Wayne Rigsby quotes from The Mentalist

Rigsby

Ladies and gentlemen, ten years ago, Teresa Lisbon left the San Francisco Police Department to join the California Bureau of Investigation. Today she is without doubt the rootinest, tootinest, sharp-shootinest cop in the whole state of California. Happy anniversary, boss.

Grace

Mr. Jane, I have a question regarding your previous career path.

Jane

Fire away.

Grace

When you met with other psychics, real psychics, could they tell you were just pretending?

Jane

There's no such thing as real psychics.

Grace

I beg to differ. My cousin Yolanda is a psychic.

Jane

Your cousin is deluded or dishonest or both.

Rigsby

Hey, steady.

Grace

No, no, he's entitled to his opinion. He's wrong, though. She has power. She can communicate with the other side. I've seen her do it myself.

Jane

She let you speak with someone that's gone, someone that you love and still miss very much. You wanted her power to be real so it was.

Rigsby

You're so sure you're right. Science doesn't know everything.

Grace

Five hundred years ago, radio would have seemed like magic. Five hundred years in the future, it could be totally normal to communicate with the other side.

Jane

The other side?...There is no other side...

Rigsby

I look around, I don't see anyone here who could torture a man to death with pliers and a lit cigar.

Patrick

Picture them naked and ravenously hungry.

Grace

Ew!

Rigsby

Okay, I'll bite. What's the basic principle?

Jane

Cost you a dollar.

Rigsby

For what?

Jane

So you'll pay attention.

Jane

Love and affection.

Rigsby

What?

Jane

Love and affection.

Rigsby

Give me my dollar back.

Jane

When you're seducing someone, what are you offering them? Love and affection. Who doesn't want love and affection. It's simple.

Rigsby

Seriously, give me my dollar back.

Rigsby

Seduction's not my strong point.

Jane

Seduction's easy once you know the basic principles. There's nothing to it.

Rigsby

Oh, really? Well, I don't see a crowd of women following you around.

Jane

Why would I want a crowd of women following me around?

Rigsby

I sent out the vibes. I got nothing back, okay? So I'm leaving her alone.

Jane

Vibes. Really? Vibes?

Cho

That's where he stares at the back of her neck for several hours. Women love that.

Rigsby

Oh, shut up, Cho!

Patrick Jane

You gotta go get her, man. You gotta seduce her.

Jane

Oh, let him go.

Lisbon

Let him go?

Cho

What for?

Rigsby

We had to fight to catch him.

Jane

Oh, you're such policemen. Yes, let him go.

Grace

I don't think it's right to bet on such things. That's a human being that just died!

Rigsby

No, it's okay. We're in Nevada. Here in California, yeah it'd be wrong. [Crosses over to Nevada side.] But here, Nevada. It's okay to gamble on body parts.

Rigsby

No. We're gonna be talking to the hand for a long while.

Jane

Why so glum? A case is a case.

Rigsby

We're in the middle of nowhere. Windy as all hell. I haven't eaten anything. Dismemberments are a bitch. Spend months assembling the victim, there's always a piece missing.

Jane

There's already plenty to work with right here.

Grace

It's a right hand with the number 43 on it.

Rigsby

All I'm saying, you can't say there's no such thing as a psychic just because you've never met one.

Cho

You're right. I've never seen a zebra, doesn't mean they don't exist.

Rigsby

Never seen a zebra?

Cho

Nah.

Rigsby

Never been to a zoo?

Cho

Yeah I don't get zoos. You pay money to look at animals, why?

Lisbon

Play nice, Van Pelt's entitled to her opinion.

Jane

Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny.

Rigsby

Who said there's no Easter Bunny?

Grace

I don't like it.

Rigsby

Me neither. What's the alternative?

Grace

It's immoral.

Rigsby

I don't know about that. Say your brain gets cooked if you use 'em a lot. Make you infertile, too.

Grace

What are you talking about?

Rigsby

Microwaves. What are you talking about?

Grace

The séance this evening!

Rigsby

We were looking at the microwave!

Jane

That was close. Where were you guys?

Rigsby

We called in to check out a lead.

Cho

Yeah, Lisbon didn't know you were about to pull an idiotic stunt, sorry.

Jane

No hard feelings.

Jane

Now I have access to all your innermost thoughts.

Lisbon

Yeah, right.

Jane

I'm serious.

Lisbon

Okay. So what am I thinking right now?

Jane

You're thinking, I'm so glad Jane is joking around and he can't actually read my mind.

Lisbon

No. Well, actually, yes, but not for the reason you think.

Jane

What reason do I think?

Lisbon

Never you mind.

Rigsby

You're blushing.

Jane

You are blushing.

Grace

[talking about Howie] He's crazy.

Rigsby

Yeah, crazy don't make him innocent. Crazy is what makes people kill other people.