Robert Walkley?
Writes for the Star.
Star?
Weekly tabloid. Light-heared mixture of racism and pornography.
S1 E4Robbo and the 100 Metres
S1 E5Past Sports Stars and Gender
There's a labourer over there in about Section 12. He's not so much as farted in twenty minutes. Look at him!
Asia's broke, John. They called this morning to say they're not coming.
Let the minutes show that at this point Mr Clarke left the meeting of the Australian Rationalists' Society looking tense but dignified.
Oh I'm sorry. Did you want the slice of pizza without the staples?
[Answering the telephone] Hello, welcome to the island continent.
David, if you could tell a man from a woman, how did a woman win the Men's World Championship?
Can this person compete or not?
DPDavid Pigot
In which event?
In either event.
DPDavid Pigot
Let's take them one at a time, shall we?
The Men's?
DPDavid Pigot
No
The Women's?
DPDavid Pigot
No.
That pretty much exhausts the possibilities as I see it.
David, do you want the shooting to be a very big success at the Sydney Olympics, or are you completely insane? Richo says you can only pick one.
S1 E6Millennium Bug/FAQs
[Discussing the problem of the Millennium Bug]
I don't see what all the fuss is about. What did they do the last time this happened?
What, in 1899?
There I was thinking you were a bloody idiot and it turns out you're very smart.
Plan B, Bryan, is basically Plan A with an element of panic.
[Attempting vainly to imitate Gina's voice] Open up! Open computer up!
[Giving a live press conference over the internet]
How do people send questions to us on the internet?
With a mouse, as I understand it Gina.
[Answering questions sent by email]
This is just one taken at random. This is actually about the country, Australia. What is the population of Australia, and what are its main industries?
Well, the population is about 17 million.
Yes, and we don't have any industries as such.
[Answering questions sent by email]
I have another question here: what is the separation of powers?
Ah, well this is a constitutional question. The separation of powers is a constitutional division of the two entities in which power is vested in Australia: Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch. If Mr Packer wants cricket, Mr Murdoch would be given Telecoms. If Mr Murdoch wants rugby league, of course Mr Packer would be given the cotton industry.
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