[Giving a live press conference over the internet]
If you would like us to answer any questions on the internet - perhaps we could settle an argument, or maybe you'd like to make a booking, or perhaps you're just curious - this is how you get in touch with us: 'dot com'.
What is 'dot com'? I was told you 'dot com' - you put the mouse through the window in the 'dot com'.
And you do it, and it comes through the service station. And you choose the search motor, and there's a drop-down dinner.
[Arguing about who should "entertain" a visiting IOC Official]
Oh, he doesn’t want to go out with me, Gina.
Of course he does. He’s bisexual. He’ll love it.
It’s a courtesy, John. It happens all over the world.
Look, look, Bryan, Bryan. If KFC gets, say, Carl Lewis to endorse their product the potential for confusion in the marketplace is absolutely enormous.
Oh come on, how? What are they going to do? Get Carl Lewis to hold up a chicken and say "This is a hamburger"?
They want to put the track, the skeet shooting, the badminton and the fencing all at the main venue.
How are they going to do that?
They’re going to make them night events. They’re going to put them on after everything else is finished.
But people will get shot, won’t they?
Well, they say they’re going to fire above their heads.
It’s never been a terribly convincing defence. "We were firing above their heads, Your Honour, and then we noticed large numbers of deceased persons."
He was particularly appalled – please get this down – that the games seemed to be turned into a benefit for television; a notoriously greedy and selfish medium that is obsessed with money and sensation, and is often run by morons who wouldn’t know if their arses were on fire unless the ratings told them so!
Excuse me. Excuse me. You’ve lost me a bit. Go back – greedy and selfish industry. Arses on fire. Morons.
[Writing] Run by morons, many of whom are insane.
[Attempting to explain the changes to the swimming programme to the audience]:
IInterviewer
Okay, well tell me about the major changes to the swimming programme.
Well, what's currently proposed is the, what I believe I've just given you a copy of, which is that all heats will be run in the morning, as they normally are... slight change insofar as heats will be worked out on the best of three, times will obviously count. Perhaps Gina knows a little bit more about this than I do?
Thank you John. Yes, each swimmer will swim three heats in each event, the swimmer's slowest heat time will then be dropped, the other two times will then be multiplied by three over two then divided by three to give an aggregate time and the fastest 32 times will then move on to the next round.
Yes, and then there's a "wild card" entry, for those who are the top place getters in each of the races in which the fastest three times were recorded, and then there'll be quarter-finals, and then there'll be finals, and then there'll be repechages.
IInterviewer
Remind me, what is a repechage?
After the final sequence of heats, competitors who have not been successful go back into a stage of three previous heats in which there is a separate sequence of semi-finals - quarter-finals and semi-finals - and so people are given another chance, really. And then there'll be, obviously, a preliminary final, and then a quarter-final, semi-final, and then the rounds of three heats subsequent to the repechages, and the quarter-finals and semi-finals in respect of those, and that'll fill the eighth lane - the other seven lanes being filled as I've described - and, er, so, you know, that's fairly simple.
Look, they're coming from somewhere up in the sticks, they just want to present their proposal for the opening ceremony, alright?
Nicholas, you've just finished telling me that the contract for the opening ceremony has been awarded to a German company.
Yes, Einfahrt. [To camera] Nobody knows that yet, alright?
Well, it's academic, isn't it? You've already awarded the contract!
No, you will have to see them.
But there's no possible reason for seeing them Nicholas, you've awarded the contract!
That's precisely why you have to see them!
Why, because you've awarded the contract to the Germans?
Well, things have got to be done fairly and kept above board. [Patronisingly] There's the chap.
Now, you have all these schoolkids swarming into the stadium dressed as luminous glow-worms?
DMrs Dundas
Not now, not yet. They're not in until just gone dark.
DMrs Dundas
Cause they won't glow otherwise, and they'll need to glow.
JJoyce
Course they will, with everyone wanting to wave to mum and dad up in the stands.
What were you thinking Bryan, they're glowing!
Okay, glowing kids - after.
We can't have this sort of rubbish being written. This is badly written, unresearched rubbish.
You don't mind badly written, unresearched rubbish when it's on your side.
I don't have a problem with favourable crap. Favourable crap is an excellent result. It's the best result you can get in Australia, favourable crap.
