lisbon

You're right. I don't get it. I can't wrap my head around it.

Jane

I mean, "fetish" is a strong word, but everyone has that thing. It's just... It's human nature.

Lisbon

I don't.

Jane

Oh, come on, Lisbon. Don't deny yourself that freedom. There's definitely something out there that works for you, something that flips your switch. Like turtlenecks.

Lisbon

You're right. It's inappropriate. Good night!

Jane

Turtlenecks it is.

Jane

I'm gonna guess this man was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis.

Lisbon

Well, if you're gonna get in a gunfight, it's best to get in one with an arthritic shooter.

My time is running out. Whatever happens, I want to thank you for trying to help me.

Jane

Well, truth is, you're a hard man not to help, LaRoche. You're like a Shar-Pei puppy that's rolled onto its back. You have to rub its belly.

You're mocking me.

Jane

No, no, I'm happy to rub your belly.

That won't be necessary.

Jane

I hope not.

Lisbon

Why don't you just ask LaRoche what's in the box?

Jane

He's not gonna tell me voluntarily. It's embarrassing to him and deeply personal.

Lisbon

And it's in Tupperware?

Jane

Yes. How could you not want to investigate?

Jane

Two years ago, I hired a petty thief to break into LaRoche's safe for a list of Red John suspects.

Lisbon

Yeah, I know. I had to slug the guy in front of his lawyer to keep you out of jail. Cost me six months in anger management.

Jane

Yeah, and I hope you learned something. [Lisbon hits him]

Lisbon

What if he's right? What if Red John really does have powers?

Jane

Please. A-and what if dolphins were actually aliens from another galaxy? That would be kind of cool.

Red John. Any punk killer who wants to fool with you can paint a smiley face on the wall. "Ooh, it's Red John"

Jane

It was Red John.

Red John has your mind completely messed up. You see him every place you look. You think you're getting closer, but he is just playing with you.

Jane

We'll see.

Has it never occurred to you to ask exactly how Red John is always one step ahead of you? How is it he seems to read your mind?

Jane

You tell me.

Red John's got powers. Real psychic powers that you refuse to believe in. Teresa will hear what I'm saying, but you've no faith, so you're deaf to the truth. He's got powers. That's why he'll always defeat you.

Lisbon

(about Jane's suspect list) Are these people I know well?

Jane

Very well.

Lisbon

J.J. LaRoche?

Jane

No.

Lisbon

Ardiles?

Jane

Hmm. Interesting guess. No.

Lisbon

Would you tell me if I guess right?

Jane

Nope.

Lisbon

You're killing me.