You see, Hans Gluckenflanken, set out for Florida, to find the Fountain of Intelligence. Unfortunately, when he got to Duluth he took a left, instead of a right and wound up back in St. Olaf. That's how he got his nickname, Wrong Way Gluckenflanken.
Well, when he got back it was the dead of winter. Tired and hungry, but still clinging to his belief that he would find the Fountain of Intelligence, he saw the miracle water, trickling out of the ground, and he fell to his knees and tasted it. Unfortunately, it was a broken sewer main. Two days later, he died of cholera.
[to Miles' daughter] Oh, Caroline, one year after your mother's demise is more than respectable. Why, I've had people call me when their wife was in intensive care! Granted, these men were not pillars of their community.
[on her scheme to put a fake ad in the paper for a Mercedes for sale, in order to meet men] I'm renting [a Mercedes] and pretending it's for sale. All day tomorrow, men are going to be showing up here for a test drive! You can tell a lot about a man by the way he drives.
It was great. He says that Ma's memory problem could be related to a nutritional imbalance, so he put her on a special diet and if she follows it, she'll be fine from here on out.
You know, I hate getting old. You always seem to be losing something. First, it's your eyesight. Then people are telling you to turn down the TV set when you can barely hear it, and you could live with that. But this, they're trying to take something from me that I just won't give. I can't let this happen, Dorothy. I can't lose my Sal, not again.
I need the professional care of the most talented hairdresser in Miami - Robert. Oh, he's brilliant. Do you know, he was the first one ever to use mousse?
I'd check my facts if I were you, Blanche. Mr. Ingrid of St. Olaf has been using mousse ever since I can remember. Of course, it's his own professional secret which part of the moose he uses. But it'll keep your hair in place in winds up to 130 miles an hour!
Well, it was the only song she knew. During World War I, she gave out donuts and coffee to the doughboys before they boarded the trains for Europe. It works, truly! She said no one can be scared when they hear that song...except maybe the Kaiser.
