Any jobs for me?
Wash your hands afterwards!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(voiceover) Despite being organised by my team of geeks, it actually looked like people were enjoying the party.
(voiceover) As Neil was about to discover, the problem with drinking for Dutch courage is the next level of drunk up from that is Dutch dickhead.
(voiceover) So far, so good. The band rocked, people largely found the toilets without a sign, and bet of all, my throat remained un-ripped out. Now all I had to worry about was Jay’s DJing.
This isn’t on the approved playlist! No one likes this one, Jay. Well, that’s it, it’s a disaster.
JJohn
You didn’t say please. What about opening up and trusting?
Oh, fuck off you fat wanker.
Oi, give us a burger.
JJohn
You could say please.
Just give me one! I gotta be back up there in three minutes.
JJohn
Not until you say please. Manners cost nothing.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Can I have a burger, please?
JJohn
Of course you can.
JJohn
My counsellor used to say that frustration often comes from wanting to be noticed.
Yeah. Yeah. That’s it. That’s probably why I exaggerate a bit.
JJohn
To feel special?
Yeah. It’s like sometimes I feel like the kids here don’t pay attention to me. Like I’m so dumb that I don’t matter. I guess making a few things up at least makes them notice.
He was caught in the music cupboard wanking over the school orchestra.
When?
Before we started.
Convenient.
DDonovan
Move.
Why should we move?
DDonovan
D’you want me to give you a reason?
Well, I’m not leaving without one.
DDonovan
I don’t think you understand?
I don’t think that you understand that we got up early to secure these seats and… (gets throttled)
(goes to speak to Mr Gilbert, who he’s been forced to sit next to)
Don’t even THINK about trying to talk to me!
It’s just that I’ve got to go and see a man about a dog, (winks at Neil) then a woman about a pussy.
LLauren
(annoyed) I so know what that means.
(as Yoda) PARTY HMMM, COOL THAT SOUNDS!
You know you are never gonna get laid.
You are all right with me seeing Lauren later, aren’t you?
Yeah. Of course.
She’s pretty cool actually.
Is she? (to the seagulls) FUCK OFF, YOU BEADY-EYED LITTLE SHITS!
OOld lady
What can I get you?
Cornetto please.
OOld lady
One Cornetto, is that all?
Do you want to lick it?
OOld lady
Sorry?
My Cornetto, do you want to lick it?
OOld lady
Oh that is kind, I’ve had enough Ice Cream today though sweetheart
Oh right, bit late am I?
OOld lady
Do you want something else?
Are you the woman who sucks school boys off?
OOld lady
Sorry?
Can you suck me off?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Inbetweeners pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.