Oh go on I love boats, I used to go fishing with my dad.
Fisting?
FISHING!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(a fish has jumped into the boat) Jesus Christ! How the hell has that happened?
I dunno, it didn’t have any bait on it.
Get it out!
It’s just a fish.
It’s a fucking terrifying massive fish! Get rid of it Neil!
(after Jay has let off the emergency flare) Why the fuck did you do that?
To get the sea police out!
And say what?! “Help, we’ve caught a fish?”? We’re already in the harbour, What are they gonna do - tow us four feet closer to the shore?
Better kill it, It’s the kindest thing to do; it won’t survive back in the sea now.
Well, that was a much more dignified end for it(!)
(reading card) “Jay, you massive stud, please please spaff on my tits, from your Valentine’s bitch. P.S and on my face”
It’s just funny all these cards seem to be written in the same scrawny handwriting? Your secret admirers are either all very young, or have severe learning difficulties, which I admit is a possibility.
Nah, look…the handwriting’s just bad cos they were strumming one out as they wrote them!
It’s not that I’m better than this, it’s just that I’m much cleverer than you need to be to work in a place like this.
JJim
Place like this?
Manual. Dirty. Not stupid exactly, but not academic by a long chalk.
JJim
Steve here’s got a BTEC.
Exactly!
JJournalist
What are you hoping to get out of this assignment?
Don’t worry. I won’t steal nothing.
WMWill’s Mum
I was hoping you’d be able to do something about it, Mr Gilbert.
I’m sorry.
NDNeil’s Dad
I just wonder what he said to them.
WMWill’s Mum
I don’t think he said anything, Kevin.
Oh come on, we both know Will. He must have said something.
WMWill’s Mum
He had to walk back through the town centre sopping wet and barely clothed, Mr Gilbert.
WMWill’s Mum
I had hoped you’d take this more seriously. He wrote to the paper especially to get work experience, and instead I’m picking frogspawn out of his underpants.
Would you excuse me, just for a second?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OH! GOD!
Look, I don’t want it to seem as if I’m passing the buck, but it really is up to their employers. I will ask if they’ll consider swapping students, but I can’t promise anything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I do have a meeting to attend to.
NDNeil’s Dad
Ohh… what a pickle. I’m not sure I should send Neil to the garage. Those men sound like brutes.
WMWill’s Mum
I think it was just high jinks.
NDNeil’s Dad
What? Three dirty men throwing a young, naked boy into water?
WMWill’s Mum
I never said Will was naked.
NDNeil’s Dad
Oh…I thought you did…
(voiceover) Hmm, not quite the outcome I’d hoped for. Neil’s dad imagining me naked.
JJim
Fack off, you’re a virgin, mate.
WWolfie
Classic virgin.
If you must know, I’d spunk on the big ones! And I have had better than that, actually! And she’s got massive titties, and I fucked her hard and all night long!
JJim
Oh, right, so what are you and this little 'ornbacket up to this weekend then?
Going to an under-18s disco where she works, so unfortunately you can’t come.
WWolfie
I can go.
What?
WWolfie
I can go, I’m 17.
You’re 17?!
WWolfie
Yeah, I just look older.
There’s looking older and then there’s that! You look about 30!
JJim
So it’s settled then, Wolfie will come down and check out this bird.
Fine.
JJim
Maybe Wolfie’ll pull her.
Except he won’t, because she loves me!
(On underage girls) If there’s grass on the pitch play ball .
Well, what if there isn’t any?
By the time you find out, it’s too late anyway.
Looks like there’s some tidy minge here.
Yes, it’s tidy because it hasn’t got any hair on it!
(To Will) Maybe Charlotte needs someone to help service her car!
Oh, I’d service her alright! I’d slide my dipstick in right deep!
HHannah
I’m so horny, tongue me!
Christ, Simon’s only gone and pulled himself an experienced cock handler!
Or, someone so inexperienced she thinks this is the best way to pull a boy.
Well, either way, thanks to me we’re now watching Simon get wanked off!
Yes, well we really do have a lot to thank you for.
He kicked me in the cock!
Good shot to get you in the cock!
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