Ask me anything.
All right, when the hell are you moving out?
You kill me.
I'd love to.
S2 E13The Stan Who Came to Dinner
S2 E14The Actor
Sophia, is that a Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty uniform you're wearing?
No, Rose, I'm off to discover the Straits of Magellan. Yo ho!
PPatrick
[auditioning Blanche for the play] Please reconsider, Josie. You're the prettiest girl in the county. I need to have your answer now. What's it gonna be?
[throwing back her arms to embrace Patrick] I want you to TAKE ME, BIFF!
[The inflatable breasts Blanche is wearing under her shirt pop, and the sound of air leaking out of them is heard. Dorothy and Rose look on in shock.]
PPatrick
I'm afraid I popped your bosom!
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, Patrick. My backup pair can take a lot more punishment.
PPatrick
Now Rose, there's been something I've wanted to ask you all day...
[referring to her breasts] Mine are real!
PPatrick
...That's not what I wanted to ask you, but that is good to know.
(The girls coming home after the play and their humiliation by Patrick)
I feel like such a fool.
BBlanch
Oh, me too.
Oh, don't worry, girls. The audience had a real good time and they got their money back on top of it.
That's not what were talking about, you titmouse! We were talking about how humiliated we all were by Patrick.
Oh, you're right. I feel so common, so cheap, so used. How do you usually deal with that, Blanche?
Rose, just for that, I'm going to flush the toilet tonight while you're taking a shower.
S2 E15Before and After
I am abhorred!
We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Sophia, I said "abhorred".
A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.
[describing what she saw] And at the information desk was this huge train schedule. And next to every departure it said "Destination: Heaven." My first thought was, "Gee, what a great title for a movie!" My second thought was "Damn! I'm dead!"
[continuing the description of her vision] There were people everywhere, rushing off to catch trains, sitting on benches, browsing in the souvenir shop.
The souvenir shop??
Of course, Blanche. They were all buying T-shirts, you know, the ones that say, "Today is the first day of the end of your life."
[rummaging through her shopping purchases] This is for me... this is for me... this is for me... this was for you, but it's so cute, now it's for me... this is for you. [hands Dorothy package]
"Edible Panties." Oh, what a lovely sentiment, thank you. [kisses Blanche on the cheek]
You really like 'em?
Like 'em? I love 'em! In fact, I may have the waistband with a glass of milk before I go to bed tonight.
S2 E16And Then There Was One
[about why the baby, Emily, is crying] She probably misses her mother, needs to hear a feminine voice.
[holding Emily] And what have I been doing, my Ben Gazzara impression?
My uncle Lester only had one tooth and he could eat corn on the cob...Course he didn't actually get a lot of it into his mouth. So they'd cream what fell on his pants and he'd eat it later.
You're absolutely right Dorothy. And I'll tell you something else. A mother sometimes needs her children even more.
Thank you, Ma. That's very sweet.
Give me twenty dollars.
No.
You're absolutely right Dorothy. And I'll tell you something else. A mother sometimes needs her children even more.
Thank you, Ma. That's very sweet.
Give me twenty dollars.
No.
Rose, did I say a mother needs her child? I meant roommate. Give me twenty dollars.
What for?
Seoul, Korea, 1988, the Olympics. I'd like to be there competing for the USA. Contribute now and I'll make sure you get a Sophia lapel pin.
[goes into her purse and gets Sophia the money] Okay. Good luck, we'll be watching.
Thanks. And Dorothy, if Gladys calls, tell her I'll be able to make Bingo tonight.
S2 E17Bedtime Story
Oh darn, I forgot something.
Go in your pajamas!
No, it's not that, I forgot to say my prayers.
Oh Rose, God wouldn't mind if you skipped a night! He's very busy these days, most of his spare time is spent talking to Pat Robertson.
[deep voice, pretending to be God] Rose, thanks for the lovely prayer. Now shut up and get into bed.
Amen! [gets into bed]
Nice work, Dorothy.
Wasn't me.
[starts to look worried] Sweet Jesus, am I in trouble! [begins to pray] Now I lay me down to sleep...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.