The Gentlemen quotes

Geoff Seacombe

Do you need a hand?

I’m fine, Geoff.

Geoff Seacombe

You know you shouldn’t smoke fish with pine, don’t you?

Huh?

Geoff Seacombe

You’re planning on smoking that beautiful carp, but the resin, it poisons the flesh.

Tsk! I can’t do anything right, can I? I mean, Eddie’s off gallivanting around the country pretending to be a gangster. And I’m stuck here, alone, with this... dead fishǃ

Geoff Seacombe

Freddy. It’s a lucky man who’s happy with his place in life.

Gabrielle

[being led through cannabis grow-op] It’s like a secret garden.

I know, right? That’s how I like to see it. It’s like an underground world filled with magical plants that bring nothing but righteousness and can help everyone feel so much better. And it’s all being outlawed by Babylon.

Gabrielle

How many plants you got down here?

Rather not get into those details, to be honest. It’s a bit... a bit sensitive information.

Gabrielle

You worried I’m gonna report you?

No, of course not. It’s just I like to take my professional responsibilities very seriously.

Gabrielle

Me too.

Oh, snap. What kind of work do you do then?

Gabrielle

I’m a consultant. People bring me in when they’ve got a problem, and I help them fix it. A jack of all trades but a master of none is oftentimes better than a master of one.

Wow. You’re so clever. D’you wanna smoke a joint or something? I’ve got loads of different flavors and strains.

Gabrielle

Uh, I don’t smoke. I don’t mind if you do though.

Maybe I’ll just have a cheeky little one. I’m sure there’s one in the ashtray. Just give me two secs.

Gabrielle

Okay.

Be right back.

Gabrielle

You reckon the world would be a better place if everyone smoked weed?

Um... Not necessarily. But it’d definitely make it a lot more calmer.

Gabrielle

You’re gonna need a lot more than this if you’re gonna change the world.

Oh, no. This spot, it’s just one of 12.

Gabrielle

Each one as big as this?

There’s ones even biggerǃ

Gabrielle

That’s a pretty substantial network.

Sure you don’t want a toke?

Gabrielle

Well, since I’m with the king of green, why not? [takes blunt and takes drag]

Sabrina Horniman

My goodness, Edward. You simply reek of formaldehyde. Where on earth have you been? And why are you drinking whiskey first thing in the morning?

The less said about that, the better. But, suffice to say, it’s been, uh… [clears throat] ...a rather long night.

Sabrina Horniman

Oh. Well, whilst you’ve been gadding about doing God knows what, I have been finding solutions to our current predicament. Right. I’ve found a new home for your marijuana plantation.

What?

Sabrina Horniman

It’s Mr. Rokes, darling. From next door. He’s sitting on 2,000 acres that he can’t afford to keep, and he is longing to talk to someone about a long-term lease.

[chuckles] Well, well. You would not believe the things I’ve done in the last 48 hours, Mother. And you come along and... fix it all with a glass of sherry.

[at a pub] I’ve got a lot of time for your mum. Takes good care of herself. Good sense of humor. A little bit eccentric, but who isn’t?

Just a little. So are you gonna talk to my neighbor, then?

I’ll take the meeting. See if it’s appropriate. At least someone did their due diligence.

Despite the, uh, few minor niggles we might’ve come across in the last couple of days, you actually came out on top.

I don’t appreciate being shot at, Edward. In fact, and this may come as a shock to you, given my chosen career path, I actually make a point of avoiding being shot at, at all times. Having said that, I will admit you proved yourself useful in the end.

Jack Glass

[sits at table] Oi, oi, love birds. Don’t mind me.

Hello, mate.

Jack Glass

Fire in the hole. I’ve gotta get this straight, ’cause Blanket was making no sense. According to him, you had a spin on master chef over there and blew up a load of Nazis. With a fucking grenade.

Nazi. Singular.

Jack Glass

Now we have a rare art collection and two farms to set up. I take it all back. Suze, he’s a proper G.

You’re a fucking idiot, Jack.

Jack Glass

[raises glass] To Eddie, the grand duke of getting shit done.

Hmm, no, no, no. I’m not cheersing to that.

All right. Why don’t we cheers to looking in the envelope?

To looking in the envelope.

Jack Glass

Whatever the fuck that means.

What’s the story between you two? Looking very cozy on that couch the other night. If you know what I mean.

It’s just a work thing. We’re associates, really.

You see, I can tell by that glint in your eye that you’re the outlaw, Susie. I’d say you have a bit of rebel blood flowing through those veins. And a working-class girl like you and a duke, his type were locking up the likes of me and you since William the Conqueror.

You’re not wrong. But we’re not here to talk about me, JP. We’re here to find out how you plan on pulling all this off.

Well, this is the crack. Myself and me family are back and forth to Europe all the time. Sometimes via Ireland, sometimes not. One month, it could be a horse fair in Spain. Next month, it could be a trip to a campsite in Belgium. But this month, it’s gonna be a pilgrimage to Lourdes. [enters stables]

[to Susie] Boss, if you would have told me in school that I’d be earning bare money shoving packs of weed up a Virgin Mary, I’d have said you’d gone mad, bruv.

[enters John's trailer] You heard?

I heard. And what do you think, Eddie? Hmm? You’re putting me in a very awkward position. How do you reckon that?

Imagine if you were me, eh? How did we meet? We met because you were stealing from me.

You need to take a closer look at everybody in your own fucking camp.

I’m not looking at them. I’m looking at you. Did you steal the money, John?

Be very fucking careful, Eddie.

Did you steal... that money? [JP chuckles, pats Eddie's shoulder and walks out]

[investigation theft of £4 million from cannabis grow-op] All sorted, Suze.

CCTV all cushty. Where are the travellers now?

Looks like they’ve done a bunk.

Well, get a crew together. I want ’em found. Do you understand? All hands on deck.

Want me to head back to de Groot? Undo the damage, so to speak.

[descends stairs] Morning. [walks past her] Uh, quick word, Susan.

[to Keith] Hold that thought.

Who benefits if we blame the travellers and lose our means of distribution in Europe?

That shit-eating cunt from Belgium.

Exactly. I may have jumped the gun on JP. He’s a thief, but not our thief. They would’ve left immediately had they stolen the money.

You think de Groot is orchestrating all this from Europe?

He couldn’t do it on his own, could he?

Agreed. He’d have to have someone on the inside.

Someone close. Someone probably at the farm.

I think we need to take a little trip to Zeebrugge.

Hmm.

[Eddie and Susie appear in front of him at an eating establishment table] Oh, Susie, Eddie. It’s so good to see you. [speaks French to server who leaves]

Not for us. Keeping a cold stomach.

Oh, there is always time for lunch. You are in Europe, my friends. And in Europe, we like to live a little. In England, you’re always so busy, huh? Tick-tock, tick-tock. Like the Big Ben. [chuckles]

[places down dish] Voilà, monsieur.

Ah... Tartare de cheval. This is hor–

Yeah, I know what it is.

I always found the horse more delicate than the bull or the cow. [eats a forkful] I assume your presence here signify a willingness to reopen negotiations?

In a manner of speaking.

So you agree to my terms?

Actually, we’re here to offer you something... far more valuable.

Oh, what is that?

The antidote.

An antidote for what?

For the poison that’s currently sitting in your system that should be about to work around... now.

That’s the thing about running an international crime syndicate. We can get to anyone. [scene of server administering a drop into Florian's dish]

Your heart is beginning to beat at three times its normal rate on account of trying to keep your blood pressure up. In about five minutes, your body will go into shock. You’ll lose control of your bodily functions, and you’ll suffer from a massive cardiac arrest on account of the trauma done to your internal organs. Then... Well, then you’ll suffocate. Lying on this restaurant floor, gasping for air like a dying fucking fish. Unless you take that antidote. [Florian attempts to grab antidote vial and Eddie snatches it away] We need a name.

[chokes] I don’t know what you mean.

The clock is ticking, de Groot. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Like Big Ben, eh?

You Europeans. So very slow. The name. [Florian writes out in notebook while heavily choking, hands it to Susie who shows it to Eddie] Disappointing.

Very.

Here. [hands over vial to Florian who drinks it] You should be fine within the hour.

Should you develop a sudden urge to inform said person of recent developments, remember how easy it was to get to you in the first place.

Have a good lunch, Mr. de Groot. [He and Susie walk away]

[brings out whiskey bottle and pours a glass] So... how do you wanna handle him?

There’s only one outcome. He’s a big boy. He knew the risks.

Yeah. [hands her a glass] Well, it’s not gonna be pleasant.

It never is. I actually liked him. Thought he could be trusted. You never know, do you? You never fucking know.

Any preferences on how you wanna get it done?

Offering your services?

Not directly. It’s not my world, Susie. But maybe there’s someone who could help. He might need a little convincing though.

[wandering through traveller camp] Gentlemen. A little heavily armed for this time of the morning.

When you accuse someone of robbing four million from a drug baron, a man tends to get a bit paranoid.

Fair point.

What the fuck do you want, Eddie?

I’m here to make things right. I want to offer you a gift by means of reparation.

Oh, a gift? Man wants to offer us a giftǃ

Tell you what. How about I offer you a gift, Eddie? [punches Eddie in face]

I guess I deserved that. All right.

You said you’ve something for me.

Someone tried to set you up.

Give me a name, Eddie.

I can do better than that.

You reckon the Belgian came up with it on his own?

Bobby Glass

Well, it wasn’t Keith’s idea, was it? He ain’t got the bandwidth.

What if Keith was just a symptom, not the cause?

Bobby Glass

What do you mean? What symptom? No one’s fucking ill, are they?

No. Look, it’s a pattern, innit? Van load of weed vanishing. Blockades on the continent. Rats in the kitchen. It’s all adding up to something.

Bobby Glass

All right, all right. We’ve had a few problems, and you sorted it out. Salute. But we got the product going out, we got money coming in, all right? All we need to do is steady the ship, and then we can see what happens.

There’s dark clouds coming. I can feel it. I think we need to down periscope and start firing some torpedoes.

Bobby Glass

No, you’re not fucking listening to meǃ I’m the captain, and I say full steam ahead.

[exits vehicle in forest] What’s this, Eddie? Teddy bears’ fucking picnic?

You know what this is, Keith.

Oh, come on.

You know what happens next. Sorry, Keith.

Move.

Are you a bit deaf... as well as a snake? Fucking move.

Fuck you. [spits] Fuck you and all. [walks to a site] Glad it’s not Blanket. I appreciate that. You’re a good man, Eddie.

Eyes on me, Keith.

Why am I looking at you? You’re a dead man walking. You think you’re all so hard. Bobby Glass is gonna shit the lot of ya. I know how many bodies there are ’cause I fucking buried ’em, Eddie. I’ve seen behind the curtain, and none of you are ready for it. You’re all fucked. Every one of ya. It’s just a matter of fucking time, really. [points] Same thing’ll happen to you in the end, Eddie. You work for Bobby Glass now. There’s no way out. They’ll get you eventually. Just like me. Just like Jethro.

What did you say?

What, didn’t she tell ya? Nah, of course she fucking didn’t. Jethro’s at the bottom of the Thames.

You think you got a choice? You’re fucking kidding yourself. You can’t trust her. You can’t trust any of ’emǃ [JD shoots Keith in the head]

[calling] Is it done?

It’s done.

Geoff Seacombe

Like to join me in a glass of, uh, sloe gin, Your Grace?

Thanks, Geoff.

Geoff Seacombe

[referring to hedgehog on chair] You can put Milligan on the floor there. It’s way past his bedtime anyway.

Right. [relocates Milligan]

Geoff Seacombe

Yeah, anywhere will do. [referring to facial injuries] Everything all right, Your Grace? :Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah. You were right, however, about Susie and the Glass family. Some information has come to light that suggests Susie and the Glass family are... If I try and extract us from the situation, they’re willing to kill me.

Geoff Seacombe

I thought you two were getting along okay.

Well, we were. But not anymore.

Geoff Seacombe

You might wanna sniff that. What do you smell?

Almonds.

Geoff Seacombe

You gotta take your time when you’re making sloe gin. It’ll turn that rich magenta color after a couple of weeks. Most people leave it at that. But to get that full flavor... you gotta leave it a couple of years. Underappreciated quality these days, patience. Let it play out. You continue to deliver on your end of the bargain and see how they respond. Don’t let ’em know what you’re thinking. And meanwhile, prepare for all eventualities.

I was just looking at his cuts. You know I’ve got a first aid certificate. Keep your head tilted backǃ

Chucky Kubra

What do you think I’m doing?ǃ

Look, Chucky, I’m really sorry about all this.

Chucky Kubra

Susie Glass, you can go and fuck yourself, yeah?ǃ I’m not cleaning nothing for youǃ We are doneǃ Wankers! [leaves]

Well, that went well.

I’ll leave him to cool his jets. I’ll un-fuck the situation in the morning.

We’ve gone from two months to four, and, by the looks of it, to not at all.

I’ll get it sorted.

Eddie, glad you made it.

Henry. [shakes hands]

[referring to Jack sitting at bar with Susie] Look at him. Magnificent specimen.

Depends how you define specimen. If you’re looking for a dog with six dicks, he’s your specimen.

Well, there is some truth in that. You know, Jack’s biggest problem is Jack. I worked with a lot of boys over the years, six of ’em champions. Difference is, every one of ’em, 100% commitment.

Mm. He’s 100% committed to the lifestyle. The question is, does he have his family’s ambition?

[gestures] I got us a nice table. [leads Eddie to table] I’m curious, Eddie. How did you get ringside with Susie Glass?

I was a captain in the Queen’s Dragoon Guards. My father died, I came back, and I inherited some of his... business interests.

Oh yeah? [pulls down shirt collar to reveal tattoo] Two Para.

How many tours?

Three tours of Sangin. War recalibrates a man’s philosophies, his priorities.

Indeed. [servers hands drinks] Thanks.

Slainte.

Cheers.

You and Susie straighten out that business matter?

Ah, it was a minor domestic issue. Hopefully, nothing that can’t be ironed out.

You worked with Chucky before?

I never mentioned Chucky.

Well, he wouldn’t be my first choice, if you know what I mean. He wouldn’t be my second choice either.

Do you know anyone more appropriate?

I know a lot of people, Eddie.