Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

You can't park there.

Jane

Sure I can. [points to his car] Look.

Lisbon

The brass and media are going to be all over this like suckerfish.

Jane

Well why don't we just give it to the FBI? They love that stuff.

Lisbon

Oh, I wish. It's too late. The new boss is here doing on-cameras. It's our baby.

Jane

The new boss? I thought Hightower was boss.

Lisbon

The boss of Hightower? The director of the entire division. I told you about it last week. Your memory's going.

Jane

My memory is a mighty fortress, Lisbon, from which no fact ever escapes once committed. Now when you tell me boring things, I set them free immediately. It saves overcrowding.

Jane

You just put your hand on me.

No. I mean, yes, but --

Jane

Yes. Don't ever do that again.

Or else what?

Jane

[leans in close] You ever smell a dead mouse? Remember that smell?

Yes.

Jane

Well, I just now put a dead mouse in your jacket pocket, and no matter how many times you clean that jacket you will always smell that dead mouse, and you will remember that you should never have put your hand on me.

[feels jacket pocket and immediately removes the jacket] You son of a bitch.

Jane

It's actually just a wadded up napkin, but it has the same psychological effect. The human mind is funny that way.

Jane

Really, I'm impressed. You played me like a fish and you lied to me.

Lisbon

I kind of did, didn't I?

Jane

I'm glad to see you're learning a few things. Of course, now I shall have my revenge.

Lisbon

What did you tell her?

Jane

I was complimenting her on her jacket. It's a vivid color.

Lisbon

Liar.

Jane

You're going to call me a liar?

Lisbon

Oh, I hate you. I do.

Lisbon

You're isolating yourself. You're pulling away from us, from me and the team. You are. You are and it's not good. What's going on?

Jane

Anybody that gets close to me, bad things happen to them.

Lisbon

A: That's not true, and B: Even if that were true, I'm a cop. It's our job to be in harm's way.

Jane

You're not listening to me.

Lisbon

We're family. What you're doing is a kind of betrayal, a surrender, a defeat. You're letting Red John win.

Jane

Oh, please. Please. Really? Okay, enough. No more pulling away. Give me a hug.

Lisbon

You don't mean it. I can tell.

Jane

What do you mean you can tell. You can't tell. I don't mean it, but you can't tell that I don't. You're guessing!

Lisbon

Yes, I can tell.

Jane

How?

Lisbon

I don't know. I can tell when you're lying now.

Jane

No you can't tell!

Lisbon

I can too!

Jane

That's nonsense. You're lying. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Lisbon

I didn't know your wife was from this world, too.

Jane

Oh yeah. Her grandparents are carnie royalty. They ran big metal: Ferris wheels, ghost trains. They ran them all across the midwest. My wife, she didn't want to have any part of it.

Lisbon

Why?

Jane

Carnies are good people, but you're either with the show or you're not. There's nowhere in the middle, and if you're not with the show, you're a mark. You're a sucker. She didn't like that.

Lisbon

[knocks] Jane! It's me.

Jane

[opens a side door, surprising Lisbon] Hey, Lisbon. Excellent work finding us.

Lisbon

I am very unhappy with you. Is he in there?

Jane

Yep.

Lisbon

Bring him out. No funny business or I will shoot to kill.

Jane

You're very persuasive. We'll be right out.

So, this is it, huh? [remarking on his sister and niece, along with Jane's wife and daughter's graves] They'd like it, I guess, if they had a preference.

Jane

You know this is the first time I've been here since the funeral?

Why's that?

Jane

Because they're no here.

Hey, who knows for sure? Maybe they're up there right now looking down at us. Annie's saying, lighten up, you dummies.

Jane

Yeah, maybe.

Yeesh. I'm sorry I asked to come. Who would have known a trip to the cemetery would be such a downer.

Jane

It's all right. It's irrational. No reason to be sad. Are you going to give them those flowers or what?

Guilt is for marks. You know that right?

Jane

[looks away as his eyes fill with tears] Yeah.

Lisbon

We're with the CBI. What's going on here?

[motions to couple on underside of a bridge] They were up there when we arrived. Gotta tell you, it looks like an attempted assault. He's going to reach her soon. We're going to have to shoot to stop him.

Jane

If you shoot him you'll have two victims. She just went up there to see about jumping. He's trying to save her. Can I use that? [takes bull horn from deputy] Uh, Betsy? If you're going to jump, make sure to dive. Head first.

Hey!

Lisbon

Jane.

Jane

From that height you'll just shatter bones and suffer massive internal injuries. Make sure you dive. Head first.

Jane

Was it worth it?

Was what worth it?

Jane

The man that killed your wife no longer exists. The time you took pursuing him, the pain, the sacrifice, was it worth it?

Yes, it was.

Jane

Thank you.

Jane

Why does horse manure smell so good?

Lisbon

It doesn't.

Jane

Judge Fitzwilliam will change her tune once I reveal her daughter's killer, won't she?

I don't imagine she will. When are you planning on doing that?

Jane

This very evening.

This very night?

Jane

But you have to trust me.

Lisbon

Right, and what if you're wrong again?

Jane

Well, if I'm wrong then we're in deep trouble, but what are the chances, really, of me being wrong twice in a row. Think about that one. Of course, if either of you have a better idea how to find Abby's body and catch her killer, please: these are not taxi doors, they're ears.

Jane

[whispers] This isn't going to work unless you're quiet.

Lisbon

[whispers] I can't keep quiet. My legs are asleep. [squirms]

Jane

What do you mean your legs are asleep? Lets don't sleep. That's absurd. Don't say that.

Hey. So, I just talked to Judge Fitzwilliam.

Jane

And?

And she says if you will apologize for the cavalier method in which you disrupted her mother's burial she will not pursue disciplinary action against you, Lisbon or myself.

Jane

Hmm. Tell her Jane says she is a self righteous embittered, old bat and she should thank me.

Oh God, Jane, please.

[surprising both Hightower and Jane] You're right, Mr. Jane. I came here for an apology, but I realize now I was wrong to stand on my dignity. I am embittered, and your arrogant, callous, juvenile behavior did reveal he truth after all, so thank you. Thank you very much. Good evening to you.

Jane

Sorry.