Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

There you are.

Jane

We should come by sometime when there's not a corpse here to meet us.

See? I know how to play poker.

Jane

Of course you do.

You play the man, not the cards. I know the odds, I know myself.

Jane

You know people, you know how to control them. Not that you always care.

What does that mean?

Jane

Well, you win more flies with honey than with vinegar, but you use vinegar anyway.

Is this about Lisbon?

Jane

You're very fond of the fake tell, aren't you? Before you bet you look away and you breath out very slowly, like you're trying to calm yourself.

Yes.

Jane

Well, you have a tell inside the fake tell. When you're bluffing, the breathing is audible.

The hell it is. I-I control myself.

Jane

You get yourself a good hand and puff away like that, Manchester will for sure think you're bluffing. Trust me.

Jane

Morning.

Lisbon

Good morning! We're gonna be short-staffed for a while. Van Pelt's off to L.A. Thank you.

Jane

Adult education's a beautiful thing. Uh, speaking of which, uh... I've upset the ecosystem of the poker game.

Lisbon

I think you've been spending too much time at the museum. "Upset the ecosystem"?

Jane

Bertram's now a better poker player because of me. The ecosystem has changed. You need to adapt or die.

Lisbon

Who says I need the help?

Jane

Don't try to razzle dazzle me. Money talks.

Lisbon

What do we use for stakes? You can't play poker without stakes.

Jane

Oh, I have that covered. [lining up dinosaur fruit snacks on the table] Herbivores are worth one, carnivores are worth five.

Lisbon

Okay.

Jane

Deal.

Lisbon

What do you got?

Jane

All in.

Lisbon

You're bluffing. I call.

Jane

Really?

Lisbon

Okay, are you cheating?

Jane

No.

Lisbon

Wha—

Jane

I'm gonna smoke you.

Lisbon

How does one person live in a house this big?

Jane

Uh, let me see. By being very rich.

Lisbon

That's not what I meant.

Jane

Ah, you mean morally. Well, we've been called in, so it's likely that whoever lived here paid a hefty price in the end.

Lisbon

This place gives me the creeps.

Jane

Normally I'd be tempted to mock your superstition, but in this case I'm inclined to agree.

Jane

Well, we could get on board and wait.

Lisbon

Not without a warrant, we're not.

Jane

Ugh. Rules are just so... tiresome and boring.

Jane

Uh, Lisbon, I'm sorry, but I think we might have to get back to the crime scene.

Lisbon

Really? That place was so creepy.

Jane

Yes. But I'm worried we might have missed something because of that.

Lisbon

Okay, fine. But no jumping out and yelling "boo" at me or anything like that.

Jane

I mean, seriously, what do you take me for?

Lisbon

I am not going to answer that because I'm a nice person.

Lisbon

What? We followed the evidence.

Jane

You—you did. You... followed the evidence.

Lisbon

Okay. Okay, I was wrong. But we followed the evidence.

Jane

You know what gave me second thoughts about Elise Vogelsong? She read too many murder mystery novels.

Lisbon

There you go. That's not police work. That's guessing.

Jane

You should try it sometime. Now I'm gonna go pursue Red John. Ciao!

Lisbon

Bertram is bringing Homeland into the Lorelai murder. Did you hear me?!

Jane

Yes.

Lisbon

Now that she's killed someone, they're gonna start looking again into her escape.

Jane

That's likely.

Lisbon

Jane. I know you broke her out of prison, and you know I know.

Jane

And I know you know I know.

Lisbon

This is not funny!. If they find out, you could be charged as an accomplice to murder.

Jane

Well, if they find out. They won't, unless, of course, you sing to the coppers.

Lisbon

Which I won't, and that makes me an accomplice to murder as well.

Jane

Well only if you look at it as a very persnickety lawyer.

Lisbon

She tortured someone!

Jane

Yeah. It's—it's horrible, I-I know. But she must have had good reason.

Lisbon

God, can you hear yourself?!

Jane

Yes, I hear myself. Julia Howard must have helped murder Lorelei's sister, must have been there with Red John. Lorelei wouldn’t do this otherwise. I trust her.

Lisbon

Jane... I am your partner, not her. You need to be honest with me.

Jane

I know.

Lisbon

If she contacts you, if you find anything out about her, if you have any insights about the case...

Jane

I will tell you.

Jane

You're foolish doing this on your own. Let me help you.

No. I've done terrible things. Unforgivable things. There's no way back. You and me are on different roads, I hope.

Lisbon

You're putting your trust in the mistress of a serial killer. She's playing you.

Jane

Playing me? How?

Lisbon

You're blind. You're involved with her. It's clouding your judgment.

Jane

There's no involvement. I feel nothing for her.

Lisbon

Now you're really lying. I'm gonna make this very simple. I will not be a part of this anymore, and neither will you, if you wanna remain with the team.

Jane

An ultimatum? Someone's playing a little too much poker. I confess. I-I may have some feelings, but if I have crossed any lines, it is not because I like her. I will do anything I can to get to Red John, but you have known that since the start.

Jane

We have to go back to the crime scene.

Lisbon

Why?

Jane

I want a taco.

Jane

Hey, Lisbon.

Lisbon

Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you're at the hospital.

Jane

I'm not at the hospital?

Lisbon

We caught a case. You're needed at the crime scene.

Jane

I'll be there soon.

Lisbon

You're at the hospital, aren't you?

Jane

You told me to tell you I'm not at the hospital. What do you want? Make up your mind.

Lisbon

Get out of there. If Jason Lennon wakes up, and if he talks, and if he knows Red John's identity, Agent Kirkland and Homeland Security are perfectly capable of handling it.

Jane

I disagree.

Lisbon

You're playing with fire.

Jane

There are worse things to play with.

[leading Jane out by the arm] This way, sir.

Jane

Yeah, I'm going. That's my arm! You have two of your own.

Jane

Thank you.

How did you get in here? Who let you in?

Jane

Well, if I told you that, I wouldn't be able to get in when I come back, would I?

I don't know about this.

Jane

Oh, trust me. You'll have fun.

"Trust me. You'll have fun." Was there ever a more suspicious phase?

Jane

J.J., you have to live a little. You spend your days chasing paperclip thieves. When do you ever get the chance to nail a killer?