Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Brooke Harper

How did you find me?

Jane

Well, let's make a deal. I'll tell you how we found you if you tell us who you are.

Brooke Harper

Okay. [With a British accent] My name is Angela Dalibar and I'm from Birmingham, England by way of Hong Kong. How did you find me?

Jane

I planted a GPS tracking device on you. Outstanding technology. No bigger than a stick of gum.

Cho

Tell us more about yourself Angela. How long have you been a professional con woman?

Brooke Harper

All my life, I suppose. [She drops the British accent] And I confess, my name's not really Angela.

Jane

And I didn't plant a GPS tracking device on you.

Six months of living in that chair. Six months and no one ever questioned me about it. Why did you?

Jane

Whenever I meet someone in a wheelchair I check the bottoms of their shoes. The bottoms of your shoes were scuffed. I've been checking shoes for years. This is the first time it's ever paid off. First time. That's gratifying, man. Very, very gratifying.

Lisbon

Ah, he's a pistol, isn't he?

Brooke Harper

See you around, Patrick.

I'll doubt you'll be seeing much of anybody for a few years.

Jane

Uh, I don't know about that, agent Hayes. She's very good at what she does.

Jane

That urge you have to get one over on people, the need to be smarter than the next guy? It'll keep biting you on the ass.

Brooke Harper

So my butt'll hurt occasionally. I'll still be smarter than the next guy.

Lisbon

Chewing-gum plays. I can already see my hair with a big chunk out of it.

Jane

You'd look good with short hair. Choppy, all kind of Peter Pan. Good for the eyes.

Lisbon

Train station. It had to be a train station.

Jane

What's wrong with a train station?

Lisbon

People, noise, tunnels, trains. More people.

Jane

Make much money, playing the keyboards?

No, but I'm not in it for the money. You know, music is a...it's a spiritual thing.

Jane

Yeah, it is. So is money. Everything that exists has a spiritual essence. Or not at all.

Jane

When was the last time you saw a doctor's handwriting you could read?

Lisbon

So she's precise. Is that what you're implying?

Jane

Yes, and the possibility that Dr. Brooke Harper is not a doctor.

Lisbon

Because she has penmanship skills?

Jane

And she doesn't have that cold, creepy, doctor-y vibe they all have.

Rigsby

Be fair. Not all the Doctors are cold and creepy.

Jane

First day in Medical School they get a stack of books and a dead human being. That, I'm afraid, would change you. Brooke Harper was warm and emotional.

Lisbon

You like her so she can't be a Doctor.

Jane

Pretty much.

Lisbon

I hope you got something useful for all the trouble you caused.

Jane

Yes, I did. The story of the mad axeman Zachariah, who lives in these here woods.

Lisbon

Ah, Z.

Jane

Yes, Z. I would have gotten more, but you came back too quickly.

Lisbon

Reality check. I'm your supervising agent. I'm not your decoy.

Chief Brody

Do you have any actual facts?

Jane

Well, it's an actual fact that you dislike Mr. MacLean here because he's a tree-hugging, liberal wacko who's probably running some kind of a cult. And he dislikes you because you're a small-minded, provincial hayseed. Not that you are necessarily. That's just what he thinks.

Lisbon

We should start looking in the woods around the school.

Jane

Oh, that sounds horribly tedious. Shout if you need me.

Lisbon

Go ahead, relax. Enjoy yourself. God forbid you should do anything tedious.

Jane

Who's Zachariah?

Who?

Jane

Zachariah?

Never heard of him. Who is he?

Jane

Liar.

Liar?

Jane

Pants on fire. They're ablaze.

I wanna cooperate with you people, but this man is trying to...I don't know what he's trying to do, but I resent it.

Jane

Excuse me, what kind of tree is this?

Chief Brody

Couldn't say.

Jane

Smells good. So you're not a local?

Chief Brody

Born five miles down the road, just don't give a crap about trees.

I think you might show a little more respect.

Jane

Respect for...?

Chief Brody

There's a dead child here.

Jane

Yes, yes, he's dead. He doesn't care how I talk to you.