Sophia, where're you going?
To my room.
But you can't, it could be dangerous!
Please, I'm 80! Bathtubs are dangerous!
S1 E8Break-In
[Blanche enters in from the kitchen with flour on her face and blouse]
[stunned] They got my jewels.
But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
[shocked] Oh my God, Blanche has cocaine?!
SSSecurity System Salesman
So those are the facts, ladies. It's not a pretty picture. One out of every three people will be the victim of a violent crime.
That's awful!
SSalesman
And since there are four of you, that means at least one of you will be a victim... [pauses for emphasis] ...of a violent crime. One of you right here, gcchk! [makes slicing motion across his throat with his finger]
And I read that one out of every three people will get cancer! Well, that means one of us will get cancer, so that takes care of two of us!
Okay, okay, we're getting the basic system.
SSalesman
Whatever...
But not from you, from your competitor.
SSalesman
What?
Because what you were trying to do was terrify us into spending more money than we have! Now get out of here before the victim of violent crime in this house is YOU! [shoos the salesman out the door and slams it]
S1 E9Blanche and the Younger Man
[Blanche is exercising in a crouched position as Dorothy watches]
The only time I get in that position is when I give birth.
[about Dirk] This is strictly off the record, but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
In what, Blanche? Dog years?
He was looking for a mother, not a lover. It was humiliating.
I think it's sweet.
You would, Betty Crocker.
AAlma
I'll buy you some of that bikini underwear.
Nah, it rides up on me.
S1 E10Heart Attack
You know, Ma, you don't look good.
I'm short, and old. What are you expecting--Princess Di?
Do you wanna be buried or cremated?
Neither!
What, do you wanna be flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
I wouldn't wanna be cremated. I hate heat. And burial! I hate small spaces. I'm a little claustrophobic.
Rose, you're not gonna know anything, you're gonna be dead.
Oh. Well then, burial I guess. But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?
Why?
Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable... and cosier. And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals. You know, the ones in the little silver frames. And, and, my pictures of the children. And, of course if I married again I'd want a picture of my new husband. And the candlesticks momma gave me.
Rose, it's a coffin not a condo.
I'm sure it isn't a heart attack. A heart attack's bigger. I've seen a heart attack. Charlie had a heart attack.
And it wasn't like this?
Oh, it was much worse.
I think the paramedics would get here!
Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack, before the paramedics got here.
But he wasn't dressed?
We were... making love.
Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me. He died while you were making love?
Well, he didn't die then, he had his heart attack then. And, he told me to dress him.
And?
And I dressed him. And then we had a fight. I grabbed a pair of white pants, and I was putting it on him, and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white!
In the middle of a heart attack?
Oh, Charlie was very stubborn. And very dapper.
And, then what happened?
...And he...told me he loved me...and then it was over. And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him. And a blue shirt...and a striped tie. And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there.
Ohhhh!
What, ma? What?!
Pain.
What kind of pain?
The kind that hurts!
Is there anything else we can get you, Sophia? A little tea, perhaps?
I'm not in England, I'm having a heart attack!
Didn't Aunt Teressa have a heart attack?
No, Aunt Teressa didn't have a heart.
Uncle Nunzio?
Uncle Nunzio died to get away from Aunt Teressa.
AAAAAAAAAAH!!
What, ma? What?!
"What???" You're sitting on top of me! I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.