Oh, we've practiced enough! Every morning before work, every evening after work... all I ever wanted was to look cute in my bowling outfit.
S1 E7The Competition
I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.
It's the tight pants, Rose.
Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.
[Blanche is asleep at the table. Dorothy wants to practice]
Blanche, let's go.
[Blanche murmurs in her sleep]
Come on, Blanche, let's go!
[Blanche murmurs again. Dorothy speaks in a manly whisper]
Blanche, wake up. My wife will be home any minute.
[Blanche shoots up]
WHERE ARE MY SHOES?
[smelling Sophia's spaghetti sauce] Sophia, that smells heavenly! Is it Chef Boyardee?
[holding up a kitchen knife] Stick it in my heart, Rose, it'll hurt less!
[tasting her sauce] Mmm... if this sauce was a person I'd get naked and make love to it.
[to Dorothy] I can't believe you're denying your own mother.
Denying her what?
Springsteen tickets Rose.
S1 E8Break-In
The name Madonna doesn't really fit her.
"Slut" would be better!
Sophia!
Oh, please, please! She did things on that stage I never did with my husband!
[after Rose fires her gun and shatters Blanche's vase] I manage to live 80, 81 years. I survived pneumonia, two operations, a stroke. One night I'll belch and Stable Mabel here will blow my head off!
[on getting robbed] It has nothing to do with energy, it has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with a lousy lock on a sliding door and massive unemployment. Now, I'm going into my room. Call me when the cops come.
We're all employed, Dorothy, except your mother. I wouldn't call that massive.
Good night Rose. Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.
[The robbers] were probably looking for drugs.
We have Maalox and estrogen. And how many junkies have gas and hot flashes?
Well, this is not the end, I can promise you that. Justice will be done here! I hate criminals. I just hate 'em! Someone's gonna pay for this heinous crime! We're gonna have a good, old-fashioned hangin'! That's right, a hangin'! Only first we'll have a whippin', and then we'll have a hangin'! Nobody takes my mama's jewels without swingin' for it! Nighty-night.
[playing Scrabble with Dorothy] I win!
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. There is no such word as that!
There certainly is.
Fine. I'll look it up, and if it isn't in the dictionary, I win.
We don't have a dictionary.
Yes we do.
Not anymore, the robbers took it.
They stole our dictionary?
That's right. Too bad.
Ma, "disdam" is not a word! You made it up.
It's a word!
Fine. Use it in a sentence.
[pauses] You're no good at disdam game!
[after the robbery]
Oh, I'm gonna check the kitchen.
Well, wait! Don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?
Show them your slides of Hawaii.
Oh, no, Blanche has been attacked!
Sort of.
Oh, honey, what happened? You poor darling.
I went to the police station today to get an update on my case. I borrowed your pocket hair spray; I took it from your dressing table. You know what this humidity does to my hair.
I know. Cotton candy.
Well, just as I entered the police station, I saw there was this cute officer there who had his eye on me, so I took out your hair spray and gave my hair a final spritz. Only, surprise, it wasn't hair spray. It was mace. You had mace. Your hair spray was mace! I maced myself right there in the police station! I almost died! I fell to the floor, blinded, writhing in pain. Couldn't move for 20 minutes!
Well, what do you know? It works!
Works? They thought I was on angel dust! They wanted to arrest me! I'm lying there, dying, and they're harassing me! Murderers are free, rapists are free, but a poor widow on the floor, they try to lock up! Who'd I hurt? Me?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.