Susan Glass quotes from The Gentlemen

Sabrina Horniman

[visiting Jack in hospital] How’s he doing?

Sleeping a lot. But improving.

Sabrina Horniman

How are you doing?

I don’t know, really. Kinda just focused on him at the moment.

Sabrina Horniman

You must be very close.

He was, uh, ten when our mum passed away.

Sabrina Horniman

Well, that’s a heavy responsibility on young shoulders.

It never felt like a burden. I loved looking after Jack. I love running the business.

Sabrina Horniman

I know that your father is planning on selling the organization, and you’re probably weighing up what to do. So my one piece of advice would be, don’t listen to anyone, least of all my son, and especially not your father. However, if you want the benefit from my vast years of experience, I’d say that you’re much more likely to regret the things that you didn’t do rather than the things that you did.

Tell me, what is it you’re worried I’m not gonna do?

He’s edgy, Susan. It’s concerning me. So, what is the issue with Cico?

Yet to be determined. I’m sure it’s nothing positive. I know you’re not his number one fan, Eddie, but he has helped us get a foothold in Italy, a territory beset by monsters around every corner. His efforts shouldn’t be underestimated.

Fixers are supposed to fix problems, not create them.

I say we give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being. Meanwhile, you can focus your efforts on snagging yourself a peerage, as per my father’s request.

You leave Lord Hawthorne to me. [helicopter approaches]

Hope we haven’t got too many plates spinning today.

No. Shoots are never about the killing, Susan. They’re about the deal-making. It’s an alibi to fuse a collection of disparate rogues. Contrary to logic, the more spinning plates, the better. People will fly 5,000 miles for a shoot in the English countryside, and for some strange reason, are more open to business when they’ve got a gun in their hand.

Hm.

[Aisha approaches] Tell me more about your friend.

You’ll like Aisha. Clever girl. Aspirational. Looks after herself and everyone who comes within her orbit. She moved to the Middle East five years ago to work in hospitality. Now she’s snagged herself a seat at the royal table.

The Middle East is the future, Susie. They build a new world out there every two weeks.

[to Eddie] Things have been good between us, yeah? This time last year, we had nothing. But since we started that little farm under the Contessa's palazzo estate, my God! You guys nailed it. Six more farms in less than a year.

You said there was a problem. Why don't you enlighten us?

Yeah. There is a real problem. The problem is, uh, Marco Moretti.

Sorry, what? Marco Moretti? What the fսck is Moretti doing in this conversation?

We need to talk to him.

The reason we talk to you is so we don't have to talk to El Capo Dei Capi.

I know, but then he started sniffing around. He found out we are growing mɑrіjսɑnɑ under the Contessa's palazzo. Marco is her godfather. He was always going to find out. And now he wants a piece of it. Otherwise, he's gonna rip it out of the ground.

Hold on, hold on. We're spiraling here, Cico. You pushed us out of an aeroplane without a parachute. You told us you could keep Marco out of this. Where's our Mr. Consistent? Where's our Mr. Reliable?

It's Italy. Everything is a surprise, all right? This is why you have me. Okay? So I can stop the crisis.

How much to stop the crisis?

Like, forty a year?

Forty what? Forty lira? Forty winks? Forty lashes? Forty nights in the desert? Forty fսcking what, Cico?

Forty million euros, obviously.

Okay, that's it. We're off. [turns to walk]

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. Fine. Obviously, you know, 40 is unacceptable.

Mm.

But this is why you pay me. I have a... a solution.

Well, it's a pretty big fսcking problem, Francesco, so it better be a big fսcking solution.

Well, um, how familiar are you with the works of Botticelli? A small picture of his is coming up for sale at an auction house in London. Marco is obsessed with his work.

[discussing without Cico] It's a punchy ask.

Six million's not much if it has the desired effect. Marco Moretti runs a serious organization. Extortion, kidnap, torture, they're into all of it. And they've got heavyweight backing from church and state.

Look, I'm not questioning the power of Marco Moretti. I understand the nuance and sophistication of buying a painting by his favorite Renaissance artist. My question is whether or not Cico is the most effective method to access him.

I know you don't like him. I like him even less than you do. But we've got to keep him on side. At least in the short term. Anyway, you don't have to like everyone you work with. I know who you do like.

What does that mean?

It can mean whatever you want it to mean. [walks away]

Straighten things out with the Italian?

Man's a disaster, Susie. And I smell a rat with the Botticelli.

Hm. We've only got his word that that missile will reach its destination. I know you don't wanna buy the Botticelli. Either way, we need to speak to my father.

Hm. Get anywhere with Lord Hawthorne?

[inhales sharply] Well, we have a number. Do I owe you a Happy Meal?

But there's a small caveat.

Caveat?

Hm. He's taken an interest in Jack.

Right, what sort of interest?

An anthropological one. What does that mean? Well, he wants to, uh, take him for dinner, maybe to the opera, and then, uh, you know, wank him off a bit.

Hm. That shouldn't be a problem. I'll leave it to you to tell my father that his son needs to bring a peer of the realm to оrgasm.

You leave it with me.

Bobby Glass

[in a sauna] You ever heard of the myth of the Bannik?

Yeah. The shapeshifting spirit that supposedly frequented the steam rooms of Northern Europe.

Bobby Glass

The story goes that your Bannik, well, he's a... he's a mischievous kind of spirit. Sometimes he appears as a naked little man stroking his beard, smoking a pipe. But you be careful that you don't invite in other kinds of spirits. If you're asking his advice, you gotta make sure you pay him his due. Otherwise, uh, he can get up to all sorts of mischief. [Bannik appears invisible to Eddie] Fortunately, there are other rituals that you can use that appease the Bannik. Now, these rituals range from smothering a black-feathered chicken and burying his unplucked corpse under your steam house, or you can just offer him a fir branch when you've finished your steam and say thank you. But you gotta be sure you pay him. Now, your Bannik, he does have his uses.

And what would those be, Father?

Bobby Glass

Well, he can see into the future. I'll show you how to do it.

Oh.

Bobby Glass

[gets up] Now, you stand with your back to the furnace, which you leave half open. Now, you ask the Bannik a question, any question you want, but the Bannik, he won't answer you directly, you see. He can't talk. He can only touch. Now, if it's a good omen, you'll feel his little hand pat you on the back. But if it's a bad one, well, he'll scratch you with his sharp little claws.

And what question did you ask him, then?

Bobby Glass

I asked him about the emergence of the Mafia boss, Marco Moretti, and this business about the picture.

Right. And what exactly did this Bannik say, then, Bobby?

Bobby Glass

Do I buy the Botticelli for Marco Moretti? [Bannik's hands appear on Bobby's shoulders] The Bannik gave my back a lovely little fսcking rub.

Hm.

Bobby Glass

[points] You ought to buy him that picture.

Well, my concern is, despite our early success that we've enjoyed in Italy, Cico, he remains sloppy and unreliable.

Bobby Glass

But, if he smooths out the business with Moretti, then he's getting the job done. Buy him the fսcking picture! The Bannik has spoken, okay?ǃ

Loud and clear.

He's getting worse, Susan.

No. He's just winding you up. Bit of fun.

He's making decisions based on the advice of a mythical creature.

Like I said, fun.

Bobby Glass

[in sauna] So, what do people do at Lord Hawthorne's parties?

It's all very modern, Dad. Not your thing.

Bobby Glass

Right. What did he want? Your cock?

Jack Glass

Yeah.

Bobby Glass

[exhales] Did you give him some?

Jack Glass

If I thought I could get away with just a bit of cock, I would have obliged. But it's my arsehole I was worried about.

Bobby Glass

Nice to see you still got your principles.

He's saying the terms of the deals weren't met.

Bobby Glass

Well, they met. He went out.

No, he's saying he didn't commit. Did you commit to going out?

Jack Glass

I committed to going out, but not going in.

Bobby Glass

I rest my case. The upshot is Lord Hawthorne's asked to increase the financials as recompense. And given the time constraints... we think we should give him what he wants. What time constraints?

Bobby, the vote to decide who becomes the new hereditary peer is at the end of the week. With Hawthorne's help, we get me into the House of Lords, where I control which way the bill to decriminalize mɑrіjսɑnɑ goes.

Bobby Glass

How much?

150.

Bobby Glass

That's a 5x increase. Now, we... we've got to remember our principles here. Jack did what Jack was supposed to do. Jack stuck to his obligations.

Look, 150 is nothing in context. We could have paid him 2 million. Let's not let principles get in the way.

Bobby Glass

[gets up]Sorry? You... You wanna say that again?

I think you heard what I said, Bobby.

Bobby Glass

Yeah, I did. And the statement disturbs me. You see, we don't fսck around with our principles. These people, they don't know who they're dealing with. So we pay them the agreed sum. [slams bench] Now, you put a fսcking gun down on the table in front of them and watch their arsehole fall out. You need a hand with that, you give me a shout. [Bannik places handgun on table] I ain't paying that posh cսոt another fսcking shekel.

What if we paid Lord Hawthorne out of the problem fund?

Dad wouldn't be happy if he found out.

If he finds out. He doesn't need to know till we decide to tell him. He'll thank us for our initiative.

You know as well as I do, if we went around his back, he wouldn't look upon it kindly.

If he finds out, Sue.

You're in a particularly mischievous mood today, Edward.

Well, just trying to find a solution to the problem.

Why don't we talk to him together? [gets DM from Geoff saying "problem with the lawyer"] Unless you're otherwise engaged.

No, it's just Geoff. Don't mind me.

How's he handling his new remit? Must be hard, wearing two hats.

Let's just say he's, uh, extremely capable. Look, uh, it might be worth you flying solo on this one. If we're gonna force Lord Hawthorne's hand, he might respond better to a feminine touch. An iron fist with a Brioni glove.

With the added benefit of allowing you time to resolve your cryptic issue with your capable gamekeeper.

Certainly. Bye.

[Jack pulls up in high performance vehicle] Right, Jack, if you're driving, remember it's a car, not a rocket.

Jack Glass

You're in safe hands, sister dear. [Susie gets i] Buckle up. [takes off]

Lord Hawthorne

[peering into handbag loaded with cash bills] What a lovely bag. I see you have a penchant for flattery, Miss Glass. Despite the elegant Chanel presentation, I will be neither beguiled, intimidated, nor threatened.

I'm not threatening you. I'm simply contextualizing the situation.

Lord Hawthorne

I'd like to speak to Eddie. Where is he?

Busy.

Lord Hawthorne

Busy doing what?

Hunting, fishing, counting the doves in his dovecote. I don't know. Thirty, plus a night out on the town with my brother is what was agreed. Now, I understand that, despite his best endeavors, Jack failed to deliver what you feel was required. But unless you can articulate what went wrong, we're done.

Lord Hawthorne

He didn't... commit to the evening.

He's not a homosexual. Neither are you, of course, a homosexual. Jack's arse was never on the dartboard.

Lord Hawthorne

I didn't ask for his arse. I wanted a night out on the town, which, as I explained, he failed to deliver on.

There has never been a more heterosexual man to walk this earth than my brother Jack. He's like a dog with six dicks. But they all point in the direction of a vajayjay. Now, if you'd like someone to wank you off, I suggest you close your eyes and imagine some hairy knuckles.

Lord Hawthorne

Oh, that's not my thing, dear.

Mm, I rest my case. Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna leave you here with that elegant bag with 30,000 cash so you can go buy as many dicks as you like. And you can think over your options. We'll talk tomorrow. [walks out]

[playing billiards with Susie] Remember that time me and Jack nicked those mountain bikes? Those Islington boys came looking for 'em all Ralphed up, roided to the nipples, threatening all sorts, and then you, Susie Glass, you tore straight into 'em, didn't ya?

Might have looked the bollocks. They didn't have a bollock between them. It's the tragic price of steroids.

I fancied you after that.

Because I stood up to a couple of council-flat acne backs? Fսck off, Joe.

No. No, obviously I fancied you before that. You were gorgeous. Still are. No, it was the way you wouldn't countenance any shenanigans.

Still don't.

So what exactly is this relationship between you and the Duke?

Professional.

Joe: Incongruous juxtaposition, wouldn't you say? You and His Highness?

That's a paradox, Joe. Paradoxes relate to irony. Ironies correlate to juxtaposition. Really wanna play this game?

I'll play any fսcking game you like, Susie Glass.

Thank you, Joe. Balls in pockets, fingers in pies, noses in other people's business. What are you up to, Big J? You wanna back off pronto before you find yourself in a Chinese finger trap.

I'll tell you why I ask. I wonder if your time would be better suited in a different game.

Different game? What the fսck are you talking about?

More dough. Less bulk. Fatter margins. And your dad wouldn't be barking orders at ya. Bollocks like yours, Susie, are rare. You've got skills, experience. Vision.

Whilst I've no doubt there are vast gains to be had from dealing in the powder, the risk remains that bit too elevated for my liking.

Since when was Susie Glass afraid of heights?

It's not the heights. It's the volatility. It's the South American coke dealers. They love a morbid body puzzle. They chop each other's cousins up into little pieces, put them in plastic bags, and hide them all over the tundra. And they put those pieces back together again like some third-world version of Humpty Dumpty. Nah, you can fսck off, Joe. I like the green fields of England. What I wanna know is if you asked me out 'cause you fancied a bunk up, or 'cause you wanted to sound me out about a change of career?

Can't it be both?

Gabrielle

[calling Jack, spying on Eddie, Geoff and Takashi breaking into a cottage] They've just pulled up to a cottage now. Three of them got out. The Duke, the keeper, and some Japanese-looking geezer.

Do we know any Japanese-looking gentlemen?

Jack Glass

Dad's chef?

[on phone] Keep your head down and us updated.

Jack Glass

Why are we keeping an eye on the Duke then?

He's sniffing around the Italians. Too much nose to bum. He's been pulling on the lead a bit recently. Not a lot. Just a little tug every now and again. It's just a feminine instinct at this stage, Jackie boy. But I wouldn't underestimate that instinct.

[served a drink by Susie in the boxing training gym office] Thank you. What a wonderful place for an office. Such a masculine atmosphere. You can just taste the testosterone. And yet here you sit, a beautiful rose in a tangle of thorns.

I like to think my feminine sensibilities act as something of a counterbalance.

[Eddie and Geoff pull up to Hastead manor] Good afternoon, Captain. You look like you've had a day of it. Anything you'd like to divulge?

Why don't we discuss it over a cup of tea?

Let's skip the tea. Get to the part where you tell me why there's a body in the back of your car. Are you gonna deny it?

Geoffrey? [Geoff opens trunk to reveal Takashi's body] I have a plan for that body.

Can I remind you of your position in the hierarchy? You work with us, not outside of us, and at the end of the day, my dad is the boss. It's best not to forget that.

I am well aware of the hierarchy, Susan. Who is he? There's a long and complicated explanation, which I'll share with you in the fullness of time. Back to the plan, please. [motions head] The plan is to use this body to bring Lord Hawthorne into the fold, thus securing my place in the House of Lords. First, we get one of your people to intercept him at one of his decadent, all-weekend parties. When he sets his drink aside, we'll slip him a goodnight pill. And the next morning, he'll wake up to a lovely surprise. [Lord Hawthorne wakes up in bed next to Takashi's body]

[calling] Lord Hawthorne, how are you this fine morning? Oh, that's terrible. Where are you? Good thing you called me. We have an understanding with the people that own that venue, so it's definitely something I can help you with. As luck could have it, we happen to be in the neighborhood. Stay where you are.

[walking into hotel room to see Takashi's body] Looks like quite the party.

Lord Hawthorne

I have no idea what happened.

Don't worry, Dickie. I'm sure we can find a way to sort it out for you. All will be well, won't it, Eddie?

Exactly.

[sitting in vehicle] So your intention is to let the bill go through, decriminalize mɑrіjսɑnɑ, and evoke the wrath of my dearly beloved father because, what, you wanna go legitimate?

It's not about legitimate or illegitimate, Susie. It's about having our cake and eating it. With Lord Hawthorne's backing, we let the bill go through. Then, meanwhile, we invest in a legitimate company that we bring in to sell our illegally grown weed on a legitimate market, avoiding the cost of regulation, undercutting our competitors, and becoming the corner shop of cannabis.

What about the elephant in the room? My father wants the bill blown out of the water.

Your father's got the blinkers on.

He's not gonna appreciate being blindsided.

Then we wait until we can present a fait accompli and we choose our moment extremely carefully.

"We"?

Yes, we. I was always gonna bring you in. I wanted to make sure I could deliver.

And you're confident you can?

Well, with you on board, I am.

I'd better think about it very carefully, then.

You'd better.

Morning, Susan.

Captain. Been taking a look at your projections. I didn't realize mɑrіjսɑnɑ was the second-most valuable crop in the United States.

Mm. Other than soybeans. Americans do love a soybean.

Reckon there's a political will to push it through?

Decriminalization is a win-win. Not only do you reduce crime, relieving pressure on the police and freeing up space in the prisons for those naughty little criminals, you also bring in additional tax revenue worth billions a year. Consumers will be able to choose between expensive legal weed that they buy in a shop and inexpensive illegal weed they buy on the street.

You're confident decriminalization wouldn't have a negative impact on the pre-existing market that's provided both bread and butter to my family for the last generation?

The only difference is, instead of one line on the graph, there are now two big, fat ones.

The prospect of doing this without my father's permission leaves me with a sense of trepidation. He may look like Father Christmas, but if you end up on his naughty list, a lump of coal at the bottom of your stocking is gonna be the least of your worries.

The bill's gonna go through, whether he likes it or not. If we get in now, we can use our position to take advantage. We wait, and we get left behind.

Hm.

Can I count on your support?

[answers phone] You all right, Jimmy?

Sorry to interrupt you, boss. I think we've got a bit of a problem down at the farm. Only it's a bit delicate. Maybe even politically motivated.

What sort of problem, Jimmy?

They call it a go-slow. It's a strike aimed at reducing productivity by moving at half the speed.